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I am a 30 yr old married mother of 3. My oldest is 9, then I have a 3 year old who is special needs and is more like 2, and I have a 3 month old son. I just found out 2 weeks ago that I am expecting again. My home life is stable, I've been married to the same person for 12 years, we've known each other since we were 10 and have been a couple since we were 15. We pay our bills, he has a steady job but we are not rich, Our resources are finite. I want to be happy about this, since at one point I was told that I couldn't have chidren, but I am disabled with a heart condition and a severe pain condition along with epilepsy. I manage well with my medication, but I worry about what this will do to my body as I was severely malnutritioned with him due to severe morning sickness through out. I should have been on b/c, but with one of my conditions it puts me at high risk for stroke and blood clots. My husband was scheduled to get a vasectomy, buy i got pregnant first. I'm afraid with the stress on my body I wont be able to care for the children I have now, especially my special needs child. I am Catholic and was raised to believe that abortion is a sin, however I personally believe that it is a  women's choice, for other women, not me, because I was taught I shouldn't do it. Now I don't know if the responsible thing to do is to have the baby and do my best, or have an abortion and focus on the kids I have now. Any opinions from other moms would be really helpful. Thank you!!!!

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Hi Busymum03,

I can empathise- I was also raised a catholic in my early childhood (had my christening & communion, went to mass & church classes every Sunday, ect for a little over 7 years), however, my mum married an athiest and converted to spiritualism. I've also 'experimented' with my faith over the years, so I have quite a wide view. I am now a qualified psychologist and over the years, taken an avid interest in science and secular beliefs. I am now what I deem as 'agnostic'- I don't believe Man has the capabilities of really knowing what all this about. Thus I don't believe that religious rules and morals are relevant to real Life. Many are out-dated, hypocritical and absolute rubbish.

 

When I was in my 20's, I had a son- he's now a teenager. I was instantly a single-mother, as his father was too immature and selfish to be a dad. Soon after he was born, I suffered with severe post-natal depression & psychosis. While getting treatment, I fell pregnant again, but decided to have a termination. Not only did I have to think about getting well, but I had to think of the child I already had. We were homeless and living with a relative; I was unemployed and a single-parent of one. There was no way I was going to bring a new born in to our situation- it wouldn't have been fair on the child and I would have definitely relapsed.

At the time, I was very spiritual and went through months of depression because of the abortion. I felt guilty- not only for the child I'd terminated, but because my living child would never know his sibling. However, life goes on and I picked myself up, only to stupidly find myself in that situation again a year later.

This  time, I was at college redoing the education I missed out in my teens. My mental health was a lot better, but my son & I were homeless (again, after getting our own place the last time!), I was seeing a psychologist and working three jobs in order to get another home. Again, I couldn't bring a new baby in to my situation- I was terrified of relapsing and loosing everything I was slowly building up.

 

Both terminations never leave my mind; significant dates are remembered (when I had the termination & when they would have been born) and some days, I regret doing what I did. My son is an only child and I feel horrible that they were his siblings. They weren't only my children, but part of him too and that never leaves me. I wonder what it would have been like having three children- with my eldest at nearly 13, my next would have been 10 in December and the other 8 at the end of  this month.

However, I also know that if I would have had them, I wouldn't be where I am now. I would almost certainly been on state welfare (benefits) in a council property and I would have no doubt turned to drink! The ordeals have made me stronger as a person and I want to make those emotional sacrifices worthwhile. After my second termination, I sorted my life out properly and concentrated on making my living son's life a good one. I went university and obtained my qualifications and now I'm doing a job I love. I can provide for my child & we have our own home now- it's tough sometimes, I'm still a single parent and am very independent so much so, I do my own DIY. I've developed qualities that wouldn't have developed had I had the children.

 

You are fortunate enough to have your husband to talk things through with. Despite my regular contracteption & use of condoms preceeding two of my pregnancies, I was to fall pregnant by losers and idiots not willing to take responsability.

I understand your confliction of faith and doing what you need to do for your family; however, if knowledge and experience has taught me anything in life, it is that we are our own Gods. We dictate how our lives will go and choose our own paths. You have a lot to consider when you make your decission- your health, your existing family and the impact of a new child- but most of all, remember that ultimately it is YOUR decission. Don't let misguided fables dictate what you should do with your own body and what is best for your family. 

No matter your choice, you and your family will be the only ones who have to deal with the consequences.

 

My love and best wishes to you & I am sorry for your predicament.

 

V

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