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Hello all,

Im 19 going on 20, I have a pretty good job, saving up to go to school and to get a car, I have a loving boyfriend, and family that cares about me. But my mom cares just a little too much. She has had a really bad past and she is trying for my brother and I to not experience it too. But in doing so she is sheltering Steven (brother) and I from everyone like our friends and even my boyfriend of one year. This has been going on for years since mom divorced dad long ago. She is not healthy mentally wise and physically and is unemployed for 2 years now because of the ressession. I have been paying the bulk of the bills at home now trying to help my mom cause I love her, but she won't allow me to go do I i want, which is to be with friends. I recently informed her that I wish to spend the night at my bf's home to save him gas money because his job situation is tight and he's the only one between us that has a car (that he borrows btw from his room mate so technically he isn't supposed to be driving it) Im just wondering, is there something up with me to where im being over rebellious and demanding to go over to my bf's house as I please because Im basically paying my mom rent so im financially capable of living on my own or is it normal for mom to be so overprotective. My bf thinks i need to move out because he sees how upset she makes me (point to where I cry) and him and my friends say that its strange im even still living with my mom because of the situation. So I i have a right to go and live or I i still bow to my mom till I get my own place?

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Well Nani, mom's house, mom's rule's but.........you are an adult and are capable of making adult decision's. Mom has no right to tell you that you can't or can do something, but you still have to respect her because you live under her roof, even tho you pay a large portion of the bill's. I could see it if you were a rotten kid and did stuff to piss her off, but it doesn't sound like that at all. You don't have to bow to her, just be respectful. If you want to spend the nite at your bf's house, you are old enough to be able to do that without your mon interviening and telling you that you can't. Just tell her, with respect of course, mom, i love you but i have decided to spend the nite with.... I will see you tomorrow, call me if you need anything, bye, see ya. Then go, enjoy yourself and don't worry about mom, she is much stronger than you think and it sound's like she is toying with your emotion's a little bit.

Move out and find your own way, you are old enough and it sound's like it would be much healthier for you in the long run. Mom can find a job, someplace. My husband left me with 5 young kid's, i ran an ad in the paper for house cleaning and wound up with a nice tidy little income, i did this for 7 year's, until my back gave out. There is work out there for anyone, it's just that people are so picky these day's that they would rather sponge off someone rather than to take a demeaning job, like cleaning someone's c**p toilet's. It worked for me. I would bring home 400.00 buck's a week and that didn't include Friday's, as i did not want to work on a friday. I had 2 job's a day, 8 houses a week. Don't let her make you feel guilty.

Make it clear to mom that you are an adult and that you wish to do the thing's that an adult does. Remind her of how much you love her and that you just need to get out there and do what people your age does. She won't throw you out, your her meal ticket. Please don't think i am being a jerk here, but it is what it is. Mom need's to help herself and get back into the swing of thing's. You now begin to make a life for yourself. Life is so short, don't spend it babysitting for your mom, really.

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