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I am 16. As a child I was sexually abused by my father and until fairly recently was made to carrying on seeing him monthly. I've stopped contact with him now and my mum can't understand why I hate him so much, she has no idea what he's done to me. I've plucked up the courage to tell a few very close friends over the last summer and they've become my support network but it's a taboo subject which they just can't deal with. I have panic attacks and also get really sad. Everything feels bleak and numb; utterly pointless. I've had suicidal thoughts and plans since I was 12 maybe younger. However, I could never hurt my family like that so always just plodded along. Now,the depression is getting too much for me. I've turned to cutting and nobody knows. I want to stop but it's the only way I can feel anything. I used to use scissors but glass cuts so much easier. It's a pain always wearing long sleeves and jumping every single time anyone touches my arms. I know I need therapy. I even want therapy but there is no way to ask for help because my mum will just think I'm a silly teenager going through a 'phase'. I refuse to tell her the truth. I can't hurt her like that. I could wait until I move out but that's two years from now and I don't have that sort of time. 
If anyone has any experiences similar to mine or thoughts or anything I would really appreciate it. I am going insane with these thoughts swimming around in my head, it's time to ask for help.

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Firstly I want to tell you I'm so sorry for wot ur father did. He is complete animal, u must tell your mum wot he did to you. You have to be brave and tell her you can not let him get away with this. He needs to be stopped before he does it again you must be going through so much you can't deal with this on your own babes it's too much for anyone to cope with it will drive you insane None of this is your fault you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You need to speak up babes your mum will support you, your friends and family too. You have to get him sent down, you should go see a councillor you need to get your anger out tell them what you feeling. don't give your life up cause of him babes he took the begin of your life don't allow him to take the rest of it. You can go on and be who ever you want to be you can do great things with your life you sound very brave and very strong you can do this. I don't know you I have never met you but I believe in you. No more cutting alryt babes.
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Wow. Thank you. I know you don't know me but oddly you just saying you believe in me helps. I've never thought about the fact he took the beginning of my life so I shouldn't let him take the rest. That's what I'm doing, losing my life. I'm going to stop the cutting. I'll have to ask for help. I'll fail on my own. I'm just scared of people thinking I'm just another silly teenager going through a phase. Am considering asking the school councillor but every time I'm at school I chicken out. Your reply means a lot to me so alright, no more cutting :)
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You have nothing to thank me for huni, you stopped the cutting is just fantastic.x Don't worry about other people babe, you will always find people gossiping through life but you can't let them get you, I'm so happy your getting in touch with the school councillor you got your friends and family around you there the only ones that matter. Your gunna be alryt you, Ino it your a very bright strong girl live your life babe xx
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Lavamair,
I know it can be hard to deal with at times and it's great that you have close friends as a support but I really find it important to tell your mom about it. If you need help, your family is the best support and resource. I went through different issues as you but I had a similar experience where i was embarrassed and scared to tell my mom some things I had done. Once I finally got up the courage to tell her I felt SOO much better. It's so great not having to walk on your toes with everyone, especially at home. Your house is where you should feel the most safe. I think you should tell her. Ask her if she wants to go for a drive or a walk one day and talk to her about everything that has been going on. As for the therapy, I highly suggest that as well. I have been going to an energy therapist and although it is a lot of work getting over some of your past struggles it is totally worth it. I understand how hard it is to keep secrets and feel the burden of not knowing what to do, it literally eats away at you but I promise that once your mom knows, she will do her best to help you. She loves you and just wants to see you happy. Hope that helps! Good luck with everything and keep me posted!
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Dear Lavamair:

You are very courageous to seek help and to begin to tell your story. And you are not alone. There are others suffering as you are and wondering how they can can sort their way through these problems. And there are still more people that have already worked through such abuses and are helping others like you to find their way through this confusion and depression.

Being 16 is a difficult time for some people to begin with, because you are just starting to figure out who you are and what you want from life. But, you have been wise to reach out for help before your emotions spin out of control. You need a support group and kind friends to speak with to listen to you. Please don't be afraid to move forward, and please be certain that you CAN find your way through these troubling times so that you will grow stronger, and perhaps some day help others.

Its very sad that you are injuring yourself because someone else has thoughtlessly injured you. But perhaps you have lost some of your self esteem and you need to realize that you are loved by your mother, and undoubtedly many others besides her. You will now need to love yourself and talk with a school counselor or a spiritual adviser to get some professional help. And I will say a prayer for you that you will do this, and that you will no longer hurt yourself. God loves you, be certain of that.

