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I have huge problems with my girlfriend lately. We are in the relationship for more than three years now and I was planing to propose her very soon. I am aware that she is having some health problems, generally, I am talking about depression in here. I know that she is depressed since first day of our relationship but I don't mind it. I was there with her and I am still here for her! But at the last couple of days she is getting frustrated when trying to help. I don't know what to do anymore about it. I am desperate. 

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Three years is a long time now. You should have learned already how to behave and what to do when she is acting like that. I guess that this isn't the first time that she is acting like this, am I right? Maybe you are just nervous as well because you want to propose to her now, this isn't something that is easy for guys to do.

Well, anyway, I believe you know her better than any of us here and you will figure out a way to handle it. You are going to spend the rest of your life with her so do your best here.

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Yes Nina, it is very long period and as I already told you that I did know how to be with her and how to behave during her depression. But the worse problem started a couple of days ago, like I already told you. She is now rejecting me in every possible way, she doesn't want to help me and she gets really frustrated when I try to help her. And that is something that is killing me. That is why I don't know what to do now, trust me I was dealing with it very successfully in the last three years - until now. Now is the problem. That is why I am telling you that I don't know what to do...

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Hello there Worried Boyfriend.

It is hard to tell what has changed in your girlfriends behavior. A lot of factors can impact it and a lot of factors can be the cause of it. If she was diagnosed with depression, I assume that she is visiting her doctor, right?

Well, try to convince her that the next time you should go with her to see the doctor. Maybe she will accept it. 

Some right formula for the behavior is impossible and we can't tell you what to do. It is hard to talk to the persons who are depressed, especially if they are frustrated.  

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Hi!

I think that you are dealing with much bigger problem than you can imagine. I see that you were with her during all those years of her depression, but now something has happened to her as well. And I do understand that it is very hard for you to cope in this case. 

I didn't notice that you mentioned that she is taking some anti - depressants. If she is not taking them, maybe she should start taking them now.

I admire you because you did know that she is depressed for more than three years, and you are still there.

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Hi. Well I get frustrated when my girlfriend is depressed and sad, I just can imagine how she feels when I want to help her, when I want to talk to her, etc. But it is very bad when you really want to help her but without having any success. It happened once to me and I really didn't know what to do about it. You know what was helping to my frustrated and depressed gf? When I was talking to her, but slowly asking her questions and letting know that I am there. She would start to answer me on my question, of course, first she was frustrated but later she was feeling much better. Maybe the conversation is the key in your case as well. Try it, you can't lose anything.

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Communication is always the key. I have one question, Guest. Did you ever talk to anyone who was depressed before? If you didn't, maybe you just have no clue what you are doing and you are just making things worse and making your girlfriend frustrated (which is, by the way, just going to make her hate you since she is already being depressed).

When I was depressed, I enjoyed talking to my girlfriend. She was the only person who seemed to understand me and she was always listening to me when I spoke, like, really listened to me, and I loved her for that.
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I have one question. "Getting frustrated when trying to help". How exactly are you trying to help her, Guest? Other than being there to listen to her, you can't do anything to help her. I wonder what you were trying to do. I hope you were not trying to take her to a party or something, that is not how these things work. Well, whatever you did, you did it wrong since you got your girlfriend frustrated (but again, depressed people get frustrated pretty easily). Just be there to listen to her and don't talk too much, that should do it.

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Hi Guest,

Look, all that you can do for her is listen to her. Depressed people don't want anything but someone to listen to them and someone to be there for them. Hug her occasionally and tell her how much she means to you. I don't know, if she is hungry, cook for her, if she wants sweets, get her a cake or something. Small signs of attention will do a lot for her and she will love you more because of that. If you can do that, then you might be considered as a good boyfriend, you should do that even if she is not depressed.

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I would just give her some space if I were you. You are obviously doing something wrong and if you already messed up, it's best to give her some space. Don't get me wrong, I am not telling you to leave her: just give her some space. Call her from time to time, come and see her from time to time, ask her if she needs anything, but don't force her to do anything. Be there for her but give her time and space to think on her own about the things that are happening. Never decline her wish to talk to you.

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