I am in a mess. anxiety or not?

What do you mean a letter for the solicitor? I didn't understand the girlscourt thing? Also GO BACK to the opticians and you need to see an Opthamologist! they have more understanding about the eyes! I have a scar on my optic nerve and the only one to catch that was the Opthamologist! Go when the girls are in school!

Sorry dawn! Yes, I received a letter from his solicitor asking me to sign these parental aggreement papaers. I have no idea why we are back here again-and I cant understand why right now! I wasnt even contemplating a big move until this stage was over. He eother wants me to sign the papers or ( well the letter is threatening court action).

I also did double check with my optician about wha I should do next. Answer; "Not a thing". Apparently its nothing to worry about. Hmmmm well- I left feeling really distressed!

Hi dawn-dont know what to do! Okay-first I should rip up these documentation papers, secondly-I dont know what to do about my eyes-its debilitating! Thirdly, ive nearly finished my coursework but resigned myself to the fact I will fail-but at leat ill have a chance to resit by handing something in.

I cant handle any more!

I cant believe between him watching his mum go - or even if it was after -I cant believe this! I mean I knew it was still going to happen-but right now -thats a bit sh*t! he wants the kids-just like his dad-hes wants to humiliate me and condemn me to no more than dirty toilet roll. Why did i support him through such a horrid time? Why did I feel so bad - when he really doesnt give a dhit about me! I could tell you another story , another angle on it and maybe youd understand why id changed my mind and hoped we could perhaps get together and sort it all out- but not now!

Ive 400 words to go of my course work-ill do that tomorrow- i dont think it will pass, but under the circumstances-imnot even going to let it count as a piece of my academic being!

I want to dissapear!

Sign the papers Katy - IF you go to court it is NOT going to be good! What a PIG!!! Anyway, leopards don't change their spots Katy! Opticians cant send you to an Opthamologist only your GP can! Do NOT rip up those papers OK? And I am worried that he is going for gold here! So GET to the doctors Katy and get some help and backing! This has been going on for 3 years!! And it has NOT imporved! IF you don't get help he WILL go for gold I promise you that! He wanted you to have your guard down and not to see this coming it's awful but not surprising! I know you think it is, but it isn't, GET looking for a place Katy - no more OK? Take the letter to the housing committee and tell them it has deterioated and you are scared for you and the girls and need to get out ASAP! He knew that letter was being sent to you and didn't give you a heads up! NO MORE dinners for him, no more nice to his dad - it's DONE! Get ready Katy and get some help and STOP with the self loathing and saying "there are worse people out there" OF COURSE there are - but just because poor kids in Africa are starving does NOT take away the fact of you being hungry! You are SICK Katy - you vomit, you have wobbily eyes, you can't read to save your life, you have depth problems and you just sit there and take it - you take not only the abuse of your family and that thing, BUT also the abuse of your body on you! You let ALL of these awful things just happen and dont get help to get them rid of! COME ON!!!! Phone Social Services and the housing authority and get some help, he is cooking somehting and you WILL get burnt! BIG HUGS

Hi, I now you're right- I know you are! I have a really peaceful dream of living in a 2 bedroom apartment with the girls. i sleep in the living room as they need their own space-which is perfectly fine.

Ok- I know hes cooking up something. i should have thought about it -( im an id**t) Obviously his family have got involved too. His brither moved house and as he had no motrgage-I reckon hes leant him the money to do court etc

Are you sure I should sign these paper? its like signing my children away >:(

My coursework is bad-but also as I see double when looking at the letters - issee 2 full stops everywhere! Nothing is lloking good here!
Um too scared to go to the doctors-its embarassing!

Well Dawn-Ive rushed my essays-but I only have tonight and tonight im not in the right frame of mind! I feel like im going crazy and my nose is so blocked and Im so tired I keep making spelling errors!

Hope your all right!

The papers are just for him to see the children, get new lawyer to look after your best interests - he/she needs to review the papers before you sign them! Also phone Social Services or go down there show them the letter, tell them you are worried and that you don't have enough monies for legal counsel! they might just be able to get you legal aid - that's what it is called here! It is for low income, we also have a law phone line for quick questions! STOP doing ANYTHING for him and do NOT drink at ALL - even start the antibuse I am telling you Katy he IS watching your drinking and because you are NOW - non complient with the antibuse - he has a good case! LISTEN TO ME KATY!!!! NO more excuses, get some help! He has a lawyer who is already playing hard ball - threatening you to go to court - SO start listening to others and get some help! NO MORE telling me you are stuffed up and can't see - tell the bloddy doctor!!!! I think you have sinuses, allergies etc. So get in there and get on the wagon!!! And doesn't your computer have spell check?!!!

Ok-dawn ! I know! I need a new lawyer, and a new life!

yes my pc has spell check but it doesnt seem to be working! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sorry to be a pest Dawn- but these parental papers are not asking for joint custody-hes asking for single custody-meaning that he will be there main care-giver! Ive looked and double checked-Im not wrong!

I thought we were managing to make some kind of amends-but hey hoo-stupideo me-brainwashed again! Ive no intentions of signing these papers. i think he has felt used by the few last weeks, and has decided to make my USEFULNESS clear. Im no longer neede as a cheap variet of Thatchers milk-so he thinks he can take over-hes even brainwashed my youngest. i dont care how I do it now, nor of what my family thinks-I mean , my own mum was laughing at me, when I stated I struggled at school-in my eyes, i did. In her eyes she thinks im more than capable- but it is true ive struggled all my life, I always wanted to e the happy go lucky straight a student ( well that didnt happpen) I have every letter of the alphabet next to my name.

