ieverything use to be fine till my dad left. my mom and i were close, we use to talk all the time and go shopping and stuff. same with my dad, i was his angel. and then he just left one day and no one knows why.i haven't heard from him since, he doesn't even call me on my birthday, it sucks! my mom even tried to find him. i don't get it i really don't. and then everything just fell apart. and now i'm falling apart. sometimes i think i'm dreaming, but everyday its the same. i really don't want to wake up anymore. i don't get why he doesn't want me. and now my mom is leaving me too. i don't get what i did.
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so my mom was leaving and i asked her where she was going and of course shes going to her boyfriends. i asked her if there was a day she was ever going to just be home and she got mad at me and i said how shes never home anymore and she got mad at me and she just left. all she does is get mad and says how its not true when it is. she thinks coming home after work to change and go back out is being home. i can't take it anymore. i cant do it anymore. im scared of myself
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So what is her excuse again? Or does she just throw a fit so everyone backs off? I have a thought about your dad! Ask your mom where he was from and what his birth date is etc. Or ask to see your birth certificate, it will show your dads full name, birthdate and where he was from! More than likely he is around the same place he came from! It is usual that after leaving somewhere - to get their head straight, to continue doing hurtful things etc. Then they FINALLY come home!
YOU did NOTHING wrong honey! Grownups do STRANGE things - and sometimes parents leave because they think that their child/family will be better off without them! There have been MANY times, I have felt like getting on a bus and just dissapearing and IF your dad felt this way too, then he did it thinking it was for the best! IF your mom has a cell phone, call her up and say "Where was dad born, when and what is his full name?" when she asks "why" just say "i'm going to try and find him"
You know what honey? IF you want I can write a letter to her - on a PM and you can print it out and give it to her! I think somethings pointed out - by a complete stranger, might be the wakeup call she needs!
What time does she get home usually? Also does she ever hit you - if she gets too mad?
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she thinks im over reacting and thinks i can take care of myself and i can but still. and says how i cant tell her what to do and how shes the parent and stuff. and she just gets mad at me all the time. she doesn't get it and she doesnt care and she has no idea of what i do or whats happened. and she thinks i should just get over my dad leaving and i cant. i know my dads first and last name and his birthday. but you think he will come back?
i dont know. shes going to think im stupid and being a baby to go cry to someone
sometimes she doesnt come home and sometimes she comes home late. so half the time i just go out all night. not really, a few times but no not really.
i dont know. shes going to think im stupid and being a baby to go cry to someone
sometimes she doesnt come home and sometimes she comes home late. so half the time i just go out all night. not really, a few times but no not really.
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WOW! You know what honey, I try to put in "what if's" to try and excuse them or to make it seem a bit more understandable! BUT sometimes there are "parents" out there who are TOTALLY selfish!
A very dear friend of mine became a widow at 35 years old, her husband had died from a heart attack, and she had his 2 children, 1 son from another relationship, and 1 daughter between them! So when her husband died, her daughter was 12! Well he died in November and by December she had hit virtually every bar and found a guy! Well he became her world, and she left her daughter with anyone and everyone! Now my friend was THE mom before - home cooked meals, fun times, lots of love, one on one time etc. Then her world caved in, and she has never been the same! I have been friends with her since we were 13 and love her! BUT how she has neglected her daughter ALL of us don't get! She now lives with a VERY wealthy man - who doesn't really care for her daughter (because she is overweight) so this has put a HUGE rift between daughter and mother!And my friend doesEVERYTHING this guy tells her to do - including being SO skinny it's ridiculous!
So I wonder if your mom IS my friend - as in doing the same! Your dad left 2 years ago, and ALL of this - the boyfriend, the move etc. was all to stop the hurt of yoru dad leaving! What do you think about that? That she was SO hurt, she's not thinking about her child that is hurting too!
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Yeah that kind of sounds like my mom. My aunt thought the move was a good thing and that we needed a fresh start and to move on. But I already lost my dad, I don't need to loose my friends and my family and my mom and my home to. I don't want to be here. I hate it here. And I don't know what to do anymore.
When you said you thought of leaving your family, why did you want to? Don't ever do it ok?
I just hate being alone and I hate everyone not wanting me. And all I do is be alone and think about hurting myself or ways to kill myself or about running away or going down the street to get drunk. That's all I do everyday and I can't take it anymore.
When you said you thought of leaving your family, why did you want to? Don't ever do it ok?
I just hate being alone and I hate everyone not wanting me. And all I do is be alone and think about hurting myself or ways to kill myself or about running away or going down the street to get drunk. That's all I do everyday and I can't take it anymore.
