Pregnant and don't know who the father is

Guest over a year ago

This is a horrible situation and I wish this upon nobody. I have definitely learned my lesson and regret every second of it; however, life goes on and we live with the hand we’ve been dealt. I am 30 weeks pregnant and will soon be due to give birth to a beautiful little baby girl. The problem is, I don’t know who the father is and I am hoping someone could help me out. I understand that I can get a paternity test when the baby is born (I will be doing so); however, I still have another 2 months before she is born. This “unknown” is eating at me everyday and making my pregnancy more difficult and painful to go through. Please, any help would put my mind at ease. Here is the information:

- I had unprotected sex using the pull-out method Oct 20, 2010

- My LMP was Oct 22 – 29

- I had a one night stand on Tues Nov 2. We used a latex condom the entire time and it did not seem to have been broken when he took it off.

- Later that evening (past 1am) my boyfriend and I had sex without any protection and he came inside of me. I again, had sex with him the next morning Wed Nov 3 without any protection and he came inside of me.

- Thursday November 4 I took Plan B One Step.

- Saturday November 6, I took a HPT (Clear Blue Digital) and it came back positive!

- I made an appointment on Nov 20 at a clinic where they confirmed my pregnancy via internal ultrasound, and from the measurements of the zygote, he determined I was 4-5 (gestation) weeks along.

- On Dec 2, I went to see an OBGYN and they performed another internal ultrasound and said I was 7 weeks 1 day pregnant and gave me a due date of July 18, 2011 with a conception date of Oct 25, 2010.

My cycles are typically 28 days, but sometimes my period comes sooner. Who is the father?! Is it possible to receive a positive HPT 4 days after having sex? can I conceive while I am on my period? How accurate is the ultrasound in early pregnancy? Please any help would be appreciated!

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medic-dan109453 over a year ago

Hi guest,

Did you have sex prior to October 20th?

Was this a "normal" period in October? Or was it different than usual.

If your October period ran from the 22nd -29th then having sex on the 20th would be unlikely to cause pregnancy. The egg, released during ovulation, would not usually be viable that late. It is usually viable on days 11-16 of your cycle, not day 26.

November 2, would be day 11 of your cycle. It's very possible. You'd be ovulating soon and the sperm would be viable for up to 5 days. If the condom was intact it is unlikely it was the one night stand.

November 3rd, same, very likely.

Plan B should have worked if you were impregnated on the 2nd or 3rd. It was taken within 72 hours.

Even if you were impregnated on the 2nd or 3rd, it is unlikely that the hCG levels would be high enough for a home test on the 6th. You usually would need to wait until you missed a period, which should have been about the November 19th.

Yes you can conceive on your period, it isn't likely early but it can happen.

NOTE: most doctors consider pregnancy starting with the LMP. So the dates may be off. The ultrasound can be off.

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bambi27109793 over a year ago

Hi honey! I will help you 1st by saying due to the fact that you had enough about you to use protection I DOUBT VERY much that the ONS is the father! So when you went too see the doctor he told you that you were 4/5 weeks GESTATIONAL - which means the amount of weeks from the 1st day of your last period! And ALL subsequent ultrasounds say the same thing! UNLESS you ask them too guestimate the fetal age of the baby! So here's my 2 cents a woman ca get pregnant at ANYTIME of the month- BUT most get pregnant approximately 14 days before their next period is due! So in your case you would be ovulating around November 5th! BUT - there's always a but - when you have sex sperm can live about 3+ days in the uterine cavity and fallopian tubes! Ovulation is THAT day and that's it! As long as the ONS didn't even have his penis anywhere near your opening - un protected! Then it should be your boyfriends! NOW here's another input! I think that you actually got pregnant on October 20th! And the reason why I mention this date is this! Plan B is VERY VERY efficient - it doesn't allow conception! Conception takes just over 72 hours to complete! So you took the pill in the right time frame, so this would have negated ANY conception from the 2nd and 3rd! And also most times you need a good 14 days after conception for a test too show pregnant! Which would be right - because the test was November 6th, and Plan B does NOT stop a zygot that has already embedded into the lining! So when you go too your doctors again, have him/her too look at the information and just say "I know I am 30 weeks, but how far a long is the baby at this point - I'm just wondering"?! You are pregnant for 9 months, but gestationally it is 40 weeks! Give or take 2 weeks either side! The will measure your daughters femur, head, spine etc. and can give you a GREAT timeline! So just act non challante! And then you WILL know!

