I get more aggressive each time and get horrifying thoughts

Hello. I'm 22 year's old and lately I been getting really bad suicidal thoughts and thoughts about hurting other's.. I have extreme OCD and get really bad anxiety attacks... I've always had ocd and have fantasized of my death since I was very young. I tried talking to my parents earlier in life but they thought I just wanted attention so I just stopped trying... I really have no one to talk to and don't have money to see a doctor. I become more cold and get mad faster with time ive lost interest in dating and meeting new people.... I constantly hurt myself with sharp objects and hit myself to cause me some kind of pain just to ignore those thoughts. I've also became really mean to people.... I really don't kno what to do anymore I just feel like dying but I can't .. I have a beautiful daughter she means the world to me and keeps me moving each day ... I couldn't leave her to face this horrible world alone. I don't want her to suffer like I did. If it helps. I've had a very dark violent past.. maybe that's wat causes me to be this way.. if someone has some type of advice I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.. I just want to be happy.

Hello,

since I've been fighting with the same condition, all the symptoms you described - from suicidal thoughts, self-hurting to complete loss of interest in socializing - point that you are suffering from depression. And there is no easy way out of it, even if you had hundreds of friends and the most supportive family ever. All you'd hear from them is to 'focus on the positive' and similar comforting phases. They don't help, as I'm sure you already know all to well.

Luckily, you have your daughter and she is the reason you need too keep fighting. And I have to be honest with you - I've tried to ignore the situation and I've tried to fight it on my own... it did not work. Please spare some money and see a doctor, the treatment after that is not expensive since there are generics for all antidepressants. also, if you need to talk - I'm here most of the time, don't hesitate to send me a message or post here,

Nicole