Another Kind Of Domestic Violence: Signs Of Emotional Abuse In Women

Abuse can happen to anybody, yet this problem is commonly overlooked and swept under the carpet. Most women think if they aren’t being hurt physically, they are not being abused. This is not true. Emotional abuse can affect a woman physically and emotionally, and most don’t even realize it’s happening to them.

Abuse comes in many forms. Even if there is no physical abuse or violence, an abuser’s language can be very demeaning to a woman. The most common types of emotional or mental abuse are witnessed when a woman’s partner undermines her sense of self-worth and this can be done through any of the following:

• Constant criticizing of her appearance, parenting abilities, looks, weight, intelligence, etc.
• Name calling, telling a woman that she’s crazy, nobody will want her and making fun of her and cutting her down in front of others.
• Damaging her relationship with her children by asking them to get involved in belittling her.
• Cutting a woman off from her family and/or friends in order to control her.

Signs And Symptoms Of Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can bring about many changes in a woman’s personality and/or actions, and some of the following things could indicate she may be a victim of emotional abuse:

• Threats and/or attempts of suicide
• Using negative names or terms to describe herself is a sign of being beaten down and emotionally abused
• Being careful of everything she says and does
• She won’t talk about her relationship or let anybody know what’s going on
• Sexual abuse, she may be made to feel like a sexual object
• The abuser doesn’t trust the woman and checks up on her constantly
• The abuser doesn’t value the opinion of his partner
• The abuser sends violent or threatening messages to the woman
• When speaking to friends or family, the woman might hang up the phone suddenly with no explanation
• The woman gets blamed for everything that goes wrong
• The woman’s actions are constantly monitored and/or controlled
• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Drug and/or alcohol abuse
• The woman may not be able to have financial freedom due to the abuser controlling the finances
• Threats are made to the victim to keep her from leaving the relationship

See Also: What Every Parent Should Know About Pedophiles

How To Recognize An Abuser

Emotional abuse constitutes a pattern of behavior that’s perpetuated over time and it’s designed to control another person through the use of various terror tactics. An abuser could manipulate, deceive, threaten, and intimidate, emotionally blackmail, verbally abuse, coerce or humiliate his victim as a means of controlling her. Even normal individuals occasionally engage in this sort of unacceptable behavior from time to time, but the key to spotting an abuser is through the consistency with which it happens.

How To Stop Emotional Abuse

To stop being the victim of emotional abuse, a woman needs a plan. The first thing to know is that it’s not your fault; an abuser is a bully and a coward. To curtail emotional abuse, a woman must realize she can’t change her abuser, but she can change the way she thinks and/or deals with the situation.

In order to stop emotional abuse, a woman should do the following things:

• Inform the abuser as to what and what is not acceptable: A woman needs to communicate clear boundaries with her abuser. Keep the statements short and succinct. Don’t apologize and don’t try to justify the abuser’s bad behavior; it’s not your fault.
• After setting boundaries, tell the abuser the consequences that will be enforced if the behavior continues.
• Enforce the consequences outlined: Do not bluff, because this gives an abuser all the more power to continue the bad behavior, because he or she will know the victim isn’t serious about enforcing the consequences they outlined.
• Don’t negotiate: Since abusers don’t play fair they may try to negotiate with the victim. Sometimes if an abuser has acted out and done something horrible, they will attempt to shift the blame onto the victim or try to “negotiate” to get the victim to change her mind about her boundaries. Don’t ever negotiate, because it weakens your position and gives your abuser no motivation to change.
• Never react when your boundaries are violated: Once an abuser has violated the boundaries a victim has set up, it is important to never respond. The abuser is expecting an emotional reaction and if a victim gives any sort of response, it puts them right back under control of the abuser again. Instead, a woman should keep her reaction brief and be direct with the abuser, don’t give in or allow the abuser to emotionally manipulate the situation.
• Make sure the victim has a support system in place: Even though emotional abuse may not seem like abuse to some people, it genuinely is and it can lead to physical abuse if the situation were to escalate. A woman needs to have a strong support network in place as she attempts to extricate herself from the cycle of abuse.

In terms of a woman’s emotional health, it can be very difficult to break the cycle of emotional abuse. Being a victim of emotional abuse can strip her of her personal identity and eat away at her sense of self-worth and value. Once emotional abuse has occurred, a woman starts to question everything about herself including her strength, talent, skills, and power.

The Goal Of Emotional Abuse

The goal of a partner being emotionally abusive to a woman is to gain control and chip away at her self-esteem. If a woman is a victim of emotional abuse, it can leave her feeling as if there’s no way out and that without the abuser, she has nothing and is worth nothing.  

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse and it involves yelling, shaming, blaming and name-calling. However, yelling doesn’t have to be a part of how someone emotionally abuses a woman. An abuser could use verbal intimidation, controlling and isolating behavior. Additionally, someone who is emotionally abusive may also use threats of physical violence if the victim does not do what he says.

A person might think physical abuse is much worse than emotional abuse, but the scars of emotional abuse can run deep and are very real. In fact, it can be just as damaging as any other type of abuse, and in some cases even more.

See Also: How To Recognize People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Stop The Cycle Of Abuse

There’s ways of breaking the cycle of emotional abuse and it begins with admitting that it’s going on. Speak up and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you are being abused in any way. Talk to a friend or family member you trust and don’t spend one more day being in a relationship that is tearing you apart and breaking you down, because you deserve much better.