Hi guys,
I have been smoking weed for around 4 years now and within the last 3 months it has been becoming a big issue.
I smoke about half a gram (£5) each night and about £20 on the weekend. If I don't smoke at night then i cant sleep till around 5.00am - 7.30am.
Symptoms of this include: slight depression, paranoia, anxiety and majorly Stress (mostly throughout the day if i know i have no weed for that night).
It is so bad that i have met dealers in the early hours of the morning, just to get a gram, go home and rip some bongs so that i can sleep.
It is something I hate and is becoming awful. I have sort of lost friends with my old best mate, as all i do at night is smoke on my own and never go out drinking etc. This has developed to losing confidence, even when i'm walking to and from work i notice i sometimes look behind if anyone is near me. (Not bad, however i'm worried this could develop.
As i spend pretty much all my money on weed, i never have money for drinking, rent etc etc and always end up borrowing money off my mum and even friends. Its come to the point where i'm making up excuses to borrow money off my mum. I now owe her £600 (Mostly due to weed).
And have worked out my total spending on the drug over the past 4 months is around £900. This cannot be normal????
The biggest issue i have with this is that i am currently doing a course for fitness and gym instruction (a last resort thing as i failed a levels and a level 3 course in business afterwards which my best mate passed and is now at Uni.) :-)
If i pass this course i will be a personal trainer within 1 year and would have a fairly decent job for someone of my intelligence/persona. Although my instructor doesn't know and i have no way of bringing myself to tell her. Currently my parents don't know i use the drug and i feel they may have inclines as me and my mates went to Amsterdam 2 months ago. My brothers and sister all know i smoke weed a lot and say i should stop/cut down. My sister has paranoia due to a life of smoking weed and i don't want to be in that situation, although i feel it happening to me now.
When I do have the night without weed i try to sleep however nothing happens. Its as if my body is awaiting weed to be able to sleep. The SYMPTOMS of not smoking before i sleep are really bad and increasingly getting worse. I just lay there contemplating life and where i went wrong and what i am actually going to do in life. majorly depressing. I also think about the ways i mistreat my parents. Especially my dad. They do everything for me and i treat them so badly. Things like this just make me so upset and depressed, which is why i still continue to smoke weed as i hate feeling that low.
I haven't told my doctor and don't know if i could do that. I know everything is in confidence however I don't have the bottle to do so. And also the way i have been to the doctor with past problems (back pain, shoulder pain, neck pain, ear ache, jaw pain) with no help at all, just pointless words of advice that don't help me at all. This just makes me feel the GP wouldn't help me much, especially as i daily smoke an illegal drug.
People say weed isn't an addictive drug, I cannot agree with that.
I just want to stop.
Please help,
Tom Chapman
19
South England
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