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Is analyzing yourself and others a strategy you learned, to control yourself and others and avoid your feelings?

"Beware of creating paralysis by analysis." - Edwin and Sally Kiester

I cannot tell you how often I say to a client, “See if you can move your focus into your body. Right now you are in your head, analyzing things.”

Why do we analyze?

The wounded self in many of us is addicted to analyzing as a form of control. This used to be one of my major addictions. I loved to analyze myself and others, believing if only I could completely understand something, then I could have control over it.

The problem with this is that I could never understand myself and others from my mind/wounded self. My wounded self is not able to understand on a level that is truly helpful. So I would get stuck in the cycle of paralysis by analysis, not understanding how to find my way out.

Of course this addiction took up a lot of time, and while I was operating in this addiction, I didn’t have to feel my feelings or connect with the truth from my Guidance. I was ‘safe’ in my pursuit of knowledge and understanding, stuck in the loop of my programmed mind.

Now I know that true understanding comes only from my Guidance. It doesn’t come from my mind – it comes through my mind. Now I know that anytime I’m stuck in my mind, analyzing something, it’s really my wounded self trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain in order to feel safe.

Our wounded self can be fairly tricky in the way it does this. Often, in phone or Skype sessions and in Intensives, I experience that authoritative-sounding voice of the wounded self, acting like it is open - when what’s really happening is that it is just trying to avoid feeling painful feelings through analyzing and gathering information. The person will say things that seem like they are trying to explore their false beliefs, but there is no feeling of their heart being open.

What’s tricky is that the words of the loving Adult, when truly open to learning, and the words of the wounded self when analyzing and gathering information, may be the same words. But the energy is totally different. When I ask the person what they are feeling while they are in their head analyzing, they invariably don’t know, or they feel sad, anxious or empty. This is because while they are in their head analyzing, they are abandoning themselves, which results in feeling anxious, sad or empty. Then, because they don’t want to know that they are the one causing their painful feelings, they may get deeper into analyzing and gathering information, as a way to avoid their feelings. Hence, paralysis.

Leaving our body and going into our mind was one of the main ways we survived the pain of childhood. It was an excellent strategy for managing the painful feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, helplessness and grief that we could not handle as children. But now, it’s time to let go of this strategy and stop causing ourselves more pain by avoiding our core painful feelings. Now, as adults, we can all learn how to manage the feelings we could not manage as children.

How do you know when you are analyzing and stuck in your mind? Start to practice staying in Step One of Inner Bonding throughout the day, and you will know immediately when your inner child feels anxious, alone, sad, angry or empty due to being abandoned by you.

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