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I'm 46 years old honey, and all I know is that we ALL have times of feeling unloved and unwanted! And I can tell that you are a lovely young girl - and without the pain your mom is in, she wants you honey believe me! Have you ever heard the expression "Can't see the forest for the trees?" This also pertains to pain and relationships! Your mom can't see you for ALL the painful "trees" in her way! I know that is TOTALLY unfair and unkind from your side of things and your needs! BUT the mind and body are VERY strong! And since your mom's heart has hurt SO much, the brain has shut out ALL other things, and if anything brings her even the slightest bit of enjoyment it is almost like the brain tells her to keep on doing it! Kind of like an addict! They hold on to the "good feelings" while they are slowly going down the drain!
What I want you to think is how was your mom and you before your dad left? How was it RIGHT after he left? And when you think about it, when did your mom become so distant?
The first question IS your mom - as she was and should be - and if that was good this is EXACTLY how her inner self feels about you honey! She wants you - she just can't also feel like a failure as a mother, while she felt and still feels like a failure as a wife! Does that make sense? So seeing you makes her realize that she IS hurting you, and "HOW" could she do this!?
It is our animal instinct - of a mother bear protecting her young - that she is fighting against also! She is dealing with being alone and then ending up not being a "natural" at mothering you! That's a LOT of guilt to hold onto - and thus the reason why she is leaving so much! This has really NOTHING to do with yourself, it is her feeling inadequate!
How about this - doing like an intervention - writing down each day how much she is at home etc. Then when you have sufficient proof (times and length etc) one day when she comes home, have her sit down, and you read to her how you have felt and just how much time she has spent home! And how YOU feel about her leaving you, and the move etc. Also about you understanding her need to find happiness! etc. BUT what about you?
Also I dare say your mom is NOT happy! Even with the guy does it sound like fake laughter or if you see them together, do you notice your mom just kind of sitting there! Or you think she is in a play - and doing a pretty lousy job of acting?
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Before my dad left we were really close! We use to do a lot together and talk all the time about everything. And then when he left, it was just hard. She was still there for me though, we were still close, maybe not as close but we still were. And then like a few months after, after realizing he probably wasn't going to come back it started to be like it is now. Things started to get worse. And then we were like fighting all the time.
Sometimes I think she's happy with him, and then sometimes not so much. So its kind of hard to tell.
I just wish things would go back to the way it use to be.
Sometimes I think she's happy with him, and then sometimes not so much. So its kind of hard to tell.
I just wish things would go back to the way it use to be.
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Of course you do honey! And I am sure your mom feels the same way! Since things were normal and nice before, believe me she REALLY misses it too! I equate a break up like a jigsaw puzzle, before the picture was complete and when someone (of great importance) leaves the entire puzzle shattered and the picture is broken! and then there is a panic to try and put the pieces back together as quickly as possible! BUT without that one piece it will NEVER be the same! Then you have to go through the steps of grieving! And your mom AND yourself are STUCK- her with guilt and sadness and you with sadness and what if? There are several theories about how many stages, 5, 7, 10 Below are what I believe are closer to the actual theory!
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders.Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
I know this is a lot of stuff to read, but I think you will have a better understanding of how you feel and your mom! And she needs to know that you DO understand! So read through these and see if you agree etc. I really do think you need to sit down and talk to her - one on one - and IF she tries to leave, then stand in the way and say "I NEED to talk to you, and I NEED you to listen to me! And if you aren't comfortable with that, then write her a letter from the heart, and put it on her pillow! Let her know just how sad you are that your dad's not here AND she is escaping ALL the time! And everyone said the move was good for HER but it has been the worst for you! And it's NOT fair, that she leaves you alone! IF it is from the heart and not confrontational, then she is more likely to listen! I truly think she just can't take 1 more thing,BUT she also needs to be attentive to you - IF she can do it for her boyfriend then she can do it for you!
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Hi, I hope you don't mind me coming in, but I read your story, and a lot of how you feel, I felt and feel too.
I'm 17, and I totally know what its like to feel unloved and not wanted and completely alone. And it sucks and its hard! But the good thing is, it doesn't have to be that way.
I don't have the greatest relationship with my parents, and I struggle with them everyday. And they too, don't have a clue as to whats gone on, or how I feel. And a lot of what they were doing was hurting me a lot, kind of like your mom too. And although it may be hard, or you feel like your mom won't care or understand, you should really talk to her, and just let her know how bad you feel. I did, I talked to them sometimes during dinner, It took a lot to point out to them just how much they do hurt me and to tell them what I need from them and to let them know just how bad I feel. Its still an ongoing process, but some change for the better has been made out of it. And I realized, that maybe my mom does love me, she just has an odd way of showing it, or a hard time showing it. And were working on it. But you do deserve to feel better and to be happy and feel loved. You just have to stand up for yourself, because your moms not going to know unless you tell her right? She may and should know to some degree, but she might not be aware of just how bad it is for you! And like bambi27 said, if you don't feel like you can talk to her, or find the time too, then write her a letter. And then on her own time, she can read it. Sometimes it might be easier, to take time to think and write it all out, then to talk face to face. And then maybe you can talk about it together after.
