I dont know quite how to explain this. Ive always been a little wierd, and slightly reblillous. Like I have always had trouble with authority. but Ive never really done anything wrong. Lately Ive been walking around at odd hours into secluded places. out of town into the woods and other places like that. I get this feeling were everything loses definition around me. Things seem waaaay more real. So much so that it takes my breath away. I have to say it feels wonderful. I AM NOT ON ANY DRUGS OR EVER HAVE BEEN. Music hits me really hard now too. like the sounds reverberate through my whole body. this has been happening for almost a year now and I feel detached from the world. I see the people around me and it looks like they are trapped in this prison, working their lives away towards goals that have no real meaning. I "worked" with elderly people, and all I saw was depression and sadness from the emptyness of the lives they lead. No one cared how much money they had, or what they accomplished in thier lives. they slaved it all away with no real friends or family and then they died. I feel that people are trapped in this system that harvests their souls to turn them into goddam batteries that only fuel it more. I feel like one of those conspirists you see on TV who make no sense. Im not sure If Ive lost my mind or not. I quit my job. didnt see much point in keeping it. I have no suicidal thoughts at all. thought that wasting a third of my life at some place that profited some bigwig Ive never met was a waste of time.
I gave away all my money and left with my laptop, and some other supplies. Im only 20 years old. I feel so relieved and free. I dont know whats happening to me. I dont know if I should do something about it, or embrace it. I dont even know If ill listen to someone if they tell me what to do. I just wanna know whats going on.I probably didnt cover everything...
I gave away all my money and left with my laptop, and some other supplies. Im only 20 years old. I feel so relieved and free. I dont know whats happening to me. I dont know if I should do something about it, or embrace it. I dont even know If ill listen to someone if they tell me what to do. I just wanna know whats going on.I probably didnt cover everything...
Based on what you've said and just the way you type, which sounds strange but usage of words tells quite a bit about someone....you sound like you have NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (views self as being better than others, basically.) And NO, not all with NPD are vain in the way that they care about materialistic things and their appearance. By your description of how you view others (being trapped, working toward pointless goals, and your reference to working for a "bigwig" making profit off you and other workers) you sound extremely Narcissistic.
Also, your views are very unrealistic, which is called DELUSIONAL. So you may also have Delusional Disorder, NOT to be confused with Schizophrenia which includes hallucinations....Delusional Disorder means you have a certain delusion or certain delusions that are unrealistic but your actions and beliefs all relate to that delusion and no one can convince you that what you believe, is actually untrue.
For example, I can tell you that being rebellious is normal at your age and that it does not make you weird. Your trouble with authority is out of your belief that you are better than those who are position to give authority (hence the NPD). I can also tell you that without goals YOU will not a purpose. People work toward goals with more purpose than anything you've ever done. I am not working day and night for nothing. I am working toward a Ph.D in Psychology so that I will be able to help people and give my son the life he deserves. Does that sound like no meaning? If so, you are delusional. No matter what anyone says, you still believe what you believe despite proof against those beliefs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be paired with Delusional Disorder, so it's possible you have both.
It's also possible you use drugs and just did not want to admit to it because that would make your entire story pointless to those who are trying to actually help someone.
Also, your views are very unrealistic, which is called DELUSIONAL. So you may also have Delusional Disorder, NOT to be confused with Schizophrenia which includes hallucinations....Delusional Disorder means you have a certain delusion or certain delusions that are unrealistic but your actions and beliefs all relate to that delusion and no one can convince you that what you believe, is actually untrue.
For example, I can tell you that being rebellious is normal at your age and that it does not make you weird. Your trouble with authority is out of your belief that you are better than those who are position to give authority (hence the NPD). I can also tell you that without goals YOU will not a purpose. People work toward goals with more purpose than anything you've ever done. I am not working day and night for nothing. I am working toward a Ph.D in Psychology so that I will be able to help people and give my son the life he deserves. Does that sound like no meaning? If so, you are delusional. No matter what anyone says, you still believe what you believe despite proof against those beliefs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be paired with Delusional Disorder, so it's possible you have both.
It's also possible you use drugs and just did not want to admit to it because that would make your entire story pointless to those who are trying to actually help someone.