I have recently been bothered with the fact that my BF of 9 years seems to have lost physical interest in me.
We have had a relatively average sexual relationship. At times it's routine, and then other times it's very exciting and satisfying. But I've noticed in the last several months that the affection has been less frequent. The "goodbye kiss" is always there, but there isn't any bum pinching, or when I am naked in the room with him, there are no "oooh, boobies" comments, or side glances. Sex has been very one sided (I give frequent oral sex), but the act of sex is rare, and the times I get to have a little fun is maybe once a month, when I am vocal about wanting it (although I have been disappointed the last few times I have been in the mood, and received no lovin' whatsoever). He no longer initiates anything really. The morning "jab" has stopped, there's no groping.. Just.. nothing.
I have been open about my concerns, and we talked about it. I was told that there wasn't any reason to be alarmed, and that he was tired all the time (understandable, as his job is laborious and he's up at an ungodly hour in the mornings). He had mentioned that he was a little bored at times as well, but I think that's bound to happen after 9 years? I did a few things to try to keep our bedroom life interesting. We are as open as I think two people can be, so if there was someone else involved, then the other half has to know and be willing and open to that situation (not something we've done quite yet). There's no cheating going on.
But then I got snoopy. I try not to do this, as it usually ends in me overthinking things, but going through a long list of internet history has given me a little insight. I have found that he watches porn regularly, and I would assume pleasures himself to it, and the weird thing is it's VERY often just before I'm off work.
On top of that, recently it's been times when I'm physically in the house. Maybe cooking dinner? Or in the shower?? It's not when I'm around him, because I sure don't see him whacking it. But the porn is in the history, a 15 minute stretch at a time. Why not with me?? I'm right here!
I'm starting to get a little sad about it. Physically, I haven't changed much (could be thinner, but that's never been something I've been made to feel bad about by him) and I've even changed my hair color on request, thinking that might help things. When it was voiced that me not being on birth control was an issue, I went back on it. Three months ago. I think we've had sex twice in that span.
How do others in a long term monogamous relationship relate?? I don't have the mindset of a man obviously, so am I overthinking this?? Is there a deeper underlying issue that isn't being brought to light??
Ugh, I'm just frustrated.. Any thoughts would be so appreciated.