husband watching porn

Computer porn played a hugh part in busting up my marraige. I did not care if he did it once in a while but it became a part of his life, like breathing. Then came the e-mails and the short videos, all from younger females. He would polish the rocket ALL the time and would leave remnents of his disgusting computer interludes on the desk chair. After a while one can and will get tired of it and then the fighting begins. I'm sorry but i don't disagree with a guy that does his thing on the computer but when it starts to take over a line has got to be drawn, sorry.

I haven't found any computer porn or any other porn for that matter that does much for me. But I didn't come of age in front of a computer. Some of it's disgusting but most of it's just plain dumb.

I used to get a lot of VCRs in my shop for repair that had tapes stuck in them. Many were porn flicks because they seemed to be the tapes that were in very poor condition, maybe from excessive use. I had a motel that brought in quite a few because they rented the tapes to customers. They came in with pubic hair inside the machines. How the hell did they do that? I can't see a VHS tape being used as a dildo. It's always the same old unrealistic sex and often abusive.

I had a guy bring in a camera with the tape stuck in it. He said "don't look at the tape". Ya, right!!!! He had taped his wife in the bathtub with the baby. Now that was really nice. I used to visit a married friend before I got married and we'd sit at the kitchen table having beers. This was in the early 60s and they were the hippy types. She didn't wear bras. She was breast feeding and she would just take off her sweater and hook up the baby. I always felt privileged to be there, it was a beautiful scene.

However I would like to be able to share masturbation with my wife by watching her and her watching me. I think that would be quite a turn on, if she could enjoy it too.

Not to be judgemental, but it sounds like seperation may have happened anyway. But fighting is the worst answer to most any disagreement. You could have done anything from turning off the internet, even for a few days and see if you can occupy his time doing something else. He obviously is an exibitionist, and likes the praise he is getting from his friends on line. Could have asked him to masturbate in bed or without the cam and alongside you, telling him that if it involoved sexual behavour you wanted to know so they could share it. Of course you would be angry if you watch him having his fun, and acting as your not even there. And if you show up on cam on the computer, having a woman with him, which is harder to find ,for free anyway, would attract more men to watch, I garuntee that she would get a lot more attention than him, he may realize that all these other men desire you/her and that he should too. Also most men don't like men watching them on line. Somehow they think it is offensive if an anonoumus person watches them , I guess they think being watched will change there sexual orientation. OR If he is on a home pc,take a laptop somewhere else in the house and sign on under a dirrerent screen name, make comments that he enjoys,listen for other ones he likes and then later tell him you were (screen name) and you wanted a private show, participation. You can't tell a child you can't have something. That makes them want it more. Draw his attention to something else, and without fighting, you can change his behaviour. The first thing I think of is having another couple over for dinner. He has to be in the room with everybody else, not on the computer. Invite a friend of yours over, and go by the computer, you can make something up.But he will know if you have somebody else with you, he is the on-line playing and would stop not knowing when you might walk in.Make sure your friend says hi, or ask a question so he has to react to her being there. Divorce should be the last choice, be creative.

jerbrent, not to be disrespectful but you have no idea what went on in my marraige or behind closed doors for that matter. If i even attempted to turn off the internet it would have been worse. I fulfilled my husband sexual needs in every way possible, and then some. He is an extreme s and m'er and has a voracious appetite for bondage.
I will not entertain him by acting like one of his web cam friends, i am his wife and anything went in our bedroom, no matter how painful or humiliating it was, i did it until i got fed up.
He has always loved the younger woman, he is 61. Now he is seeing a women 30 years younger than him, i am 9 years younger than him and i look damn good for my age. No matter how much attention i gave him, no matter how much i stroked his friggin ego, no matter what i did or said he was still going to do his thing on line and behind my back.
Please, before you go off on a rant, learn more about the situation first.

