I had two abortions within a year and I have never been so depressed. My first abortion was with my abusive ex boyfriend in October 2014 I was 11 weeks. This abortion was hard on me I didn't tell anyone and I went to the clinic alone. I knew this was what was best.. The baby's dad nearly killed me on numerous occasions beating the c**p out of me. I couldn't let a baby be brought into that. After my abortion I distanced myself from him. I got a new boyfriend within the next couple months.. He was great and in jan 2015 I got pregnant again. I got my period in jan and February. I had no idea I was pregnant at first i also was drinking a lot and doing drugs. I started to feel sick and pregnant after a couple weeks. I continued to drink and so drugs. I ignored it until I missed my period. I was too depressed to deal with the issue. I saved money for my abortion. I tried to kill myself and woke up in the hospital. I finally went to the clinic thinking I was 12 weeks but I was actually 17 weeks. I was heart broken. I asked the nurse not to show me the ultra sound photos.. She waved them in my face like she was against wat I was doing. Once again I went to the clinic alone and I had to continue with the abortion even tho I was so far along. I haven't done a day since without crying. I wish I could of been a better mom and kept the baby. I wish I knew I was that far along so I could of became sober. I feel like the worst person ever. I want to die. I hate myself and I broke my own heart. I told my boyfriend about it after I got the abortion. I just broke up with him today because I'm in too much pain with too much baggage. I've been thinking a lot and contemplating ending my misery and my life. I would never recommend dealing with abortions by yourself or having more than one abortion. My heart drags on the floor