I know its very long. But i really don't know what to do I feel like Im going crazy no one of my friends know this or anyone i need advice on what should I do :(
Last year I met this incredible amazing guy! As I thought so .... We had a thing I guess you can say, he had a girlfriend though but we started talking before he had a girlfriend and we started to have a thing when he had his girl. I didn't pay much attention to the fact that he had a girlfriend because first of all I didn't like his girl she was a girl who had been around really easy had no respect. Everyone knew who she was and second of all he would spend a lot more time with me than with her.
He would tell me he really liked me and that he wanted to break up with her because he wanted to be with me, but that he found it hard to break up with her since she really liked him. He wanted to find the right time to cut things of with her. She knew about him and I she just didn't want to break up with him she didn't care she just wanted him. Even if he was cheating on her with me. Id look through his phone and I would see that he wouldnt even talk to her so that's where I kinda believed that he didn't want her. He would always be with me in public and around his friends I felt special.
He made me feel happy and he would always make me smile and laugh we were alike in so many ways. I've only had one boyfriend and that was 4 years ago. I was in really bad ever since I was 13 now Im 18. He made me feel wanted he made me realize that life was actually worth living he was amazing!!! One night we had a couple drinks I slept over at his house one thing led to another I was still a virgin at the moment he knew I was. He didn't pressure me to do it neither was I totally drunk I knew what I was doing it felt right at the moment. It wasn't as I expected it to be since of course it was my first time. The next morning I didn't feel awkward what so ever neither did he he actually wanted to do it again "morning sex"lol but I didn't. I felt so disappointed in myself!!! How could I possibly let that happen I was planning to loose my virginity until marriage and specially since he had a girlfriend and he wasn't me boyfriend. But he comforted me and then I realized oh yeah maybe that's why because I really really like him. But I still felt disappointed in myself
he took me home he texted me I didn't reply he texted me I didn't reply. I sent him a really long paragraph explaining him how it wasn't right of what happened especially since he had a girlfriend. He replied saying that he wanted me and not her and all this BS once again I decided to just stop talking to him I was done.
He would text me all the time but I would try my best to ignore him until one day he stopped texting me. When he did I felt like sh*t but I knew where I stood. But I felt sooooo hurt I couldn't believe I lost my virginity to him!!!!! I felt sooo stupid I liked him alot but I wasn't going to talk to him knowing he was still with his girl. I couldn't I was done because we were getting know where . I felt really hurt used!!!! I would cry myself to sleep every night for 5 months straight I wasn't going to message him because he looked happy with his girl. Did I feel so used! I was depressed I would constantly cry I felt horrible . he didn't care one bit I knew he didn't...
I still really liked him it was 8 months after what happened between us I saw him face to face he said hi I said hi too he messaged me and I replied I still really liked him I felt happy that he did. He didn't have a girl no more so I felt hope that we would go back to where we were. We hunged out one day I felt so happy to be with him even though I was hurt so bad by him but I still wanted him no matter what. At the moment I asked him why did he decided to put me through all that he didn't have nothing to say so I got off the car I was mad and upset once again I wasn't going to cry infront of him. But I did once I was home I felt stupid useless worthless . horrible!!!!!!!!! He had a thing with another girl who I thought was my friend I still liked him alot it was a year and I was still not over him we haven't talked what so ever. But up to date I still want him and miss him a lot it has been a year and I want him like no other!!! I try forgetting him but everytime im talking to someone I catch myself loosing interest and thinking about him.... What should I do :(
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