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hi my girlfriend had an abortion about one week ago i love her dearly and was very sad that we had 2 go through with it but as we are only 17 i feel we are 2 young to look after a child days later she is very arguementative with her family who do not know about it and myself she seems a completely different person and is constantly threatening to end the relationship which i do not want ..i understand she's going to be very emotionally distressed but i do not know what 2 do because she doesnt talk 2 me at all after this ....please help me ladies :-) thanx xx

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Hi Karlos89,



Sounds like she is pretty distressed. That is pretty normal reaction to what she just went through. It sounds to me like she is going through some grieving from the loss of life, possibly some guilt and depression. Having an abortion elicits these things in women.



In my humble opinion, I would go WITH her to someone who can counsel for post abortion issues. There are pregnancy centers that offer post abortion counseling. I used to be a counselor until I moved to California. Try as best you can to understand, if her parents do not know, she is probably pretty upset about alot of things.



You mentioned that she doesnt "seem like herself"....well, she isnt really herself. Although Post Abortion Syndrome is technically not medically "recognized", I do believe it is a very real thing. I have the opinion that alot of women dont report the side effects or go for help because some perhaps feel embarassed about having the procedure done. Maybe you both should discuss talking to her parents about it.



Suggestion....do some research on Post Abortion Syndrome...sometimes in the relative area of Post Traumatic Stress. I am not a doctor, but I have had a bit of counseling (Lay counseling) with ladies who have been torn by this. I have seen that it causes alot of possible "aggrivated" behaviour. I know you stated you dont understand her changes.



When I say "aggrivated", I mean just really easily "touched off" by things. Does she have a close relationship with her parents at all? Try to be as supportive as you can. What future plans do you guys "dream" about for your relationship? Please try to understand that there might be times when you dont understand her being "touched off". It might even have a possibility to anger her at sexual advances.



From what I gather from your post, you see the changes in your girlfriend, and I am assuming they must be pretty drastic or you might not have posted for answers. This can be a very real thing that a licensed psychologist or therapist may need to intervene.



We were never intended, in my humble opinion to have to face this kind of "damage". Like I said, you are seeing directly the changes and issues with your loved one. Respectfully to you... think VERY carefully about having sex again until you guys have your "vows". Just an opinion, not a judgement. Blessings to you.



Hizgrace
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thank you very much for that ....that is exactly what it is it's like everything annoys her she gets very aggitated by the littlest of things i completely understand why but im just a little scared but i will definately sort out some counselling thank you again :-)
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If I had the answer to your question about what you would do I promise it would be right on here but I just went through the same thing with my girl friend and saddly even though we both still love each other she chose to end it because after she decided to have it she just wasn't the same and she even would admit to that fact, but after trying to give her time it still only ended in heartbreak for both of us just remember that time heals and that just because you might not be able to be with her now dosen't mean that those feelings woln't still be there in the future as unfortunate as it is that you can't go back and change the past to right your mistakes you have to move on and try to let your feelings as strong as they may be go if I could go back I would still have my baby on the way and my girlfriend to help me raise it but now I've lost them both and although I could have taken care of the baby and her I was stupid for letting that fear guide my judgment on the situation and not pushing to keep the baby but as they say hind sight is 20/20 and as sad as this has been for me I did learn a very valuable leason and will hopefully be able to share my experience and knowledge with other people going through or about to go through what I have to keep them from making a mistake they will live to regret
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hey dude, im the same age as you now and my girlfriends 18, we recently discovered she was pregnant and wednesday is gunna tell us how many weeks gone she is, tbh im about as scared as you are, i dunno how shes gunna be around me but you know im gunna be there for her, make her a bit of tea (or if your american i guess thats dinner?) and just like sit with her talk to her watch a film - just generally take her mind off it, i actually look after my disabled auntie because my mum left me for some dude so i think i can deal with her being a bit poorly for a while, i just needed to get this out my system and i dont really care if no-one reads this i got it out, Oh by the way dude, i really dont agree with all the "baby killer" statements.. these people must not think that people go on these sites to hopefully calm them down, not to be called baby killers. to me something that doesnt have fingernails, eyes a nose a voice a personality - lets face it thats barely a kid, take how many kids kill frogs a day or ants even?... you dont see petitions against "ant killers" do you, f**k them, people going through abortion are very scared, emotional people, and to make that worse makes you a sick person, people kill people every day and yet we've only recently been introduced to knife crime!?! what the f**k?... anyway, my girlfreinds mum has no idea we're even going out..(we're actually engaged). *and dont judge me whoever may be reading this, her mum is a freaking dragon man, she beats her, shes locked her outside in just her underwear in the snow, she rings up her college everyday to make sure shes there shes the definition of a b***h* so my girlfreind is really really sh**ting herself, obviously im putting on a brave face to make her feel like its all gunna be alright, then she tells me about medical and surgical... now at this point im like o.O? im obviously telling her everythings alright but i dont know that... well i do but... things play on your mind dont they?.. anyway i dont really do blogs and stuff but i thought i might just show you that not everyone is against what you did or are doing.. i completely agree with your desicion and i respect you for posting asking for help regardless of all the negative comments, just one dude to another in exactly the same position letting you know you did the right thing and your not alone,

Best of luck to you and your girlfreind. And i hope in the future you do have beautiful children and are so happy with one another 

Cal. 
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