I have gone between two different eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) and was finally diagnosed with EDNOS--eating disorder not otherwise specified due to my purging-type anorexia. I was very secretive about it because it's a hard thing to admit to yourself, let alone someone else.
I don't weigh myself, stay away from my known triggers, and quit my self-injurous behaviors.
Now my depression is getting worse and my anxiety is making me lose my appetite more often than not and i'm forgetting to eat because of it. I'm only scared because even though i'm not deciding to NOT eat on purpose, my body/mind seem to be remembering the good parts about the control I had, the ability to survive on minimal sleep, and how easy it was just to give in to the disorders. I go to therapy, I've even been in the hospital and an outpatient program for eating disorders before.
I've been suffering for six years and rarely get my period (infertility and diabetes type 2 were future problems I was told I could face). I've done all I can do, and I did it all WILLINGLY to help myself. Is this something that will definitely go away, or can it last for the majority of my life (does it happen)?
I know you wrote your post about 4 months ago, but I just found this site, so first, let me say that I feel very bad for what you have gone through. My daughter suffered from anorexia and was hospitalized. You may already be in treatment, and if so, I hope you work hard and get better.
I can only speak from my experience with my daughter. I think it's always on her mind, but she really works at making herself eat, even when she doesn't feel like it. She didn't like being in the hospital and doesn't want to go back. Fortunately, she doesn't have any lasting physical problems that we know of at this time.
Always remember, you deserve the best life possible. It's great that you are willing to help yourself, because it means you want to get better. I'm not sure how old you are and if you have someone taking care of you. I hope you do. In my opinion, if you are not under the care of a physician or therapist currently, it would probably be a good idea to seek help once again. As I'm sure you know, you should find someone who specializes in eating disorders. Not all of the therapists I took my daughter to could help. They meant well, but it just wasn't their area of expertise. Once she was hospitalized, she was treated by doctors and therapists that dealt specifically with eating disorders.
I hope you find the help you deserve. I can tell by what you wrote that you are very determined and you want to get better. Stay strong and persevere.