Ever since 8th grade...i've never felt like I was the same person, with the same exuberance and confidence....
I'm 5'2 and approx. 145lbs. When I look at myself, all i see is fat....I am disgusted with me..with my body. It makes me sick to think how fat I am. Yet, I can look at other women...my size and larger and can honestly say I see them as beautiful.
This has been a source of my 'depression' since I was in highschool. I have a family that loves me for who I am, and doesnt see me as anything put normal. I have a loving boyfriend who thinks I'm fine the way I am. So why do I see myself as such a beast...and I see every other 'heavy-set' woman as beautiful?
My mother always said I show such confidence with anything that I do....but I can honestly tell you I'm the furthest from confidence...inside.
I just want to stop seeing myself as disgusting....and start to love me for who i am. I admit I have been pressured by societies idea of perfection. I never thought I would because I'm of strong mind and I don't care what people think. but I must, if this issue bothers me til no end.

I'm jsut wondering if anyone feels this way, or has in the past.....and if so....how do you deal with it....how have you dealt with it? i'm sick of feeling this way...and I'm sick of being 'depressed' about it...I make everyone else miserable becasue I cant get ahold of myself...I just dont want to hurt anymore becasue of it. Please share your ideas.