I do NOT like deceit but can you tell me if your boyfriend knows about the ONS? If he doesn't what point will it be too bring up that you had sex with both men on the same day! Also is the one night stand already in the wind!? Or do you know him? This is the ONLY way you will find out whom is her dad! Hope this helps ad please let me know how things go OK?

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Guest over a year ago

Hi medic-dan,

Thank you for your response. Yes, this was a normal full 7-day menstrual cycle. So according to your calculations, which date do you think I got pregnant?

Hi Bambi27,

Thank you so much for your insight! I very much appreciate it :). I'm praying and crossing my fingers that it's my boyfriend's daughter.

No, I have not told my boyfriend about the ONS. Believe me, I do not consider myself a deceitful person and likewise, I am very much against it. This situation makes it very difficult for me to come clean... If I were to tell him, I know for a fact he would breakup with me and that would be the end of us and our potential family. I don't want to feel like a murder and crush his soul; it would pain him more than anything in the world. It's already difficult enough going through this pregnancy with a big question mark eating at me every second, let alone, feeling like I had crushed my boyfriend's soul. His sadness would burden me deeply and I would be in much more pain than I am in now, more pain than I could fathom. I want to wait for the results from the paternity test and take it from there. If you're wondering whether or not I will tell my boyfriend about the ONS if the results are what I want them to be? Possibly; when the right time comes.

I don't know what I was thinking when I slept with both men on the same night. My relationship at that time with my boyfriend wasn't going too well, and for whatever reason, a part of me just longed for some companionship. I came back that night from my ONS feeling completely horrendous and disgusted. I regretted it the second I left... I came back to my boyfriend's place and wanted to make love to him knowing he was the one I wanted to be with. I vowed and have promised myself, I will never (never is a strong word...) cheat on him again. The ONS is what it is - a one night thing, one time, never again.

The ONS is someone I know but I am not in close relation with. I did come clean to him and have told him that he could potentially be the father. He has already told me he wants nothing to do with the child, and refused to do a paternity test. He wants me to perform a paternity test with my boyfriend first and take it from there. My boyfriend is willing to do a paternity test. Since we are not married to each other, I want to have the DNA results on file just in case something were to happen. ( I suppose this is half telling the truth).

I will definitely let you know how things go. Thank you again.

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Guest over a year ago

Sorry Medic-Dan

I forgot to mention that I did have sex with my boyfriend prior to Oct 20 but I don't recall the specific dates. I just ruled out any date before Oct 20 since my ultrasound and due dates would be off by a great amount of time. I thought early ultrasounds performed within the first 12 weeks were quite accurate +/- a few days?

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medic-dan109453 over a year ago

Hi guest,

If you're positive that your LMP in October was a full, normal, 7 day period, then you likely weren't impregnated until the 2nd or 3rd or November. Plan B "should" have been effective then though. HPT's normally wouldn't register either.

Early ultrasounds can be off. They are more accurate at finding heartbeats or when features appear than they are at measuring the growth. There is some interpretation there. Not all fetuses, like people, develop at the same rate. In this case where 2 weeks is important they just aren't close enough.

I tend to believe you were impregnated in early October and it wasn't a normal period in late October. Your prior period would have been September 24 to October 1. Having sex between about October 5th through the 12th would be about right. Plan B would not have done anything (as happened) and your HPT would have read positive (as happened.)

You will need the DNA test to confirm but I tend to think it's the boyfriend.

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Guest over a year ago

Hi Medic-Dan

Thank you again for your response. My period in September was actually from September 19 - 25. I am quite positive the period I had in October was a normal, full-period. It started off heavy flow and tapered off like it typically does within a course of 7 days. I'm just baffled by the entire situation since medically, nothing really makes sense. Plan B should have worked accordingly if I did get pregnant from Nov 2- 3 and I don't know how I would have produced enough hCG hormone to test positive 4 days after intercourse. If I did get pregnant in October, I would have not gotten my period at the end of the month.

I did forget to mention that after taking plan B, I had heavy brown spotting (I needed a tampon) for 2 days and it completely stopped after day 2. This happened exactly a week later after taking the pill. Could this have been attachment bleeding or a side effect of taking plan B?

