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My friend is getting ma rried to a friend of my husband's.  They met at my wedding almost three years ago and I am very happy for them.  The problem is she was really horrible to me the other day and I don't know how to deal with it in a way that is understanding, and yet lets her know that what she did is not okay. So here's the situation:

She announced her engagement in January, they are getting married in October.  My husband and I are both in the wedding party.  Well, I am two months pregnant, and will be about eight months pregnant at her wedding.  I made sure to tell her three weeks ago, so if there was a problem, we could discuss it.  Well, it was all fine and dandy, until we went to get dresses.

I am overweight to begin with (probably the biggest of her bride's maids) but I fit into the dress fine...the problem is I can only order it one size up.  The consultants tried to reason with her, to let me get a maternity dress that was similar, but much less form fitting and comfortable.  I told her I would do whatever she wanted, because it is her wedding.  So in front of another bride's maid and the consultants she says "well, if you're not comfortable in dress, I can understand if you want to be opt out of the wedding."  I have been her friend for over 15 years.  Whenever she has a problem, she comes to me.  She calls me when she has problems with all the other bride's maids and I try to support her in whatever way she needs.  If she wanted me out of the party, she could have said so in private, and I would have understood, but to put me on the spot in front of everyone was embarrassing and really upsetting.  

She also made a joke that I should "get rid of me pregnancy" so I can give her the perfect day.  I understand it was meant as a joke, but it's not funny.  This is a high risk pregnancy...we didn't even know if I could get pregnant and the day I found out I was I was at the doctor's office to discuss the possibility of a hysterectomy.  This baby is a blessing and a gift.  I have a huge appointment coming up tomorrow, my first prenatal exam, and I am already nervous enough.  I have been feeling really sick, but said nothing because I wanted her day to be special.  I didn't complain or anything, not even when she was rude, but I really feel her comment we out of line.  She is making me feel like I am ruining her big day by being pregnant. 

 Driving two hours to her wedding while 8 months pregnant is not going to be fun or pleasant, but I already decided that I would do what I had to in order to make her day special.  She ignored me the entire time too.  I don't like being the center of attention, that's not what I believe should be the case, but she had her future sister-in-law there and they were basically talking about "family" things and ignoring my presence.  But even her future sister in law commented on how I was the only one with a great attitude.  I bought the dress, and don't care that I'm going to look terrible, I just want her to be happy.  Is it wrong to write her a letter and tell her how hurt I am.  It's fine she didn't even ask me how I have been doing, but to joke about something happening with my pregnancy is just not funny to me.  If something does happen, I don't think I could look at her the same, just because she made me feel so terrible.  I didn't know there was a rule that stated I should not have any life altering experiences for a year after a friend announces an engagement.  Am I wrong to be so offended?

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You gave an account of a single day here. Is she always like this? Did she get enough sleep? Is she stressed about the wedding? Some people need a reality check at times. Nobody likes them (myself included) but just about everyone needs them at some point. Discuss this with her in private. Do it in a tactful but firm way. Her sense of humor about your pregnancy sounds a bit rude, but then again, that's the "sense" of humor, she's your friend, you know her. Maybe your hormones were a bit off & you took things a little the wrong way(single day info)? It is her wedding so as you stated give her the choice to make her wedding everything she wants it to be. It's HER wedding, let HER choose what SHE wants. She's a woman & women are different than guys, but I'm going to go ahead & assume the whole wedding ordeal means much more to the bride than the groom, try to keep that in mind too. Whatever you do or how you handle this, I'd keep it to a private discussion though.

Congrats on the pregnancy, get EVERYTHING ready for the baby now, no you're wrong, you won't have time to do that after the baby comes, trust me. It'll be BABY TIME, shitty diapers, midnight feedings, crying.....& all worth it, all of it. Also, FYI, the baby stuff will take up three times more closet space than you anticipate & a baby/toddler can only play with one or two toys at a time regardless of how overflowing the toy chest may be.

Good Luck with your friend & your pregnancy!!!!!

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Morning Viperbunny,

   Best friends don't act that way, ever. It sounds like that mean comment was a way for her to "show off" in front of her bridal party. Joke or no joke, it was mean and distasteful and totally out of line. I am sure she knows how much this baby means to you, being that your best friends and all, so she really made a faux pa, a big one. I would be pissed and hurt for sure. And that remark about you opting out of her wedding was just another lousy crack.

If you two are certainly best friends, take her aside and ask her what that was all about. She will use the excuse that she is stressed out over the wedding, and that could very well be the truth. Remind her that she really hurt your feelings and her tasteless comment was was out of line. Nip it now before you invest any more money into her wedding. Weddings can be very costly for members of the bridal party as well as the bride.

Good luck with your new arrival.

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Thanks.  I was just so worried I was overreacting.  I'm known for being really easy going, so I tend to let things go, but the hurt wasn't fading.  I did send her a message about how hurt I was and she apologized.  She said she felt lousy afterwards and realized that she wasn't being the nicest person.  She even told me I was right to call her out.  We are planning to get together to talk.  I can put it aside, and I had my first ultrasound, the baby has a strong heartbeat, 161.   So everything is looking good and I'm hoping we can just get past it.  Thank you for your kind words :D
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Health Ace
6880 posts

As the years go by I have developed the opinion that once you get out of high school, most people don't do or say things for the express purpose of hurting someone. I think generally we're too busy living our own lives to waste the effort. So if you are offended it was probably not intentional. If you can accept that premise you can either ignore it and simply go on with whatever you are doing or do what BB said.

I'm glad it worked out for you doing it BB's way ---- she's so much smarter than me, anyway :-)

 

 

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Awww shucks njoy...how the hell are yaxp
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Health Ace
6880 posts

Hey Beeb, the snow finally melted enough to get out again?

 

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Sure did njoy....and i got got remarriedo.O
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Health Ace
6880 posts

Congrats Beeb.

I'm glad you did it,<3  but did you get your tractor back?:-S

Did you get any grief from that guy who had your tractor?

 

We probably should take this over to the comedy club or ?.

 

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Good idea njoy, ill catch u over ther:-|
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