With school, I don't know of anyone who really does like school lol And I totally know what you mean about hating those who are fake and stuck up. But thankfully school is almost done and summer is almost here! And your in Grade 8 right now, so when your done, you won't have to go back to that school! High School is completely different, and believe me, you will make friends! I know its not the same, and I can't even imagine having to change schools, but in High School you sometimes loose some friends and gain some more. My closest friend moved away last August. And we still talk all the time on Facebook and stuff, and she still is and will always be my friend. I know its not the same though. But, with summer coming, I wonder if you can go visit some of your friends for the summer and just stay with them? Or have them to come and stay with you too for a bit?
But, just like I'm finding out, it really isn't about you, with all that's gone on. Your just kind of suffering the consequences of your parents actions. Unfortunately it happens, and it sucks! And makes you feel the way you do. But none of whats gone on is because of you, you really did do nothing wrong! So try not to blame yourself okay? Been there and done that, not the best thing to do. And you are here for a reason, and you are wanted and cared about. You just need to stand up for yourself, and know that you deserve to be loved and cared about and respected. And if you start to, then others will too! So, try not to cut, its incredibley hard to fight once you start, but it is possible with time. Sometimes when I feel like cutting I write, or listen to music, or be with my dog :$ or if you have something to squease in your hands really tight, sometimes helps too, or coming on here to talk is awesome! And a great thing bambi27 told me about, to help with your scars, is Bio Oil! It really does work great, I can barley notice some of mine!
And I'm so sorry you lost your dad! I wonder if there's anyone back in your home town you can get a hold of to get some answers. Does he have any family you still keep in contact with? Have you ever gone to the Police about it? I'm sure you've already tried all that. But my hope for you, is that you begin to find answers, and as you get older become more at ease and mend your heart. Have you and your mom ever talked about it before? I wonder if there's something you can do to remember him by? Kind of like a scrapbook or something? But, like bambi27 said, he will be able to find you when hes ready, so don't worry okay?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, that your too not alone in how you feel! And I'm here with bambi27 if you ever want to talk! Take care of you! And try talking with your mom! Whats the wrost that can happen? I think its worth a shot! Good luck and take care!
I'm 17, and I totally know what its like to feel unloved and not wanted and completely alone. And it sucks and its hard! But the good thing is, it doesn't have to be that way.
I don't have the greatest relationship with my parents, and I struggle with them everyday. And they too, don't have a clue as to whats gone on, or how I feel. And a lot of what they were doing was hurting me a lot, kind of like your mom too. And although it may be hard, or you feel like your mom won't care or understand, you should really talk to her, and just let her know how bad you feel. I did, I talked to them sometimes during dinner, It took a lot to point out to them just how much they do hurt me and to tell them what I need from them and to let them know just how bad I feel. Its still an ongoing process, but some change for the better has been made out of it. And I realized, that maybe my mom does love me, she just has an odd way of showing it, or a hard time showing it. And were working on it. But you do deserve to feel better and to be happy and feel loved. You just have to stand up for yourself, because your moms not going to know unless you tell her right? She may and should know to some degree, but she might not be aware of just how bad it is for you! And like bambi27 said, if you don't feel like you can talk to her, or find the time too, then write her a letter. And then on her own time, she can read it. Sometimes it might be easier, to take time to think and write it all out, then to talk face to face. And then maybe you can talk about it together after.
With school, I don't know of anyone who really does like school lol And I totally know what you mean about hating those who are fake and stuck up. But thankfully school is almost done and summer is almost here! And your in Grade 8 right now, so when your done, you won't have to go back to that school! High School is completely different, and believe me, you will make friends! I know its not the same, and I can't even imagine having to change schools, but in High School you sometimes loose some friends and gain some more. My closest friend moved away last August. And we still talk all the time on Facebook and stuff, and she still is and will always be my friend. I know its not the same though. But, with summer coming, I wonder if you can go visit some of your friends for the summer and just stay with them? Or have them to come and stay with you too for a bit?
