i always fear ive done something wrong after drinking

I was feeling awful probably the worst I had ever felt in my life last week after my 3 day weekend bachelorette party. I'm not kidding I've never felt so awful and I've dealt with anxiety for a few years after drinking. The best thing I kept telling myself was that this too will pass as all the other times had passed and everything turned out fine. I had anxiety for about 4 days and it just kept getting less worse day by day. Exercise seemed to help and let me tell you I'm not the type of person who likes to exercise but I was so desperate and talking with my friends who deal with anxiety in their life seemed to help a little also. However at times like this it seems impossible to be able to listen to anyone as your anxiety has fully taken over your mind. Try listening to calming music seemed to help me a little bit and I completely stayed away from alcohol this whole last weekend and am feeling better now. Deep breathing seems to help also I tried everything in the book I think. Just wanted to let you know I was there a week ago in your same shoes and nothing bad happened the fog has passed and I've finally convinced myself nothing happened and everything is fine. So just keep telling yourself that you did nothing wrong because you didn't. It's your anxiety and guilt clouding your judgment. I see a counselor as needed and she told me guilt is a terrible thought because it completely clouds your judgment and doesn't let you see what is really going on and the truth. If your like me I think I have guilt from drinking because of past issues and relationships and so now every time I go through a few days of binge drinking my guilt and anxiety all comes back. I hope this is helping but just wanted you to know I know what your feeling and it gets better.

Wow I'm so glad that I found this and found people going through the same thing. When I've tried talking about this in real life I'm met with replies like "don't worry" "everyone gets drunk sometimes", or "you'll get over it". These words really don't help me. I suffer badly with social anxiety, so thinking about what someone's judgements or thoughts of me really affects me. I've blacked out 3 times. The first 2 times I was in a anxiety downward spiral for months thinking about it. Trying to fill in the gaps. Worrying constantly what I said or did. Did I hit on someone? Did I say something rude and innappropriate? Did I tell my deepest darkest secrets? When I get blackout drunk I literally can not walk and I know I look like such a fool and I worry that everyone there must think I'm a freak and a loser.

But my last blackout was the worst. I literally don't remember anything apart from the start of the party. I was so anxious to be at the party anyway so I drank before hand - blackout and now I have even more anxiety thinking about what I said/did! It's such a viscous cycle. I know I apparently threw up in my taxi, all over my house, and I think my cab driver had to put me into bed. And now I feel so bad for my taxi driver and all the traumer I must of put him/her through. I can't stop feeling guilty about it. If I knew this would have happened I never would have gone to that stupid party. It happened 4 days ago and I've been in a deep depression, anxious state, constantly ruminating over everything since. I'm so happy I found this thread because it made me feel abit better.

And even the nights when I do hold it together and I'm only mildly tipsy I still get really anxious the day after overthinking my actions or my idiotic words.

Even when they say "don't worry you'll never see those people again" or "they were probably drunk too" doesn't really help. Urrrrgh!

I'm starting to notice alcohol has put me in alot of dangerous situations, and all the anxiety I wonder is it even worth it? I'm no alcoholic, I drink occasionally. I like the feeling of being tipsy, but everything that comes after is the worst.

As I already mentioned my post-blackout depression and anxiety has lasted months before. I just hope I can pull through this abit quicker.

You have to quit - there is no other answer....

Omg it's so nice to know I'm not the only one going through all this.
I haven't touched alcohol for few a years now (I'm 24) but I still spend so much time worrying about when I've been drunk in the past and if I did anything wrong or something I wouldn't do. You KNOW you wouldn't do anything of the sort but you still can't get it out of your head and no matter how much everyone reassures you it just isn't enough.
It's so hard to deal with.

Hi! Its reassuring to see so many people with similar stories. These kinds of forums are very helpful, as sometimes it can be hard telling family and friends your fears after drinking heavily!
Anxiety is an awful thing, I suffer from it a lot and have done all my life, so naturally, drinking can make it worse the day after. But unfortunately I'd find it very difficult to enjoy a session or night out, without it! However, I have noticed within the last year when i started mindfulness and meditation that my hangiexty (hangover anxiety) has lessened. Not completely, I still get racing, worrying thoughts but i am learning techniques and way's to deal with them. I could sit hear all day and nearly write and article about Anxiety, OCD thinking and meditation and mindfulness, but i will not. I will offer as much advice as I can in a short space.
Even if you do not suffer from anxiety on a regular basis, I recommend mindfulness, it'll help you identify negative thoughts and intrusive thoughts while you are hungover.
Research mindfulness, anxiety, thoughts all that stuff about our psychology and our brains, it'll give helpful insight into your thinking after a heavy session on the sauce !
Lastly, don't take my word as gospel, we all have to find what works for each other, but above is just a start!
Sorry for lengthy message, try and have fun out there folks, it ain't easy, thats why we need to try!
Ps. Don't believe everything you think! ;)

I can definitely identify with this. It is so hard to deal with and so far I haven't managed it succesfully. So depressing.

