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I know how you are feeling. I gave birth by c-section so there was no tearing (though there was a lot of other recovery). It's very likely due to the crazy shift in hormones we all have to go through to get back to normal (thus the seemingly unprovoked sobbing sessions you'll walk in on). Also if she is breast feeding that's a likely culprit. My OB told me that it would be an issue, and it was, and to just keep a lot of KY on hand. It should be better and she could definitely get checked out to make sure she doesn't have a female infection of some sort. :-) We've just conceived our second child and I can assure you that she will get better, but it does take several months and some patients (not to mention a dark room, as many of us ladies feel saggy and totally unsexy forever after giving birth).
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To the Guest who posted on the 25th of June 2010: It sounds like you have the same problem I had after the birth of our daughter. It felt like a fish hook was being jerked into my skin every time we tried to have sex. I had the equivalent of a skin tag in my vaginal opening. When you have a baby, the remnants of your hymen get stretched and tear. Usually they aren't a problem, but sometimes they can cause serious discomfort. If I were you, I would schedule a visit to your obgyn and get it fixed. You and hubby will be a lot happier!
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Hello All,
You need to know that you might have an infection and that's why it hurts. I think you should go to a Dr and make sure that it's not an infection. I have pain too and I'm not quitting on sex, we keep trying and if it doesn't work, we shift to oral sex. Peace of advice, don't ignore sex for a long time because it's unfair to both of you and it will not solve the problem.

Regards
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its strange how none of us are warned that giving birth can destroy our sex lives forever. no they dont sew you up right. if they wanted to they could put all the tearing back together how it was originally but instead the person who stitched me up used just one stitch wich came out a couple of days after i gave birth and by then it had started healing up wrong. I now have two bits of flesh that have healed up but nolonger joined together like they are supposed to be. As you can imagine, sex now make the scar area extramly sore. I feel angry that i wasnt given the option of a c section. Giving birth has caused nerve damage so i now feel nothing during penetration.
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I have painful sex after a year of giving birth, and so I went to the dr. She said a piece of skin didn't heal right, and gave me esterase. It is estrogen creme to put on that area. So we will see!
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Hi everybody, its nice to know that there are so many other people that felt the same way i did/do! I had my baby 4 months ago now and still sex is painful. The first couple of times i had to grit my teeth! we took it really slowly but it felt as though something wasnt quite right inside.. i now think it must have been some deep grazing. I had an episiotomy which healed beautifully- everything seemed to apear normal and the cut/scar itself has caused no problems. The grazing however can take some time to heal and causes alot of pain.. i used to love sex but now id rather hoover!! I did get very depressed as i felt not only does me body feel saggy, iv now lost my sex drive. I too have had some bleeding after sex and thought id research it which was when i came accross this site.. I dont think us women should beat ourselves up over it, it is horrible to think that we may have gone from sex monster to, well hoover lover in my case but we are wonderful creatures and we need to be patient with our bodies. Take it slow.. very slow... and get some lube :-) and/or go and see a doctor and get them to take a good look at things.
:-)
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Hello Everyone,
I delivered 9 weeks ago and I also felt pain during sex. It confused me because I had a c-section. What worked for me was being on top where I could control incertion, and LOTS of lubrication. Also, my husband and I took a romantic shower prior, it helped me to relax and get me in the mood.

My advice to you women still having trouble after months or even a year or better, talk to your doctor. You trusted him / her with the most important procedure of your life, the delivery of your child, you should be able to talk to them and maybe get some help returning to a normal sex life. Mine made the above suggestions and had options to look into if it didn't work.
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I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one as well.  My daughter just turned a year and sex is still very painful.  I was afraid to go see the doctor because I was scared of the examination and worried that I wouldn't be able to have more children.  I found out that the nerves did not fuse properly and is making the skin where I tore very sensitive.  My husband and I have only been able to find one position that is comfortable for sex.  I'm afraid sometimes to have sex because of the pain and I wish I could make it go away.  I'm hoping that if I have another child, the discomfort I'm feeling will go away if I have stitches again.
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Hi,
My son is four months old now and before I had a baby I truly did enjoy sex. After the six weeks my husband and I attempted to have sex, well that ended terribly. I was in tears and he was so upset he hurt me he had to leave the room. We didn't try again for another couple of weeks. The second time we had sex it was the same thing and this continued on for at least five or six more times, which was a couple of months. Soon I was terrified to even try and have sex, but wanting to make my husband happy I always tried. Now was actually the one to start wanting to experiment. First it was more lubricant and that didn't work, then we tried different positions and that didn't work, finally we tried something that actually worked. Now men you may be skeptical, but I really found this to work and now we have sex 3 or 4 times a week. Play with her (not including penetration yet), I find with a vibrator is best. Let her orgasm, not only does the vibrations numb the vaginal area, but so does the orgasm. Then try having sex. It may not get rid of all the pain, but it gets rid of a lot of it, which believe me, makes for a much better sex life.
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Same here. I also think that the doctor did a bad job in stitches. No sex for 1 year...
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My son is one and tho the pain isn't there while my husband and I are having sex i am soar after words. Ask you doctor for estrogen cream after you have given birth. I think my mistake was not using all of it. What happens is the skin can become thin and dry. The estrogen cream help to get it back to normal. The article posted above sounded very informative, thank you. I think my problem is the chafing.
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Quote:I delivered 9 weeks ago and I also felt pain during sex. It confused me because I had a c-section. What worked for me was being on top where I could control incertion, and LOTS of lubrication. Also, my husband and I took a romantic shower prior, it helped me to relax and get me in the mood.