But, just like I'm finding out, it really isn't about you, with all that's gone on. Your just kind of suffering the consequences of your parents actions. Unfortunately it happens, and it sucks! And makes you feel the way you do. But none of whats gone on is because of you, you really did do nothing wrong! So try not to blame yourself okay? Been there and done that, not the best thing to do. And you are here for a reason, and you are wanted and cared about. You just need to stand up for yourself, and know that you deserve to be loved and cared about and respected. And if you start to, then others will too! So, try not to cut, its incredibley hard to fight once you start, but it is possible with time. Sometimes when I feel like cutting I write, or listen to music, or be with my dog :$ or if you have something to squease in your hands really tight, sometimes helps too, or coming on here to talk is awesome! And a great thing bambi27 told me about, to help with your scars, is Bio Oil! It really does work great, I can barley notice some of mine!
And I'm so sorry you lost your dad! I wonder if there's anyone back in your home town you can get a hold of to get some answers. Does he have any family you still keep in contact with? Have you ever gone to the Police about it? I'm sure you've already tried all that. But my hope for you, is that you begin to find answers, and as you get older become more at ease and mend your heart. Have you and your mom ever talked about it before? I wonder if there's something you can do to remember him by? Kind of like a scrapbook or something? But, like bambi27 said, he will be able to find you when hes ready, so don't worry okay?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, that your too not alone in how you feel! And I'm here with bambi27 if you ever want to talk! Take care of you! And try talking with your mom! Whats the wrost that can happen? I think its worth a shot! Good luck and take care!
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I'm ok I guess its just hard to talk about sometimes. I don't know what to do. I just want to know why he left and where he is and if hes ok. I just miss him and I'm really mad at him.
I guess school will be done soon and I hope I can be with my friends again. But I won't know anyone going into high school at all. What if my mom doesn't want to move back? What if she won't?
And if its not about me, then why would he leave me? My mom leaves me because I'm never happy anymore. She doesn't want me anymore. I know she wishes I wasn't here so she can just be with her boyfriend. He probably wants that too.
And Claire16 how do you hide your scars in the summer? What do you do? And whats Bio Oil? Where do you get it?
And no my dads parents passed away a few years ago now. I only met my grandma when I was little. I don't think my mom told the Police. But can you? What will they do? And my mom doesn't really like to talk about it.
But thanks.
I guess school will be done soon and I hope I can be with my friends again. But I won't know anyone going into high school at all. What if my mom doesn't want to move back? What if she won't?
And if its not about me, then why would he leave me? My mom leaves me because I'm never happy anymore. She doesn't want me anymore. I know she wishes I wasn't here so she can just be with her boyfriend. He probably wants that too.
And Claire16 how do you hide your scars in the summer? What do you do? And whats Bio Oil? Where do you get it?
And no my dads parents passed away a few years ago now. I only met my grandma when I was little. I don't think my mom told the Police. But can you? What will they do? And my mom doesn't really like to talk about it.
But thanks.
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Hi honey! I was getting SO worried about you! I'll answer the small stuff 1st! Bio Oil is in the moisturizer aisle - drug store, grocery store (health and beauty) it IS the best thing for scars! I had 2 major surgeries on my face and you can barely tell!
When I grown up does something it is NEVER about the child - sometimes it's for them! Which doesn't make sense to you now, but might in the future! Men are less able - or think they are less able - to take care of young girls! It is awkward for them - BUT that doesn't excuse your dad just leaving like that - with no word from him! You should sit her down and say "why and how did dad leave?" and "Did you call the police when he went missing for a few days?" and - to put your mind at ease - I want you to say the ENTIRE 3rd paragraph to her - "and if it's not about me, then why would he leave........" He didNOT leave you honey, he left for multiple reasons - which none of them are your fault! Tell you mom just HOW much you miss your dad, and with her being gone ALL the time - perhaps it's best if we find my dad, and I can go and live with him!" Put it on the line1 ALL of it!IF she tries to run away say "SEE MOM! SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH? AND IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW I WILL FIND OUT WHERE DAD IS AND MOVE IN WITH HIM!"
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Hi sorry I know your trying to help and thanks but really don't worry about it ok. I'll be fine honest so don't worry about me ok. I don't know why I even came on here, its stupid and I'm fine but thanks though.
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Honey don't do that! I DO worry about you! Because I WAS you, and I want you to talk about ANYTHING with me! When I was growing up everyone just automatically knew what was going on with me, and the comfort in them not asking questions or me not having to say anything if I turned up at someones house at midnight and stayed the night etc. BUT If we had this when I was going through all of that I would have been you honey! And there is NOTHING that I haven't heard or experiences myself! So I want to be your talk back diary! LOL I want to say what I wish that someone had said to me! I don't want you to close off and suffer in silence it's NOT good for you honey! So don't shut me out OK?BIG HUGS!
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