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I would really like to hear from some of you parents who have faced something like I have, but my situation is unique and really scary. My son is 14, and his gf just turned 15. They have been seeing each other since last September, and it's now April. Her mother and I became friends for about 6 months, but now with a twist of events we are pretty much enemies. I am a christian, and am trying to forgive all she's done to me, but my son seeing her daughter has been hard, because I know the type of person she is, and it's reflecting on their relationship. I recently found out they have had sex, and only when I confronted my son did he finally tell me. I have done alot of talking before and now about how he should not have sex before marriage, but since society does not seem to care, no matter how you raise your kids it seems it's posted all over that sex is ok no matter what. Well, since the deed is done, I talked to him about not only him being safe by using condoms, which I talked to him before he had sex, but she also needs to get on some birth control. Her mother is using excuses that she can't get on the pill, but I tried telling her there's other methods. The only way this mother will talk to me is texting. She will not meet me in person. She has been so ridiculous she has threatened to put an order of protection against me, and I have not threatened her in any way. I don't know what to do in this situation, and it's hard for me to tell the details, because there are so many. I am trying now to keep them away from each other, because she will not agree to get her on birth control. We all know how that goes, they will have sex again. I am trying to protect my son by keeping him away, but I know it only makes him want to see her more. I have no idea what to do next. I wanted to keep him from texting her or getting on facebook to chat with her, but I don't know if that's right. Please help me with some advice.

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Hi Confused,

You are the parent.  He is only 14.  Regarding Facebook, if you have to take the computer away from him.  If he needs to use it, for school, then have it in a PUBLIC area of the house.

You'll be hard pressed to keep them apart.  You know how it is.  As you said, he'll only want to see her more.

Yes, sex is pressed hard in our culture.  The girls mom is being naive.  Still, there can be legitimate reasons for not wanting her on birth control.  It may be an excuse but you need to accept that for now.  Your son will need access to condoms though.

I wouldn't discuss anything with the mother alone.  Things could turn ugly and it be your word versus hers.  You don't need that.  Save any text messages however.

Just a thought, maybe you could try to turn things around on the girl.  Tell your son that you'd like to have her over so that YOU get to know her.  Then shower the girl with kindness and attention, dote on her.  While there, embarrass your son a bit.  Bring up things he did as a baby, maybe even pull out the bear skin rug pictures.  Hug your son a lot while she's there.  In short, make her think that you and your son are "weird."  It may be a while before he dates again.

Keep your faith. 

Good luck.



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