About 6 months ago I met a beautiful woman while on a double date. I was not in a serious relationship at the time and she approached me. We had a great time when we first met, began corresponding and had our first date. We seemed to enjoy one another, she was very touchy feely and things were progressing nicely.
About a month or so into our dating at dinner she asked me where I thought we were. I told her I liked her and had intention. She seemed happy about it but then brought up the subject of my weight. That she had concerns about it. That she was interested in having a relationship that involved a healthy lifestyle and came across in a very sensitive manner. I had been loosing weight slowly and steadily over the course of several years and I figured. What could be wrong with that....Get on track, Get in shape and get the girl.... Over time however it seems that her sensitive request came more from a place of shalowness than concern....
We have not been intimate. She says she cannot overcome the idea of being physical with an overweight man. To complicate things even further I have been working out and eating well and losing weight more rapidly, while everybody in my life seems to be noticing she never says anything...This is further compounded by the fact that I cannot get a direct answer on how much and what it is that I have to look like for us to move forward....
The relationship is relatively healthy otherwise. we see each other regulalry, enjoy each others company, there is some light kissing and hand holding etc....we communicate and have pretty good conflict resolution......
So my question is. She picked me....after meeting her that one night I figured I would never see her again, but she made the first move. I was heavy then.... it was her choice..... and mind you she is not a small girl... (Size 10-12) I just can't decide whether her issues are reasonable and I should continue to explore a relationship with her or that she is just shallow and that this open ended circumstance allows her to benefit from having company with a pretty good guy, who is generous and caring until she finds the buff guy that she really wants.....
Your thoughts and commenst are greatly appreciated.....
About a month or so into our dating at dinner she asked me where I thought we were. I told her I liked her and had intention. She seemed happy about it but then brought up the subject of my weight. That she had concerns about it. That she was interested in having a relationship that involved a healthy lifestyle and came across in a very sensitive manner. I had been loosing weight slowly and steadily over the course of several years and I figured. What could be wrong with that....Get on track, Get in shape and get the girl.... Over time however it seems that her sensitive request came more from a place of shalowness than concern....
We have not been intimate. She says she cannot overcome the idea of being physical with an overweight man. To complicate things even further I have been working out and eating well and losing weight more rapidly, while everybody in my life seems to be noticing she never says anything...This is further compounded by the fact that I cannot get a direct answer on how much and what it is that I have to look like for us to move forward....
The relationship is relatively healthy otherwise. we see each other regulalry, enjoy each others company, there is some light kissing and hand holding etc....we communicate and have pretty good conflict resolution......
So my question is. She picked me....after meeting her that one night I figured I would never see her again, but she made the first move. I was heavy then.... it was her choice..... and mind you she is not a small girl... (Size 10-12) I just can't decide whether her issues are reasonable and I should continue to explore a relationship with her or that she is just shallow and that this open ended circumstance allows her to benefit from having company with a pretty good guy, who is generous and caring until she finds the buff guy that she really wants.....
Your thoughts and commenst are greatly appreciated.....
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It sounds like the relationship is working for her... she has what she was looking for...companionship, closeness, light romance, and no intimacy. She also has a man who apparantly is willing to shed pounds and reform his body image to suit her.
For now, as long as you're willing to settle for this type of relationship, all is fine. You're loosing weight, you're willing to change for her, and you enjoy each other's company.
The writing on the wall is pretty clear. She's not willing to commit, and has some concerns about her man's weight, being with him, being intimate with him. Unless you can accept her indecision and her constant concern about weight, you shouldn't expect anything further to develop.
Have you considered other forms of intimate contact with her? That is, if intercourse is not on the menu, what about other forms of sexual expression... oral? mutual masturbation? intimate massage? Perhaps she would be more willing to consider some other expression of intimate love. Have you discussed that?
For now, as long as you're willing to settle for this type of relationship, all is fine. You're loosing weight, you're willing to change for her, and you enjoy each other's company.
The writing on the wall is pretty clear. She's not willing to commit, and has some concerns about her man's weight, being with him, being intimate with him. Unless you can accept her indecision and her constant concern about weight, you shouldn't expect anything further to develop.
Have you considered other forms of intimate contact with her? That is, if intercourse is not on the menu, what about other forms of sexual expression... oral? mutual masturbation? intimate massage? Perhaps she would be more willing to consider some other expression of intimate love. Have you discussed that?
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