Hello all, I am 19 years old and I have had signs of pocd last year and I always had thoughts of hurting my little niece but I never did and would never do such a thing the thoughts used to make me physically sick and I couldn't be around her for so long it upset me! It has cleared up quite a bit and I can just ignore those thoughts and get on with everyday life. Then yesterday I got into an argument with my father and I was really angry. I'd settled down and tried to forget about it. Then my cat came over to me and all of a sudden my brain was telling me to hurt my cat, I was ignoring it then all of a sudden I had my hands around her poor little neck!! :( I feel so terrible and upset about what I have done and I'm seriously thinking about ending my life as I cannot cope anymore. She is okay but she's really scared to be around me and I am to scared to go near her as every time I do I then go to do it again!! I don't know what is wrong with me. I haven't got anyone to talk to as I am too worried I will be locked up if I tell the GP and I know I won't be able to work in the nursery I am at even though I know I would never ever hurt anyone and I'm worried my family will hate me forever if I tell them what I've done. I just want to be normal again and live a nice life like I used to. All this happened after I had left school a couple of years ago and feel like the stress and anxiety has got the better of me and is making me so depressed. Sorry for such a long essay I just need to talk to someone and I know it is wrong what I have done I really wish my mind would just stop with these horrific thoughts and I wish I could go back to having a care free life before all of this:(
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They will understand, your parents will always be there for you no matter what and i know that it makes you scared because of course it is something that you can't even understand so why would they? You should not expect them to understand, just to listen and bring you help. You don't need to tell them what you did to your cat if you feel uncomfortable doing it; just tell them that you need to talk to someone (a professional) because there are things in your head that they wouldn't understand and you need help. Also think about this. It's good that your cat is afraid because now you have something around that reminds you daily of what you are capable of doing; which will make you try to control it. You won't loose them, of course they will be scared for you because they care and they love you.
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