Marriage issues, need your advise

Well, it is going to be hard to explain without writing a book.. So I will try my best. We have been married for 15 years and we have always had problems in bed, mainly because I am over weight. He tells me things like “You are overweight and I don’t like it” “Of all the girls in this party, you are the heaviest” “You don’t offer me anything, your legs, hips and stomach are fat.. Is not that you can have fat legs but at least good stomach and chest”… That to me, of course puts me down and even though I have always tried to maintain a good attitude and not take so hard, this has affected me. I have low self-esteem (funny or not, but only in front of him)… with my friends, it is all normal… I know I am overweight, but I do my best to look good. Oh, did I mention that my husband is overweight? So, that makes me feel worst. Now, another issue (this one has been for maybe 2 or 3 years) that he says I am not sweet, that I don’t have a sweet nickname for him… (he has always had a name for me)… and also, that I sometimes talk to him with an bad attitude. I have found myself maybe like saying something with strong-tone, for example: “not, don’t take this way.. I already told you that you will find more traffic”… he starts telling me that he cannot deal with me anymore, the way I talk to him and I know have destroyed his day… then I said, I am sorry, it was not with a bad intention, just believe me when I tell you things.. but I am sorry if the way I said it was hard… but he continues… and what happened, I said “well, don’t be like that, when you tell me things I don’t like I hear you but I don’t take it so hard for the rest of the day” then what he says “I cannot deal with this, we are done, I will leave this weekend because I cannot deal with you anymore, now you are going to start taking excuses of your act, so is okay to talk to me because I made you feel bad telling you other things?” and I am like “well, no.. I am not taking it as excuse… was only an example” So, I feel like: I cannot say anything, I cannot be myself, feel that he has something hidden (a woman, something, I don’t know)… but the fact is that we now have two little ones… the good thing, I can support them on my own, the bad thing of course, is that they will miss him so much.

There have been good things during our relationship, we have laugh a lot but the bad things, have been really bad too… I feel I cannot deal with this anymore.. One day, after one of those things he told me “we are done” I said “ok, we are done…” wow, it was worst, because then he was like “of course, you don’t care.. you don’t want to fight for the relationship, blah blah blah” so, I really don’t understand what he wants… I have also been thinking, could he be Bipolar? Gosh, I was needing to talk.. Sorry for the long email.. and I have left lots of things out.. Thank you!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Hmmm....Eli...I can totally relate....I to am married with little ones. My husband and I have been together now for about 5 years. He use to be my King, he use to care about me, he use to love me, I remember when I use to not be able to sleep unless he was in the bed next to me, Now I sleep on the couch.....just to get away from him. We use to have a great sex life...hee heehee I have a 3 and 4 year old, now we don't have sex at all really maybe once every 3-5 months... sad huh! There is so much more to my story then yours, My husband and I bicker back and forth all the time, about the smallest's of things, I too am a big girl.....When we first met I was much more slender and more active.....however I have had 2 children back to back without and break of healing time in between and I had 3 c-sections, 2 back to back with no healing time in between. He married me fat......and now it is a problem, he doesn't talk about me like you say your husband does....but he does, he calls me fat and ugly, tells me I was the biggest mistake of his life, and he is a Black man and I am white women and he says he should have never married me and he wants to be with a black women, and so much more, but after he allows his true colors to shine, maybe a day or maybe even just a few hours after , he acts like nothing happened, we don't spend any time time together anymore like we use to...we get on each other nerves, I have come to the conclussion that I am in need of a MAN and I have a little boy, Whom only cares about himself and his own needs and wants..........what about mine and me...I have needs and wants too, So like you had mentioned your husband is overweight, does he ever think about how you feel??? Now us as women, we are more laid back with out emotions and our wants.....but it's just the purpose, anyhow, my husband and I need a divorce, and have for the past 2 years now, he acts one way and then another, I say he is the fakest dude I have ever met in my entire life, he lies, about the smallest things, and I can honestly say he has cheated on me a few times, even though he has lied to himself to the point that he believes he never has...but I know with facts that he has, not since we have been married....but I so wish he would find himself that black women he so wants...so he can leave me and my kids, I don't want to be the one to walk away from my marriage...but at this point, the road is coming to a dead end....I basically build my day, I take care of my kids, he works, comes home, bit***s, yells, say's mean things to me and about me, He pretty much stay's in his room with the door closed..playing his PS3....oh yeah that's his 'b***h' excuse my french! Ever since he bought that game 2 years ago...our marriage has been over....we don't even were our wedding rings, All I can say to you is this,,,you deserve to be happy....and maybe I need to hear this myself as well....:) We need to be happy, we deserve nothing but the best, so what if we got a little extra packaging!!! We don't deserve to be treated this way. We have feelings, emotions, and theses so called husbands of ours are tearing us down!! We need to pull ourselves back together..so we feel they way we feel around our friends and family and hell people we may not even know......when we are with our husband...we shouldn't allow them to belittle us or talk bad bout us or say things that bring us down.....Do you remember the words that we exchanged as husband and wife????? What happened to that feeling...the LOVE has disappeared in our relationships, I can only speak for my husband and myself at this point, but it takes 2 to keep a relationship together and in order for a marriage to progress in love it takes 3...My husband don't assist in nothing in our home except playing his PS3 games........he may cook here and there...but nothing else..he will clean his room...only because I no longer do. I take care of my kids, I clean and bath them and read stories and play with them...he pays the bills and plays his games!!! We need a reality check!!! We deserve better....I know there are real honest true men out here in this big world for us!! We just need to open our hearts to find someone who will loves us for us.......Who will love you for you, and who will love me for me!!!! <3

Guess I needed to talk just as much as you did!!!! Do you have FB we should connect and vent to each other every now and again :) Good luck sweetie!