So without getting into any history about my past relationships and such, I'm hoping someone will have a little advice with life as it is 'here and now.' I hate that I even have to post this for the world to see and can't simply talk to anyone about it. :(
My boyfriend is approx 12 years younger then I am ... when we met, I admit to assuming he was a bit too young, however, we eventually starting a lot of time together, getting to know each other as 'friends' and it just went from there ...
We ended up as a 'couple' so to speak, got along great and more importantly - he got along with my boys just great. (14, 16 and one not living at home anymore is 20)
It's been nearly 3 years already, both of us have been on a financial roller coaster (mainly broke to be honest) and while I've a great resume, there isn't a lot of work in this area and I've been doing a lot of 'piece' work as well as random online projects. (I've currently just started as a retail manager however!) he's still at home ...
Problem now is, he is ALWAYS cranky, always looking (or so it feels) for a reason to be pissed off or bitching about something. More often then not, he's bitching at me to 'b***h' at the boys about the most silliest things and if I don't do it, he becomes even more cranky and hateful. I don't know why, but lately - he likes to 'pretend' he's hitting or choking me. Maybe twice he's wrapped his hands around my throat to the point that's it's hurt/scared me. Once in a while he'll throw what I call a tantrum and throw/break things. Occasionally, I find him rather harsh with my dog and it's like he finds it funny to have the dog be afraid of him. (I have a small Maltese.)
This didn't just start once I'd begun working, it's been escalating for a very long time ... a year or so, give or take.
He has more than once told me that he wishes I didn't have any kids and that he didn't like them at all. I'm beginning to make myself sound like a terrible mother now aren't I? =(
He always wants us to stay in the room with the damn door closed, I f!cking HATE it. Whenever I mention us all watching a movie together or going for an ice-cream, etc he never wants to do it - it's always "you go with them, come back and then we'll go do something."
What the hell is going on here?
I do love him, but hell - I feel as though he's never happy and that it's because of me. I just want to live without the stress of all this tension and make everyone I love and that matters to me happy.
He comments on how things will be when the kids move out and so on, but I'm not in a rush for that at all. He complains that they don't listen, 'eat everything up', etc, etc. I know they're not the most behaved at times and can get rather mouthy, but aside from that, I don't feel the need to be trying to get all over them for EVERY LITTLE THING. Not one of my boys (including the 20 year old) does drugs, drinks, smokes, gets into trouble, etc ... so in my opinion, things could be a lot worse.
For the record, the kids and I usually get along and don't argue much at all.
Things are tough for them too at times, especially when we're struggling one week and not knowing what to expect the next, etc, etc. I'm doing my best. =(
Is this relationship doomed? It's beginning to feel that way - I just can't handle being in the middle any longer.
My boyfriend is approx 12 years younger then I am ... when we met, I admit to assuming he was a bit too young, however, we eventually starting a lot of time together, getting to know each other as 'friends' and it just went from there ...
We ended up as a 'couple' so to speak, got along great and more importantly - he got along with my boys just great. (14, 16 and one not living at home anymore is 20)
It's been nearly 3 years already, both of us have been on a financial roller coaster (mainly broke to be honest) and while I've a great resume, there isn't a lot of work in this area and I've been doing a lot of 'piece' work as well as random online projects. (I've currently just started as a retail manager however!) he's still at home ...
Problem now is, he is ALWAYS cranky, always looking (or so it feels) for a reason to be pissed off or bitching about something. More often then not, he's bitching at me to 'b***h' at the boys about the most silliest things and if I don't do it, he becomes even more cranky and hateful. I don't know why, but lately - he likes to 'pretend' he's hitting or choking me. Maybe twice he's wrapped his hands around my throat to the point that's it's hurt/scared me. Once in a while he'll throw what I call a tantrum and throw/break things. Occasionally, I find him rather harsh with my dog and it's like he finds it funny to have the dog be afraid of him. (I have a small Maltese.)
This didn't just start once I'd begun working, it's been escalating for a very long time ... a year or so, give or take.
He has more than once told me that he wishes I didn't have any kids and that he didn't like them at all. I'm beginning to make myself sound like a terrible mother now aren't I? =(
He always wants us to stay in the room with the damn door closed, I f!cking HATE it. Whenever I mention us all watching a movie together or going for an ice-cream, etc he never wants to do it - it's always "you go with them, come back and then we'll go do something."
What the hell is going on here?
I do love him, but hell - I feel as though he's never happy and that it's because of me. I just want to live without the stress of all this tension and make everyone I love and that matters to me happy.
He comments on how things will be when the kids move out and so on, but I'm not in a rush for that at all. He complains that they don't listen, 'eat everything up', etc, etc. I know they're not the most behaved at times and can get rather mouthy, but aside from that, I don't feel the need to be trying to get all over them for EVERY LITTLE THING. Not one of my boys (including the 20 year old) does drugs, drinks, smokes, gets into trouble, etc ... so in my opinion, things could be a lot worse.
For the record, the kids and I usually get along and don't argue much at all.
Things are tough for them too at times, especially when we're struggling one week and not knowing what to expect the next, etc, etc. I'm doing my best. =(
Is this relationship doomed? It's beginning to feel that way - I just can't handle being in the middle any longer.
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You have a job and he doesn't.
I think that's the crux of the problem.
He can't handle that.
He needs some serious help before he does something to you and/or your kids and dog.
It sounds like your kids are doing fine, and you've done a great job raising them. That won't last if you make them live with him much longer, unless he gets help.
I think that's the crux of the problem.
He can't handle that.
He needs some serious help before he does something to you and/or your kids and dog.
It sounds like your kids are doing fine, and you've done a great job raising them. That won't last if you make them live with him much longer, unless he gets help.
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