I could only go by what was posted. It was your husband's sexual devancy that was the problem. And you should have left. You have to respect yourself before anybody else. I dumped someone I really loved because they didn't treat me with the repect I deserved.
Yes the internet makes it very easy for people with all kinds of fetishes to find one another. And those fetishes which impose or hurt someone else without their consent, Is wrong and should never be tolerated. I have never run across those sort of things on line, but I'm not looking for them either. I was responding to the normal types of chats and sites I have been on. I believe divorce should be avoided if there is any chance of a reconciliation. But your situation was abusive and never fair to you! ABUSE can never be reconciled.
With the accurate information, I would never had suggested you try and work it out,clearly it could never have had any result that the one it did. And is a world away from the kinda of on-line activity that I percieved.You have my apoligies if you were offended, but Now I know the rest of the story. The internet made his sickness easier for him to escalate, but he was the problem. My reply was assuming that it had been a normal relationship. Clearly it was not.

I reread your post, and they both said you tolerated his behaviour. My original reply was more towards the women that consider masturbation as Adultery. And I mean Masturbation, NOT a fetish , that is a completley differnet animal.

Thank you and i appreciate that. If you look around the forum you will find a lot of my story including the start of the divorce. I first learned of his infidility back in June of 09 and the problems just escalated from there. He was so fixated on the younger women that he would go to a site called Fathers and Daughters, how disgustingly perverted is that? The chick he is with now could be his daughter and they look so silly together. But once his wallet is empty so shall his bed, oh well, sucks to be him.

Man there is some bad advice on here... Yes your husband loves you. Men become addicted to porn for much the same reason women are addicted to shopping or people are addicted to drugs or alcohol. I gives them a sense of control and pleasure. It has nothing to do with how he see's you or loves you. My husband was addicted to porn and I initially thought this. After I caught him and we had a heart to heart, he honestly couldn't tell me why he looked at it and was in tears when I told him how I distrusted him now and how I couldn't think to be with him sexually after all this. He tried to reassure me it had nothing to do with me or his love for me. After going through counseling, I heard his explanations and realized it truly didn't have to do with the way he saw me. It simply was an addiction to a temptation every male deals with their entire life after puberty. Some men just are able to have self control and some give in. Porn is not healthy. It has been proven time and time again that it is a unhealthy addiction. Women who tell you they are ok with it, really aren't...they just feel helpless to change it and assume by accepting it they are proving to themselves and everyone else that everything is ok. Or worse, they accept it because they don't have enough self worth to challenge their other half over an unhealthy action for fear of losing it. Men who do not wish to change their habit are like a drunk who refuses to admit they are an alcoholic. Convincing them there is a problem is paramount, and if nothing else telling them that their actions hurt and bother you should be enough reason to change if they love you. It was for my husband. He hasn't look at porn in 6 months. He has signed up with accountability websites, and I get a report ever month on his activity. He allowed me to install a filter on all our computers to help him be accountable and he tells me when he is tempted so that I know when to spend a little more quality time with him in the bedroom to curb the appetite. You can overcome this, but it he has to want to change and he has to love you enough to want to not hurt you with his actions...Time, patience and prayer are key in overcoming this. Don't listen to the lies that it is nothing, that is is ok because it's natural, and that it's none of your business. It's not true. As a couple anything that effects your relationship is your business and if you want to be healthy, you need to work to overcome the things in your relationship that pull you apart or stop you from growing as a couple. Many ex-porn users say they wished someone had stepped in to help them, that porn actually lessened their appetite for real sex with their spouse. There is hope, my marriage is evidence of this. The most important thing is to remember it's not personal, and your husband probably wishes he didn't need to look at porn, but can't help the urge. Be understanding, but be firm about it. Otherwise he'll apologize and go right back to it. I gave my husband an ultimatum. Look at porn or have sex with me, you can't have both.

Ok my lovelys the main reaon why your men are watching porn and being so defensive it cuz its a habit of us guys,we start wtaching porn at what? 16+ and my generation is like 12 now........ ubut guys are never comtrable of talking about there porn watching unless your cool and WATCH WITH them(MOVIES and such(witch i reccomend you will GET Ideas whitch can spice up ur SEX life) and th e other 2 facters are your not pleaseing them, main problem with couples is you are not communitting about what you like how you like it where u want it and such, and the last factor is there watching porn tcuz ur not letting the or there to embarressed to act/do there fantasys like everyones favorite the naughty school grl or teacher.......well you shoudent b***h to them bout watching porn just join em and start spicying up ur sex life by roleplaying with them and wearing sexier outfits to tesase em(only lookie no touchy)to get em to that point and if you think he finds you unattractive
jucst get in shape buy urself a wii fit and get n shape and tone your body up nyou well greatly notice his eyes will go from the computer screen to you

