A lot of where he was coming from had to do with his physical condition of today. When he was younger, he was very physically fit...in incredible shape...running...biking...swimming...all the above. Very good looking. Very active. I remember and knew him this way.
Now...he has physical problems that prevent him from doing anything. Gained weight. Has to have surgeries to correct these problems in the months to come. Not happy with his sedentary life. Not the same man. I know it, he knows it. HOWEVER, I do not judge him for being this man (let me be clear about this). I like people for who they are.
I think he shuts all that I do out in order to cope with his situation. I'm not making it an excuse for him and what he had to say to me. He's not entirely closed off to what I do either, for he does ask how my running is going whenever we do talk. However, I think it's very hard for him to hear it from me.
I had to sit there and consider that this would always be an hinderance between us. I never thought that it would be as big of a deal that it is, but it is. I learned a lot about myself and now know that I'll look at all sides to people when I date. Sometimes the people we "think" are going to be great for us truly are not. It goes to show that you have to have people in sync with you to some degree.
Now...he has physical problems that prevent him from doing anything. Gained weight. Has to have surgeries to correct these problems in the months to come. Not happy with his sedentary life. Not the same man. I know it, he knows it. HOWEVER, I do not judge him for being this man (let me be clear about this). I like people for who they are.
I think he shuts all that I do out in order to cope with his situation. I'm not making it an excuse for him and what he had to say to me. He's not entirely closed off to what I do either, for he does ask how my running is going whenever we do talk. However, I think it's very hard for him to hear it from me.
I had to sit there and consider that this would always be an hinderance between us. I never thought that it would be as big of a deal that it is, but it is. I learned a lot about myself and now know that I'll look at all sides to people when I date. Sometimes the people we "think" are going to be great for us truly are not. It goes to show that you have to have people in sync with you to some degree.
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I've long said what separate long-distance running from other sports and from most other pursuits is that it's a "lifestyle". It really is. Weekend warrior flag football players or pick-up game basketball guys or noonhour elliptical junkies just don't make their sport an all life encompassing mentality. Runners are a compulsive bunch. We're attracted to it because we are hugely convicted, we're continually strive for improvement and we put expectations on ourselves that few others even dare think about.
Being a partner to a runner means accepting the lifestyle. The regime of stepping out of bed in the morning into running shoes. Planning vacations around a major road race. Doubling the amount of laundry in the house because of the workout clothes. Shoes up to your ears. Post long-run and post-race gluttony. Little sympathy for excuse makers who won't exercise. The list goes on and on; but the reality is YES, your mate has to be compatible to this lifestyle and set of attitudes. No, I don't believe they need to be a junkie-runner like yourself. Mrs jrjo isn't and we're as compatible as cinammon and sugar, but she accepts and more so, appreciates the fitness-first spin I get from this endurance tilted view of life.
And maybe that's the lesson to learn there Noley. The object lessons learned from having 'endurance' are a big part of a relationship and those unable, or worse, unwilling to embrace what endurance sports are about will miss one of, if not the, biggest parts of your life.
Being a partner to a runner means accepting the lifestyle. The regime of stepping out of bed in the morning into running shoes. Planning vacations around a major road race. Doubling the amount of laundry in the house because of the workout clothes. Shoes up to your ears. Post long-run and post-race gluttony. Little sympathy for excuse makers who won't exercise. The list goes on and on; but the reality is YES, your mate has to be compatible to this lifestyle and set of attitudes. No, I don't believe they need to be a junkie-runner like yourself. Mrs jrjo isn't and we're as compatible as cinammon and sugar, but she accepts and more so, appreciates the fitness-first spin I get from this endurance tilted view of life.
And maybe that's the lesson to learn there Noley. The object lessons learned from having 'endurance' are a big part of a relationship and those unable, or worse, unwilling to embrace what endurance sports are about will miss one of, if not the, biggest parts of your life.
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Because I sat there on that date and really thought about how someone would have to relate to what I do with my running in order to be more serious with me.
I never thought that way before in my past...when I dated before I was married 15 years ago. This a new way of thinking for me. I wanted to know if others felt the same.
Who died and made you Dr. Phil anyway! :P
I never thought that way before in my past...when I dated before I was married 15 years ago. This a new way of thinking for me. I wanted to know if others felt the same.
