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My gf had to get a surgical abortion last December due to extreme health risks to her safety and life, (she has a heart condition). We did not plan this child, but because we had to take responsibility, we came to love the unborn son I was going to have. She was 5 months pregnant when the doctor gave her an abortion order. She has not been ok ever since, and neither have I since it would've been our first baby. She enters into panic when I leave the room momentarily, and sobs uncontrollably for no reason. I think the trauma of what happened affected her physcologically. Recently she was doing fine until 2 days ago. She suddenly told me she wanted to have a baby. I was kinda shocked by this and thought nothing of it but its gotten worse. She almost begs me that if we can have a baby. Shes doing much better healthy wise, but I honestly don't think shes mentally ready for this. Its gotten to the point that she tried to slip off my condom during sex. I love her very much and I'm extremely worried. Is this a sort of trauma? Why does she suddenly want a baby after all these months of fear and isolation? I wouldn't mind having a baby, in fact I'd be thrilled! But were only 20 years old and I know I can't take care of our baby and her, seeing how delicate she is. Can anyone help?


I am so sorry for the suffering you have both endured, the loss of your child and the ongoing pain.

Websites to look at for help: or Elliot institute - 
Abortion Grief Australia Inc - the publications The Silent Suffering and Men and Abortion Trauma may help understand the complexities of this trauma better.

Therapies in this area are relatively new - Rachel's Vineyard (weekend retreat therapy) is worth looking into or the Hope Alive group therapy. Most professionals are not trained to deal with abortion trauma/grief and often aggravate the suffering. The Healing publications on the Australian site has some suggestions about seeking professional help. 

The driving need to replace the pregnancy is an attempt at self therapy, very common. I would think you are just past the due-date-of-birth - a very difficult time for your girlfriend. Abortion trauma/grief is at present understood to be a type of post traumatic stress disorder. Anniversary times of when the baby was due and the abortion date, are times you will need to be very aware of.

It takes love and courage to work through the pain you are both suffering, which you clearly have. There is healing, be patient with each other.