Hi all,

This sounds so stupid but I cannot help how I feel.  So my girlfriend was seeing someone before me for a few months who was a complete loser and I don't even mean that in an arrogant or insecure way.  There's two main issues for me - firstly she did all of the work and secondly there does not seem to be one redeeming feature about him, I'm a massive thinker which probably doesn't help but here's my observations.


She used to drive some 130 miles on a weekend to go and see him - he never went to see her.  She actually went further to his home and drove all the way back some 160 miles on her own the day before starting her new job.  She used to stay in a hotel at considerable expense that he said he would contribute to the cost of but did not.  What would be the appeal of this, wouldn't you think the guy is an id**t and only after one thing?

Redeeming Features

I see none from this guy other than he offered her some attention - she had come out of a long term relationship so was maybe requiring male attention.

He is not good looking, seems very immature, has a child but not in a relationship wit the mother and a pretty average job.  I could not picture them together, she doesn't seem like that type of girl.

Why do I Care?

I really care about and think about this guy a lot - the first night we spent together she told me about her previous and as soon as she did it made me feel sick and I got this sinking feeling.  Is it borne out of insecurity on my part?  I'd like to think it isn't - maybe it is because I care about her so much?

On the other hand, I'm a man and I have a big ego so thinking that she was previously with someone else who I do not think it worthy of her makes me question myself.  I think - is she good enough?  I also begin to question why, what was the appeal?  I have asked before a couple of times but haven't really got anywhere with it and I think I come across as insecure.

Current Relationship

I am attentive, reasonably good looking, run a successful business and with the exception of being a little argumentative and self-absorbed.  Trying to look impartially, there's no comparison between who she was seeing before and me.

Just get Over it?

Surely I should just get over it?  Well yes and no.  I sometimes feel like if we have a row or she has expectations for my attention all I can think of is who she was seeing before.  Driving 160 miles to get screwed and screwed off.  This is a problem and I shouldn't think like it but I do.  How can I forget or what do I need to do differently?