Who died and made you Dr. Phil anyway! :P
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i think fitness, more than a specific sport, should be a common ground in a relationship. i could not and would not pursue a relationship with a smoking couch potato, even if he were the sweetest most genuine most adoring most handsome most generous person on earth. fitness is a pre requisite in a life partner for me. i can not be interested in someone who does not have respect for their own health and well being.
my husband does not run but has been nothing but supportive. i do not talk about the running to him, except to plan a race day, or of course to invite running friends to share the weekend at my house! he's been nothing but supportive of all that....as far as our "running" conversations go, it is limited to "didya run today?"...and that's that. he does his thing, i do mine and neither is BOTHERED by the other's interests. it is, however, mutual support. best of all, i think, is that he appreciates how much running has meant to me always always encourages me to go forward with it. he has accepted my choice and this lifestyle with zero objections along the way.
i think this person is totally threatened by your lifestyle nolefan and can't imagine it being such a huge part of anyone's life.
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Of course we all do. Why else would we have to congregate on a website with people thousands of miles apart to talk about this endorphin riddled way of life?
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I guess I never thought of it before. My husband is into working out, runs with me sometimes but isn't interested in racing. He is very supportive of me though and always comes to my races.
I think it is more about people compromising really. Whether it be running or school or any other hobby I think that a significant other should be supportive.
That being said, I also think that if you are the one involved in the sport/school/hobby, you need to understand that your significant other may be sacraficing and/or compromising and try to not let it run both of your lives. I knew a woman that was so completely obsessed with running and triathlons that was all she could talk about. She really had nothing else to say...really. Didn't care about what anyone else was doing or what was going on in their lives, just wanted to talk about herself and her running/training. That I think is a bit much for anyone to stand.
I think it is more about people compromising really. Whether it be running or school or any other hobby I think that a significant other should be supportive.
That being said, I also think that if you are the one involved in the sport/school/hobby, you need to understand that your significant other may be sacraficing and/or compromising and try to not let it run both of your lives. I knew a woman that was so completely obsessed with running and triathlons that was all she could talk about. She really had nothing else to say...really. Didn't care about what anyone else was doing or what was going on in their lives, just wanted to talk about herself and her running/training. That I think is a bit much for anyone to stand.
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I wouldn't even know where to begin to explain to anyone the running forum concept either. I get off better with saying, "running communities" when I try to explain my connections to everyone here. I'm sure you all can relate to this then. I just never thought of myself of really THINKING about this as a common factor. Right now, it has to be.
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Well said RR. I get the vibe this guy is intimidated.
But too, I don't yap on and on with people in my life who don't run. But most people in my life know I do it and at least ask about it because they know its important to me. For example my minimally running, never competitive Mama Pffff will say "how far did you go? Did you go as fast as you planned? How do you feel?" etc and I answer her concisely and she's happy, I'm happy and its all good.
I personally couldnt' be with someone for whom health/fitness wasn't a priority...has been a conflict in the past.
But too, I don't yap on and on with people in my life who don't run. But most people in my life know I do it and at least ask about it because they know its important to me. For example my minimally running, never competitive Mama Pffff will say "how far did you go? Did you go as fast as you planned? How do you feel?" etc and I answer her concisely and she's happy, I'm happy and its all good.
I personally couldnt' be with someone for whom health/fitness wasn't a priority...has been a conflict in the past.
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Is it terrible of me to have these thoughts going through my mind as well?
Like, should I automatically interview a prospective "datee" with questions like...
"Do you run?"
"Are you physically active?"
"What do you think about people who do run?"
"How long is a marathon?" :LOL: Get it?
Like, should I automatically interview a prospective "datee" with questions like...
"Do you run?"
"Are you physically active?"
"What do you think about people who do run?"
"How long is a marathon?" :LOL: Get it?
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More and more in my life my friends and family are more plugged into the whole forum/online life. A couple friends have blogs, my mom is part of a cycling club with a massive forum, several coworkers are obsessed with the cookinglight forums...several fellow students are obsessed with allnurses forums...my sister is into weird parenting forums...uncle in photography listserves... its becoming less weird. nothing however explains away the quantity of time I've spent at this website in the last 3+ years
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Funny you should say that. My husband asked me one time..."how long is Philly Marathon"...uh 26.2 miles. "What about NYC?"....26.2
He didn't quite grasp that all are 26.2 :)
He didn't quite grasp that all are 26.2 :)
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