Teen And Queer: Should I Tell My Folks Now?

I Think I'm Gay: Are My Feelings Normal?

Of course your feelings are normal! Estimates suggest that around one in 10 people are either gay or bisexual, so you are in good company. Being gay or bisexual is just as normal as being straight, and being straight is just as normal as being gay or bisexual.

Could it just be a phase? You might ask yourself this question and have other people say this to you if you do talk about your feelings and thinking that you are gay. Think of it like this: Do you know of any cases in which a girl announced to her friends or parents that her first crush is a boy from school, and they tell her that it might just be a phase? No? Neither do I.

It might, mind you, take some time for you to figure out your feelings and attractions. Actually, it is quite possible, though research doesn't show exactly how often this happens, for your sexual attractions to change with time as well. (That's not the same thing as being able to change your romantic and sexual orientation on command, which some people unfortunately still think you can and should be able to do!)

You know what's definitely not a phase though? This "you being you" thing. Whether you know you are gay (or queer, or lesbian, choose your label) or bi, think you might be, or have just been hit with a serious crush or some seriously returning fantasies or dreams, you're you, just exploring who you are, and that's normal.

Do I Need To 'Come Out' Now?

Yeah, if you like! Or not, if you don't want to and there's no pressing need, such as you being a young man whose parents have set you up on a date with a young girl when you're actually into other young men. If you do want to come out as gay or bisexual, how do you go about it?

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Here are some tips for you:

• "Practice" on someone you are pretty sure will fully accept you, even on the internet.
• You can say, "hey, I'm gay" in an all-out announcement moment, but you could also say, more informally, "hey, I'm really into this gal from gymnastics", "nah, I'm not really into the idea of getting a boyfriend, I prefer girls", or even just drop hints like "that actor is really sexy". It's all up to you. At some point, you are going to get questions, if you choose the more indirect route, and you can decide to answer them.
• In some families and social circles, being gay or bi is absolutely no big deal, and announcing that you were straight would have been no different. In others, there may be shock or an adjustment period. If this is your people, try to give them time to get used to the idea. In yet others, you're suddenly seen as sinful and rejected completely. That really sucks. Please realize this is not your fault. Seeking support from LGBTQ organizations may help you, especially if your parents believe you need to "straighten out" and want you to attend conversion therapy.

Where Do I Meet People?

How do you meet other young queer or bi people, now that you have realized your sexual and romantic orientation and are ready to start dating? "Anywhere" is maybe too simple an answer, but it's also true. You could also join local forums or Facebook groups for queer folks, join a support group, go to local pride events, or seek out LGBTQ bars (when you're a little older). Really. People you might like to date will show up in your life, and yes, you will find out whether they're also queer!