Oh -I made an appointment to see my gp-but I think ill have to cancel-as theres nothing physically wrong! Imnot a cry baby "peter crying wolf" if my doctor knew id been knocked down 3xs by cars and spued like the women from the exorcist -pf yeah right - je may think different-but if i can get some sort of humiliating satisfaction out of that my eyes are handicapped-i will explore it! I know I dont have ushers disease, but its almost the same thing! Im sad. i dont know what to do now- the last month is winding in my ears, and I cant believe hes done this-becaushes hurt?Sorry dawn I know I go on- but I dont know how to cope? i wanted to tell you how he treated me after his mums funeral etc...I want to tell you what happened-but I cant- its disgusting and makes me fel extremley dirty. Anyway, I better go to sleep , Im really tired, like tired I want to cry but tired I cant.

Sorry we all have our porblems, I know that too, take care.

Do NOT sign those papers - I thought they were the same as last time! I was REALLY worried about this - that he was going for full custody! GO to the doctors Katy - you ARE SICK! I am pulling my hair out again that you wont listen to me and be honest with him! IF they call on him for court - he will state that you have been non complient - and you can't say then - that you have depression and anxiety! He might even call the drinks nurse - and she will say that you stopped treatment! GET BACK IN THERE! No more excuses that this makes you sick, it is that you want to drink because of all the c**p he has put you through! Go to Social Services ASAP! This is NOT going away, document ALL that he has done - even the stuff you dont want to tell me! And you HAVE to tell someone else - as no one will believe you AFTER the fact!

Hi dawn-yes, I know I get legal aid but I will have to find a lawyer again- and I need a female one. i didnt think much of my last lawyer he really wasnt acting on my behalf. Anyway, its draining..he doesnt know ( or atleast I think he doesnt know that Ive got the letter) Im nt sure though, as the lawyer usually sends out the client a warning. he knew I was in a bad mood with him last night as he interfered with some of my stuff and I ended up tellin ghim to go to france in the worst possible way you could.

I was stupid thinking that Leopard could change their spot! So stupid! I think hes got the entire support of his family too - financially i mean! the girls are talking about going to disney land with him their cousins and their uncle.....ive no say, and Im thinking how and where is he getting the money? Further, I thnk and he should pay my mum back for the holiday he took with my family-sorry but he should!I think theres 2 types of people...actuallt theres a lot more...theres the radiator...the one that gives and keeps you warm, And the drainer , the one that takes it all and flushes you clean. Obviously theres the radiator with no thermostats, so they burn you, and theres the drain pipes with the blockages

It doesnt really matter. I just ned a flat and a lawyer and Ill be fine. I need to keep it simple in my head. No tgo back to my safe hiding place where I was when a youngster where things were good and mummy and dadddy laughed together-im not going back to those childlike thoughts I just need to stop it. just because I thought like this, doesnt mean my children will think this-they are not me, they a redifferent , I need to keep it sim ple to move on stop looking at everything , cross purposes and just get on and do it. Dawn stop pullin gour hair out-im listening to you. Today im off to Glasgow and then ill come bacck , ring and fin d out what solicitors do legal aid. there are only a few. I just dont want that one I had the last time, Its horrible telling strangers your private things and then they almost slap you in the face. My previus soliciotr might as well have said this"He not slapping her about 24/7 or blah blah ablah so hes al right to stay and thats all right because womans aid is just rounf the corner...she can get a house from the council as she will be a priority blah blah blah" It doesnt make things ok....it would feel better being hurt all the time as then I could understand why I am the way i am. Anyway, Id better get on.Take care

This is painful! I thinkIm going blind-im doing things by memory rather than seein gthings-my eyes are stinging and if I look properly I feel really sick. its sore. I slept all yesterday just to escpae the pain!

it strange-he says"ive a strange reaction to stress-that I probably just need sleep and looking at the pc for days on end probably caused this"

This morning I got up all my toes are bent , my foot is sore and im fed up complaining-but if I dont im going to loose all 5 toes and not just one.

Apparently the letter was planned to be sent to me over a year ago/ Hes not been to any solicitor recently ( so he says)

Got to go-too sore!

Well-Im done! I cnat get up Rebecca is looking after me-shes got me a drink, put edward scissorhands on and my angle. The vision in mr right eye is blurred and sore . I cant get my head round things. Im not depressed ( i dont think) just my headis going round all events of the past month. I dont know what to do. I was thinking I should cancel my gps appointment on monday as he cant change the way I am so whats the point going, so dont really know why plus im dreading it, and I dont want to be thinking about doctor nurses psychiatrist and conspiracies..

Alex is doing really well for herself. She got up this morning, got dressed in her skinny jeans and put a really lovely top on, she washed and obsessively straightened her hair-then she amazed my by sining her song by Taylor Swift and now has gone for an audition at the Kings Theatre. I just hope they appreciate her angelic voice the way I do.

yup and thats another thing-our politcs makes it prctically impossible for me to een try and go single!

Just ben reading about Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome- Id just like to point out that my nystagmus was/is congential-yes alcohol will not have helped -but sh*t -I still think I have dr Korsakoff syndrome....ataxia is another symptom and I do that now