I had a c-section as well (twice actually).  It's not the passage of the baby that will cause the discomfort that we all seem to have in common, though I'm sure it would contribute if attempted too soon.  It's the hormones.  Before sex can really get good again all those have to go back to normal, which takes a little bit of time.  Also if you are breast feeding it's even worse.  Even my 6 week exam was horrible.  My midwife was apologizing the whole time.  My first OB said it was normal during the breastfeeding period and totally a hormonal issue.  She recommended LOTS of KY (my sister actually used Crisco on a doctor's suggestion...ugh...don't mix your bedroom canister with the baking one!).  KY doesn't really work for me and I just grin and bear it until my body has reacted sufficiently to make it tolerable.  Husbands: go SLOW and if she starts crying, maybe consider using your hand.  Crying is not sexy.  Don't draw it out in hopes of making her orgasm unless she says something that encourages you to, it won't happened otherwise.  I'm sorry, it really does hurt.  Also don't assume that a ribbed condom would be a fun experiment those first few times unless you really wanted your honey to feel like she's having sex with a cheese grater.  My husband was like, "did you notice the ribbing?"  Uh yep, I did!  On the bright side it gets better eventually.  I have a second child, so obviously it wasn't horrible forever.  The end of breastfeeding brought a lot of normalizing changes on, so don't despair!

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OMGiNA! MY FIANCE AND I HAD OUR DAUGHTER 7 MONTHS AGO AND IM STILL EXPERIENCING PAIN. LUBERCATION IS NOT AN ISSUE, NEVER HAS BEEN. I THOUGHT IT WAS A UTI OR A VI, TRUST ME AS A HONEST WOMEN I WAS WORRIED. I DIDNT LET IT GET IN THE WAY BECAUSE TRUST IS A IMPORTANT FACTOR, MY FIANCE ASKED ME WHY I CRIED AFTER A CLIMAX AND ALL I COULD SAY AT THE TIME WAS " BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH AN LOVE HURTS" AND EVERY SINCE THEN I ASKED TO TAKE IT SLOW. WE HAVE SEX ALMOST EVERY NITE AND YES ITS HURTS AND I THOUGHT MAYBE THE MORE I DO IT THE SOONER IT WILL GO AWAY.. THE PAIN DOSNT COME EVERYDAY SO MY ADVICE TOO YU LADIES IS.. WE GO THROUGH CHILD BIRTH AND THATS THE PAIN OF ALL PAIN. SEX MAY HURT BUT IT WILL NEVER BE AS PAINFUL AS CHILDBIRTH WITH OR WITHOUT DRUGS.. I LOVE MY MAN AND MY FAMILY AND I WILL DEAL WIT IT UNTIL IT GOES AWAY. SEX IS 70%OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. YU CANT JUST GIVE UP ON IT. KEEP TRYING HE DESERVES THE PLEASURE, ESPECIALLY IF YU STILL WANT HIM TO STICK AR:-) UND!

 

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it hasn't been 17 months for me it has only been 2 months but I feel the same way about my doctor, he asn't the one supposed to be delivering my child he was the one who happened to be on call and instead of calling my OBGYN in he stepped in and he did an episiotomy cut me way to deep and didn't stitch me up properly when I went to my baby doc for my 6 week check up I found out he didn't stitch me properly my body took a possible reaction to the stitches he's not sure b/c I have lots of scar tissue that I have to have removed, and in order for him to do that he has to put me to sleep to avoid me being uncomfortable during the procedure, I feel very alone as well, I know it has only been 2 months after giving birth to my second child but I've never felt soo down on myself!! I'm worried that if things don't change soon my hubby is going to want to go else where to get pleasured b/c no matter how often we try he just can't get it in any further than 2 inches before I become sore! and it's no place near where the episiotomy site is at all, it's on the opposite site of the vaginal wall about an inch inside....I'm not sure what is wrong but I know it hurts and I have been having a re-occurring dream that my husband has cheated on me just for the sex b/c I can't give it to him the way we would both like, I know he wouldn't he's not that type of man he is very loving and loves his family but I think it is a self conscious thing.....but very upsetting! and not to mention frustrating on both ends his and mine :(
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before i got pregnant with my first child i could have sex multiple times a day everyday.. once i got pregnant it slowly started to hurt... by the time i had her and was hoping everything would go back to normal its was even worse... this continued through my second pregnancy and i was so big that didnt help with things either... now my 2nd is 5 months and its a lot better... my pain wasnt at the enterance it felt like he was hitting my cervix and it then caused pain in my lower abdomen "uterus" area... my doctor said we just needed to find the positions that work for us but that was very limited... she also said a water based lube... but i found the more i was down for it the better it was i needed a little extra attention "fore play"... cuz remember men r race cars and women are like crock pots.. i also thought it could be cuz my uterus tilted but... it was all about being relaxed lubed and rarin to go... drinking also helped... i found that if i got a little buzzed to give him at least one good time every once and while it relaxes your body and u r more likely not to feel as much pain... hopefully this helps some... it took me about 4 1/2 years to get basically back to normal but thats what sex is about exploring new things with the one u love and finding out about what makes the other tic...
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