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Hello all, I am 19 years old and I have had signs of pocd last year and I always had thoughts of hurting my little niece but I never did and would never do such a thing the thoughts used to make me physically sick and I couldn't be around her for so long it upset me! It has cleared up quite a bit and I can just ignore those thoughts and get on with everyday life. Then yesterday I got into an argument with my father and I was really angry. I'd settled down and tried to forget about it. Then my cat came over to me and all of a sudden my brain was telling me to hurt my cat, I was ignoring it then all of a sudden I had my hands around her poor little neck!! :( I feel so terrible and upset about what I have done and I'm seriously thinking about ending my life as I cannot cope anymore. She is okay but she's really scared to be around me and I am to scared to go near her as every time I do I then go to do it again!! I don't know what is wrong with me. I haven't got anyone to talk to as I am too worried I will be locked up if I tell the GP and I know I won't be able to work in the nursery I am at even though I know I would never ever hurt anyone and I'm worried my family will hate me forever if I tell them what I've done. I just want to be normal again and live a nice life like I used to. All this happened after I had left school a couple of years ago and feel like the stress and anxiety has got the better of me and is making me so depressed. Sorry for such a long essay I just need to talk to someone and I know it is wrong what I have done I really wish my mind would just stop with these horrific thoughts and I wish I could go back to having a care free life before all of this:(

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First of all, your family will always be there to support you, they will live you no matter what, family is the thing you can always count on so don't be afraid of telling them. Since you haven't done anything wrong nor hurt anyone you will not be locked up. There are many people out there that feel like you, and this doesn't make you the worst person on earth. What you need is to talk about it with people that know how all of this stress and anxiety affect your person and how you relate to others. Suicide is not the answer. If you think about you want to get help, you know yourself and accept that you have a problem but that you would never hurt anyone. You need to learn to control your emotions which is why I believe it would be a great idea to speak to your parents about these feeling and go to a psychologist. Going to a psychologist does not mean you are crazy person, going to one will help you control your emotions and make you feel that you ate not alone and This will help you feel better. If you want to continue to speak about it to me and just have someone that will listen and not judge you can talk to me whenever you need to. I hope this helps you
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Thank you for replying, I really hope they do understand I don't think I could live without them in my life. I feel terrible about what I've done she seems really timid towards me and runs away which makes me so upset :( I don't quite know how to tell my mum that I'm not well and I have silly thoughts and I can't bring myself to tell her what I have done to our little cat which is bringing more stress on me.
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They will understand, your parents will always be there for you no matter what and i know that it makes you scared because of course it is something that you can't even understand so why would they? You should not expect them to understand, just to listen and bring you help. You don't need to tell them what you did to your cat if you feel uncomfortable doing it; just tell them that you need to talk to someone (a professional) because there are things in your head that they wouldn't understand and you need help. Also think about this. It's good that your cat is afraid because now you have something around that reminds you daily of what you are capable of doing; which will make you try to control it. You won't loose them, of course they will be scared for you because they care and they love you.
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Thank you so much, You've been so helpful and I really appreciate it :) I am going to work up the courage to talk to my mum tomorrow and tell her how I am feeling. Thank you again.
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I am so happy that i could help you. Whatever you need i will be here 

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