This excuse people say "guys watch porn, its just what they do" is utterly ridiculous. Telling this woman to just accept it and move on or that she is wrong for feeling bad that her husband watches porn is laughable to say the least. My ex tried to brain wash me about porn, that its a "guy" thing. When in all actuality what it is is a fantasy about another woman/women period. What it really means is that you do not FULLY fill that void for him sexually so he has to turn elsewhere. No matter what anyone says, I am sure truly deep down you know whats really going on. So don't try to sugar coat this one.

My wife committed suicide due to the emotionally devastating effects my porn habit put her through. For once I think guys should be sensitive to just how much you are hurting your lovers when this is happening. If you truly love your spouse is the pain you are causing her worth it? I wish I would have know just how much my stupid habit really hurt my beautiful wife.

okay, porn sure a lot of people have different opinions on it but here is mine. If a man or woman is looking at porn and getting themselves off then why not just be cheating. When you do this you are imagining the image or your own fantasy involved in the porn. I mean if i am wrong tell me but if your imagining another person when your getting yourself off then wouldnt that be the same thing as cheating. Okay think about this your man or girl imagining herself with a really hot guy/girl hot sweating body on top of them. can you get were i am coming from before you do something like this take and picture how you would feel if it was done the other way around. Lets not act tough either really imagine them imagine the scene they are imagining and really see how it makes you feel. If you really love the person you wouldnt do something that would upset up the other way around. Oh and if you really dont care if she/he is then at least make some kind of compromise you would be surprise about how much a little give will do for you.

Pornography is an addiction that can be harmful to a relationship when one of the partners is unhappy about it.
When a man becomes dependent on pornography to satisfy his sexual needs it becomes a destructive addiction.
Sometimes man watches porn just for curiosity, but when porn replaces a wife it cannot be a good thing.
some Signs of porn addiction are:
They don't pay attention of what is going on around them,they will try to ignore their wives and their sexual needs, spend too much time on the computer after the family goes to bed, erase their history on their internet browser every time they use it.
Their personality changes; they become cranky and easy to get upset.
If you notice that your partner watches porn and you don't agree with it, please talk to him in a good way, this can be a sign that something is not going fine in your relationship, maybe the wife is having too many headaches right before both get in bed, maybe he thinks he is being neglected by the wife, maybe there is more crankiness than (lovingness) in your home, maybe your attitude has gone wild, Don't blame him, don't scold him that is not what he needs at that moment; He needs reassurance of love and forgiveness, do your best to preserve your marriage and your family, don't let this destroy your live forever. Try to work things out before you give up the towel. 
If problems persist please see a marriage counselor, you both might need it.
That;s all. 


 

I found out my husband watches porn since we got married like 5 years ago. I checked his computer and found out he was into porn i confronted him and he told me that its not true but then when i showed him the history he watched he said that he wouldn't do it again. I just didn't believe he would quit as he likes to watch porn while we do it so then again a month ago we visited relatives in the US and he locked the door of the bathroom for over an hour and i immediately know he was masturbating. We were in a fight those days so i didnt confront him but as usual i checked his computer and checked the history which he deleted it but one thing he forgot to close was a poop up window which opens every time someone watches porn so i confront him again and he does not admit telling me those poop up windows open by itself but he keeps forgetting that i am a tech support and i am really good with tech stuff. Now we fight about everything because i cant take any sh*t now . The only problem i have is that here in my country people would think you are a w**** if you got divorced and no one will ever marry you again especially when you have a child. To be honest its not that we dont have sex we do maybe 2-3 time per week but i am not enjoying it i feel he doesnt love me and so now somehow i lost interest in him and i dont even know if i love him or not. Let him know u are done with him and if its ok in your country to leave him why the heck wait .

See, that's what I don't get. I'm inclined to think the same thing but my husband can't even keep up with me. I don't push the issue but I make sure he knows I'm up for it pretty much anytime. The only time I'd say no is if I had female issues or I'm sick. So this just doesn't make sense to me