So I’ve been on birth control pills (Ortho tri-cyclen and Lo) for about 2 years. When I was on the the first one I felt like a hormonal mess. I was moody, crying over everything and anything, I had a bf at the time so I was always questioning him of our relationship, I was very controlling and that’s what led to the point of our breakup. So I felt even worse after the breakup, but then later on I decided to give up on my pills and start a new life you can say. So after I stopped it, I felt fine mentally! Physically, I had the WORSE cramps, nausea, and dizziness. But eventually, I started to get better! Then 6 months later, my bf and I got back together and I decided to go back on the pills but a different kind so my gp suggested Ortho Lo. When I got on it the first week I had slight cramps here and there, then eventually after the whole pack I felt completely fine! But I noticed a lot of my body changing, I gained A LOT of weight, I would eat everything it felt uncontrollable, I never wanted to have sex with my bf because it would hurt every time and I never felt in the mood to, tender breasts, I would have mood swings but not as bad as the first bc’s I took. I think what really changed me was my weight gain!! Then after 4 months I felt fine, then that was when the 5th month hit me and my life has changed COMPLETELY! Starting at my last 3rd pack going to the placebo pills, I started getting anxiety but not just a mild one, a full blown on attack!! My heart just wouldn’t stop pounding, and the crazy thing is I had no reason to be having an attack, then my mind started racing and I started over thinking about my life and how it is. I felt like a big rock was on top of me and I was stuck. My life felt so unreal. I didn’t want to talk to anyone not even my bf could help. I felt so attacked with my mind. While I was struggling, I decided to stop my pills completely after my period, so I did. Let me to you guys, nothing changed after that. I still felt like absolute c**p. physically and mentally!! But even worse, my anxiety kept happening especially at work and school. I think the only time I really am relaxed or have relief is getting off of work knowing I’m going back home. Then my depressive thoughts started happening... this had to be worse and with anxiety combined it is dreadful. So now, it’s been over a month and a half now without my pills, my depression and anxiety has been with me still. What’s even worse is that I feel like my life has no meaning and I don’t feel like my life is taking me anywhere, what scares me even more is that I have this suicidal ideation to prepare for which in reality I wouldn’t do and there’s no reason for me to do it!! But it still pops out in my head like what if it’s my last day here? It’s a scary scary thought!! And I hate myself so much for it because I know this isn’t ME!!! I have no reason for it, I have a mom, supporting grandparents, a sister, even my bf, I go to college and I work. Like what’s there more to it? I feel like my whole life is unreal... and I blame the pills for it. I just want to know if anyone is experiencing this like me? Or has. I just want some reassurance that things will get better!
You are not alone! Check this post: https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/feeling-depressed-after-stopping-the-birth-control-pills?p=1901375#1901375
It is still active in case you’d like to talk to people going through the same thing!