I decided to write a post today in hopes that I will find some comfort in what I'm going through. I have been an alcoholic for all of my adult life, but in the past 10 years, have had many periods of abstinence, only to fall off the wagon again very hard.
I had 7 months, then relapsed. Coming off a strong bender. About 8 days ago, I was so bored and lonely, I decide to get some dinner alone at a new restaurant. I ended up ordering a beer just because I felt entitled... that one beer put me on a mad bender in which I was drinking all day / night for a number of days. I was engaging in terrible behavior, blowing money I didn't have, etc...
Yesterday I woke up at 7am and quickly had a beer. I decided to taper for a few hours, and then stopped. Almost immediately I was crawling out of my skin, had crippling anxiety and paranoia. I was afraid to even go outside and walk my dog thinking of all the guilt.
I started drinking a lot of water, and got on some online chat rooms for addiction. this helped a little bit, but the anxiety was horrible. I think got in a steaming hot shower and turned the water so hot, I just sat away from the stream on my butt and tried sweating / detoxing faster. This did seem to help, but I still couldn't relax.
So, it's been almost exactly 24 hours since my last beer. Last night I could barely sleep and had horrible dreams / visions. Dreams of dogs chasing me, monsters, death, isolation, confusion. I would "jolt" away about every 25 mins and look at my clock to see how much sleep I got.
Anyway, that's what I have to say. I'm going to continue to rest today. Thanks for listening.
BB
welcome to my world!! hope u feel better soon//