How to politely say to someone to mind their own business?

mind your own business ,mam or sir

While I appreciate your concern, I'm sure this is something I can handle on my own.

Write 'p*****f' on a post it note...but stick it to them using a stapler.

If you don't mind, this really doesn't concern you.

Could you please go away - this is a private matter (discussion, etc).

Or duct tape it to their eyebrows.

say to them--"Wow you really smell like c**p" that will distract them from butting in

"This is one of those subjects that I would prefer not to discuss."

This will be your business when monkeys fly out of my butt.

I usually turn it around on them.
'What made you say that?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Was this something we've talked about before? I don't remember consulting you on this."

I would usually just say something like "I'd prefer not to talk about it" but as this does not work in all contexts and especially not with some people (pricks) you could just make it sound like it's your problem if the person keeps insisting, by saying sometjing like "I'm sorry but I'm not really comfortable talking about this kind of thing with other people". Nobody can argue with this because you are stating that YOU don't like talking about this and that this is how YOU feel and it isn't telling them that there doing something wrong (even though they probably are). I know a few people like this who just won't take no for an answer but it realy isn't possible to argue with something like this unless they're willing to openly be a prick which some people are but if this is the case it really isn't possible to argue with them and you should just tell them to f**k off which may sound rude but anyone listening to the conversation will at this stage realise that the person you're talking to is trying to push you into a corner and will be able to relate to you and may also actually respect you more for trying to be polite but when pushed, also being able to stand up for yourself

If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

these are the kinds of things I'm looking for. I really want to put said person/persons in their place, politely, but clearly letting them know that I think they are a piece of c**p for even speculating anything that is certainly none of their concern.

OK, fine, my SERIOUS answer would be, "I'm not comfortable discussing this with a colleague."
"This is not a conversation I choose to have at work."
"I wouldn't ask you that, and I certainly won't answer it."

Here's what my horoscope at Yahoo says for today

Inner transformations are likely to be making a big difference in your level of communications with others right now, dear Libra. You could find that your relationships improve because you are more open and honest without being too blunt, and because you seem to have a greater intuitive understanding of the needs and desires of those closest to you. Unfortunately, this process could also involve leaving some old friends behind. Try not to fight it. You can't.

seeing as how you all were over there looking at your compatibility, I thought I'd take a peak at my reading for today. funny how it lines up with the things I'm dealing with today.