Please let us know of your progress and how you are doing. And please think more than twice before you ever cut yourself again. You sound like an absolutely wonderful girl with a great deal of potential. May God be with you.

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Thank you, all of you. I'm pleased to let you know that since writing this post I've only cut myself on one occasion. I'm doing my best to stop completely. Admittedly, I did it fairly badly but I was upset and didn't think twice about it. I have a mate who has noticed so I thin she'll keep an eye on me now and hopefully keep me on a straight path. As for getting help off a school councillor, I'm afraid so far I've chickened out. I broke down in tears with my head of year without actually getting into any details but that was as far as I got. Life sucks but I keep trying. Really thank you for the moral support. Also, A Caring Person, I'm not actually religious but I appreciate the sentiment anyway.
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Lavamair,
I am so happy to hear you have been improving. I know that therapy or counseling can be a little intimidating but I promise it will be worth it. It doesn't have to be your school Councillor, you could go to a professional and it would work as well. Therapy is a great way to get to your potential and realize that you are worth something. I did the same thing and i'm finally in therapy and it is so great. You really become friends with your therapist and work things out in your life. I highly HIGHLY suggest you go. It does take a lot of courage to go in the first time but I know you can do it! Be strong, remember what you want the most and why you are seeking therapy in the first place. Don't let the fear overcome you, YOU overcome the fear. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
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Dear Lavamair:

Thank you for letting us know how you are! I understand how you feel about religious things. I'm typically not interested in religion as much as spirituality and only just recently became a member of the Salvation Army church. I got involved with them only because they really do help people and don't preach at people. [And neither do I]

The most important thing for you to do, as K.S. has stated, is to get some professional help. And while it may seem intimidating at first, after going, you will quickly wonder why you didn't go sooner, because it will revolutionize your life and set you free from the prison of fear, anger, sadness, and shame that you feel. You have been deeply wounded and scarred by the very man that you would have hoped would be your protector and friend, and this has brought you incredible grief and anxiety that would be difficult for almost anyone to bear without receiving some professional help!

You should neither be ashamed or afraid to ask for this help anymore than you should be ashamed or scared to ask for help if you were bleeding to death. Because, Dear girl, you are bleeding inside, within your heart, and you truly need and deserve proper care to stop this bleeding from continuing even one day longer. And I say this with the compassion of a friend that does not even know you, but as one that personally knows the pain of disappointment and scarring from a relationship with my own father.

You are obviously a sensitive and caring person yourself, and you deserve respect for speaking up here about this matter. Now, the next step is before you, waiting to be taken, so that your life will be changed for the better, and so that you will never look back with regret. Be courageous and take that step. Bring a close friend along to the counselors office and, if it helps, put your story in writing before going. You will find that, once you have taken these first steps, it will be like a great weight has lifted off your shoulders, and you will begin to be a new person with joy and excitement that you have not felt in a long time.

My heart goes out to you. We hope to hear from you soon.

ACP
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hello look i know how it feel i was sexually abused by my dads step dad he started since i was 8 yrs old my parents were goin through alot their divorce my moms dad die the year he started to hurt i know if my grandpa would of been their he could of helped me my parents where so much into there problems that dident notice what was goin i had a little sister she was 10mths back then it was so hard taking care of her then my dad my sister and i moved far away from there if was so reliefing but every summer i hated i was so scared to tell anyone you feel guilty even though you havent done anything he would tell me that he would hurt me even more if i told he keep on doing this until i could defend my self now i had to watch out for my little sis in the restroom and anywhere she went and everyone would tell why are you never home when i stayed with my grandma i would never say anything they would think i was bad and stuff but i was trying to stay away from him taking my sis with me i told when i was 17 i just couldent take it no more him bodering me all the time i tried taking medicine to take my life away my mom dident care and my dad went to talk to him and he took the rifle and shot him self i felt guilty for that but i was glad nothing happed to just God gave me the strength to forgive that i dont have all that sour taste in my mouth no more my sister was my strength and thanks to God i am still here i wouldent had liked it if i wouldent been their for mi sis i love her with all my life and i am happy that i always prevented him hurting my sister now i am 21 i love my life i have a wonderful husband that i love with all my life to and i did something good in life i am a foster parent because i know what some of this kids are goin through and i know i am able to protect them now i am seeking to adopt i hope i find my forever baby so please nothing like that is worth your time go out there tell your story give strength to the kids that need it
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Over a year has past since your last post. Could you pls let us know your progress. Have you finished school? Started university? What happened to your dad? Have you got a boyfriend? Everything you like to tell and might help other readres to know how youcame over this.
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