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medic-dan109453 over a year ago

Implantation bleeding is usually light but with all things in nature there is a variation. It is common for spotting to occur a few days or so after Plan B.

Some things are just not making complete sense. That's OK though, just harder for you to figure things out.

Good luck.

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bambi27109793 over a year ago

I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in again! I TRULY believe you became pregnant from the October 20th! Even though you had a regular period on the 22nd, you could have ovulated late due to illness, stress, hormones etc. And also you mentioned too Medic Dan that you had sex earlier in the month! I usually use office terms that can show what happened! Every month the brain and ovaries send memos too each other and the brain will tell the ovary when too release an egg and thus the cycle of menstruation! BUT sometimes the brain didn't get the memo that something happened mid month! And actually what you have is NOT a period it is NOW called "Vaginal Bleeding" Which means the lining of your uterus is just releasing itself - even though there IS a Zygot already buried into the uterine lining! Thus hearing about women who had their periods through their pregnancy - it was the vaginal bleeding! Usually ALL from hormones! And the brown spotting would have been the reminents of that due to Plan B! I REALLY believe that your boyfriend IS the dad! As the ONS is FAR too early too show pregnancy results! And a week or 2 in ultrasound land - especially at the beginning- isn't too much different! As it is SMALLER than SMALL! So I think you need to relax and just know that this IS your boyfriends! I think for him to go for the DNA result would be opening a HUGE can of worms! The best thing to do is to find out the babies blood type - which they will give you at the hospital! And your boyfriends and figure out the results from there!

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Guest over a year ago

Thank you all both for your input! I really appreciate it and just wanted to let you know that it has really helped in putting my mind at ease. I also came to realize that my period is NOT a typical 28 day cycle - I believe it's a 33 day cycle instead. I specifically remember having my period in September 19 - 25 (it was the week of my birthday) and again on October 22 - 29 (+/- 1 day). This definitely changes things in terms of my ovulation cycle, and really has me to believe that I probably got pregnant in October and had a 7 day bleed. I could be wrong though... you never know. Any input on this new information???

bambi27,

I've done some research on determing paternity related on blood-type and have come to learn that it's not a reliable form of paternity test. I really would NOT want to do a DNA test with my boyfriend as it will open up a can of worms, but I suppose it's the only way I can know for sure. Any input on whether or not I should perform a DNA test? The sad part is, my boyfriend has NO doubt in his mind that this little girl is his. He personally does not want to do a DNA test himself and that has me to believe that regardless of the situation, he will be there. The ONS has already denied the test and wants nothing to do with the child. I would feel immensely guilty though if later down the road I find out that this child is NOT biologically his.

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bambi27109793 over a year ago

Hi honey! I know that blood tests aren't as reliable! BUT without opening a VERY painful door - this is the best way to find out if there is a similarity at least! So with your later ovulation then it would be right still that it was your boyfriend! You used PROTECTION with the ONS! It is NOT his honey! Condoms are 97%+ effective! Plus when they fail there has to be a leak, a hole and you HAVE to be ovulating! Which you weren't! This is NOT his honey! It can't be it's down too like a .0003% chance! And that is NOT good enough odds, too destroy your boyfriend! And go through the pain of waiting for a DNA result! And he WILL know there is something up! Because his friends will tell him they they didn't have to have one! So try and relax honey! And think of the reasons why this is NOT the ONS's baby! There are many of them! BIG Hugs!

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milkmilkmilk over a year ago

Was your boyfriend the father?

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Guest2 over a year ago

I know this is old but I am
In a similar situation and was wondering if you could help me out. I had LMP Oct 8-12 I then had sex with me ex on the 13th. I had sex with my current bf on the 18th then took the plan b on the 19th but had sex with him again a few hours later. I continued to have sex with him the rest of the month. The doc said i concieved around the 22 and my ultrasound said the 20th. Does plan b not work if you have sex again a few hours after taking it?

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medic-dan109453 over a year ago

Hi Guest,

Plan B is a "one-time" deal. It offers no long term protection whatsoever.

You say "continued to have sex with him the rest of the month." That's when you likely conceived, not a few hours after taking the Plan B.

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Guest over a year ago

Guest, who turnedbout to be the father of your baby? Im in a similar situation :(

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