What To Really Expect From Postpartum Sex

Remember when you were wondering what it would be like to lose your virginity? You were probably excited and scared at the same time, because you weren't sure what to expect. Resuming sexual relations after having a baby isn't completely unlike that very first time. You have no idea what it will be like, and have plenty of awkward questions you might be embarrassed to ask. 

As a mom of two and a woman who previously wondered whether sex would still be OK after giving birth, I have been through this before — and I'll be your guide for today.

When Can You Do It?

"Do you think it's safe to do it?" a close friend texted me when she was two weeks postpartum. We share pretty much everything, but that message came as a bit of a surprise to me. At that point, most new moms are exhausted, have episiotomy wounds, vaginal tears or c-section incisions, don't have time to even think about sex, and are still in the middle of lochia. Then, there are those postpartum hormones that can interfere with your libido. 

If you are like my friend and you can't wait to resume sex after giving birth, that's great! It's also possible that you're not even interested in finding out when you can do the deed again — and that's fine too.

Lochia, that pesky postpartum bleeding that some women call the "mother of all periods", goes on for four to six weeks. When your baby's placenta detaches, that leaves a large spot in your uterus that's vulnerable to infections. The bleeding and pain are one reason to wait a while, but the potential risk of infection is another powerful factor. The six-week postpartum visit conveniently coincides with the end of lochia for many women. 

See Also: Overcoming Postpartum Period and Its Difficulties

Waiting until your OBGYN gives you a thorough physical examinations — and sometimes an ultrasound to see what is going on inside your uterus — will give you peace of mind. Once your doctor says you can safely do it, you don't need to worry.  

Do take it slow and make sure to stop if anything hurts. New moms who experience persistent pain or discomfort during sex should always get that checked out, especially if they had any kind of stitches after they gave birth. Keep in mind that your discomfort can also be caused by stress, though, and try to relax. If things don't go according to plan one day, simply give up and try again another day. You'll get there eventually. 

Postpartum Sex: What It's Really Like

What Will It Feel Like?

Spoiler alert: Not everyone will tell you these things, and though you'll find out by yourself, you may not want to know now if you are still pregnant with your first.

Here is the scary part. Those who do resume relations pretty soon after the baby was born may well encounter some discomfort. Your vulva may generally still be sore from childbirth, and your vagina may be a bit different. It was stretched quite a bit if you gave birth vaginally, after all, and your body will need time to heal. If you had an episiotomy, the opening may be tighter than before and if you tore naturally and didn't receive stitches, results may be unexpected. Think little "flaps". 

Women who had a c-section may expect pain around the incision. Surprisingly, some experience uncomfortable sensations in the vagina when they attempt to have intercourse as well. Some postpartum women also experience vaginal dryness, and may require additional lubrication. 

Besides the rather large potential that your baby will wake up and cry while you are in the middle of things, you may also experience milk spontaneously leaking (no, shooting!) when you are aroused. You may feel unhappy with your postpartum body and could worry that your partner feels the same. 

Now for the good news. None of this needs to freak you out, as it is completely normal. The vagina has the capacity to heal amazingly quickly. You can do Kegel exercises to tighten your pelvic floor muscles, which will help prevent urinary incontinence and improve your sex life.

Tips For New Parents

What if your libido has completely left the building? You can blame hormones and physical exhaustion, but don't forget that your libido is more likely to make a comeback if you feel good about yourself and your relationship. Your new baby might be the number one priority, but don't forget to make time to be a couple as well. 

Things like enjoying a nice romantic meal together, snuggling up on the couch, talking about things other than how many diapers you changed today, and offering your partner a relaxing massage will all help. When you connect through good conversation and sensual touch, your sex life will soon be back on track as well!

Men have a large part to play in this. Guys, don't make insensitive comments about your other half's postpartum body — remember that her body nurtured your baby, and that it can take as long as pregnancy itself for the body to return to normal. See your partner for the beautiful woman she is, because she has enough insecurities about it all on her own. 

See Also: Postpartum Problems Every Mom Should Know About

Breastfeeding mothers may have lactational amenhorrea (lack of periods) for a long time, but you never know when that first ovulation will turn up. It often happens before the first postpartum period, so you probably don't want to use this as a "birth control method". That postpartum checkup is a great time to talk about contraception.