Gorshhhh.I know that horrible feelings, I hate the way I feel the next day and it will last about a week or more. I've tried to stop the drinking but because I'm dealing with alot of issues in my life I will take a few drinks but then I will not know when t stop then I'm drunk and I can't remember anything except for bits and pieces. I really trying to stop drinking alcohol.

This thread has been very helpful. I just want to say that no one will ever have hangover anxiety again in their life if they quit drinking. The posts here mostly write about fear of having done something wrong - but in the end it was just fear. Well, some of us have done some major bad things that were life altering. If you keep drinking and blacking out then it will just escalate like playing russian roulette.

Agree with suggestions about mindfulness being the antidote to mindless worrying anxiety and also suggest Eckhardt Tolle book The Power Of Now and his vidoes on youtube are helpful.
Peace.

From the book Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Book 9, #13:

“Today I escaped from anxiety. Or no, I discared it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions - not outside.”

This post made me feel much better knowing i'm not alone. However, there is still the question did we do something?

i went out last friday with my friend and her fella were all close but i got drunk and started talkin about how me and hkm were almost a couple and i do not understand why i said it im thinking in my head i knew it was wrong but said it anyway.... and iv stressed and felt gulity all week iv even told my mate . i jist keep thinking and thinking why and what dows that mean .

I'm never drinking again, I didn't know how bad I was putting myself at risk... I feel like you guys saved my life!

Hello Jamima, I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I know this post is over a year old now but I’ve recently been struggling a lot with the same anxiety and paranoia from not remembering anything from when I’ve been drinking and making up stories in my head. I was just wondering if you’ve made any progress and have any tips for me? Thank you :)

I have not had a drink in 4 years because for this very reason! I can trace it all the way back to 1999 when I left a friends house and for some reason walked about the streets with a bag of beer?!

I woke up the next day and was fine initially then out of nowhere I got the most horrendous anxiety attack. I was absolutely convinced I had tried to or had raped someone. This was so distressing especially because I would never ever do something like that but it just kept getting worse and I got a thought in my head of a specific location and having a broken bottle to someone but no images of any person, struggle/confrontation etc. I tried to tell myself that I would NEVER do anything like that and that I would not have been capable in such a state but it continued to get even darker and upsetting. This type of thing would periodically occur going forward and when I met my girlfriend it would turn into me thinking I had cheated on her. I never have nor would cheat on anybody?! Basically if I couldn't remember every word I spoke, every step I had taken and breath I drew then that automatically meant I had cheated, raped or sexually abused someone.
It took me until years later to get help and I was diagnosed with OCD. The explanation was logical and made sense but didn't change the fact that I could have done these things as there was no real way of knowing. It is now 4 years on from that point and I still worry about it. My brother keeps telling me that there is NO way I have done anything bad and certainly would have known by now but I convince myself that if I had done any of these things that maybe I threatened them or their family to keep quiet. OCD intrusive thoughts just grow arms and legs and make life unbearable! I did ask my Psychologist why it had to be thoughts of rape/sexual abuse and not something else and they told me that because I think those acts are the most abhorrent and despicable things possible that OCD feeds off it. It is hard to accept as for me it just feels like I have turned into some kind of monster while blind drunk and then got home as if nothing happened?. If I had done anything remotely bad I would be distraught and never forgive myself. I used to video myself for reassurance but that became not good enough as I then convinced myself that I took the videos to lie to myself after having done terrible things. Seriously people, OCD is NO joke!! I feel for anyone who may have had similar experiences but I am quite sure that you have done nothing wrong. I just wish I could convince myself that I haven't.

I felt that same way! Sorry totally late reply but I’ve been feeling this way lately… I’ve limited my drinking to around closed friends and my boyfriend, people I trust because I know when I drink I have guilt and the aftermath isn’t fun. They reassure me it’s all fine and they know I have ADHD which contributes to my anxiety. Be around supportive people if you want to continue having some drinks! It makes a world a difference!