Life after being raped?! YES!

Well, Im not sure if this is the right place to write this but when I was in 5th or 6th grade, my cousin who lived with us, came into my room one day when he thought I was sleeping. I woke up as he turned on the lights to see if I was sleeping and I pretended to because ... well I don't know why. He came in and closed to door after he turned the lights off. I heard him taking his pants off and rubbing his penis on my right foot. I didn't know what to do and just laid there. I started to pretend I was squirming in my sleep and I heard him quickly pull his pants up and when i asked him what he was doing, he said that "he was supposed to tell me to go and eat" and left. The next day, I demanded for a lock to my door while crying but was too afraid to tell my mom what happened. I think I didn't want to make this a big deal and embarrass my aunt and uncle..

To this day, I still occasionally remember the event. I don't know if it is one of the causes of my depression but everytime I think about this I get frightened and sad that I can't (even now) confess what had happened.

The only time I actually shared this was with 2 of my friends and I don't even know if they believed me becuase one of them actually knows that cousin.


-Erica

I was raped by my oldest brother from age 5 to 17, I am now 34. It never gets "better" nothing stops the nightmares and pain. Nobody will ever truly give a damn as well. Its all a bunch of fake smiles and people pretending to care, telling you to "stay strong" and "there is light at the end of the tunnel" then all the sudden you are quickly reminded of the disgusting things you endured, that feeling never ever ever goes away .

I was raped back in February of this year, i was a virgin, by my step sister's ex boyfriend. she had just broken up with him about a week before, and because we were friends too i was talking to him, telling him things would get better and that he would eventually meet someone new. i felt like he was getting better, and one night when my parents went out of town, i got a text message from him saying that he needed to talk to me. in person preferably. i told him i couldnt do it right then, and that i would talk to him later. he asked why, and i told him that my parents werent home and he knew i wasnt allowed to have anyone over when they werent there. then i said i was going to jump in the shower and i would text him when i got out.
however, when i got out of the shower and had pulled on a big tshirt that i sleep in and was walking back to my room, i heard a knock on the door. i looked and saw who it was and then i cracked open the door just a little and asked what he was doing here. he was crying and said he really needed someone to talk to, so after a brief hesitation i opened the door and let him in. i told him to wait there in the living room while i got dressed and i started walking back to my room. i was in the process of taking off the big tshirt to put on a bra when my door opened.
i grabbed the shirt and held it in front of me. i knew what he wanted.
i dont know why, but i never told him no. he walked over and put his hand inside my panties and started touching me, and it hurt. it was the first time anyone had ever done anything like that to me even tho i was 16 years old then. then he pushed me down on the bed and took my panties off. i was just staring at the ceiling, not really thinking anything, and then i felt the bed sink down from his weight.
i felt him open my legs, and then i felt nothing but this tearing, burning pain. i screamed then and told him it hurt but he told me if i didnt let him keep going he was going to hurt me even more. he layed down on my chest and i couldnt breathe, so the entire time i was in pain and trying to focus on breathing.
then after what seemed like only a second, he got up and off of me. my legs were shaking really badly and i couldnt stop them from doing it, and then he pulled up his pants and told me not to tell anyone. ever. and then he just left while i was still laying there.
i realized he had been at my house a total of 10 minutes, and in that 10 minutes my life changed forever.
it wasnt too long after that that i started talking to another guy. i didnt tell anyone what had happened, and i just acted like everything was normal. my stepsister was dating someone else so i never even saw her ex. but anyway, i found this guy. i wasnt really attracted to him, but he was really sweet and i thought that i might grow to love him. we talked everyday. he didnt really bug me about sex, but he did ask for nude pictures of me everyday. i know it was wrong, but i just felt like i needed to make him happy so i did it. we ended up having sex once, and it hurt as badly as the first time. we broke up not too long after that.
i was going through a depression, although i didnt know it then, and i was with one of my friends one night. now before the rape, i had never drank or done drugs, but that night i wanted to be a dare devil, and try to make everyone think i was amazing, so i ended up drinking so much i couldnt stand up, and smoking a huge joint all by myself. i got seriously screwed up. and i ended up sleeping with a guy that i had been talking to at the time of the rape, not really dating but really close to it and it had ended within a week afterwards when i wouldnt tell him what was wrong. it didnt hurt as much, and i thought that maybe i was getting better.
so needless to say, every guy i talk to i practically seduce, trying to please them and make everything better. I know its extremely unhealthy behavior, and while its happening i feel my mind screaming at me, and afterwards i always get sick.
So i need to know by anyone who has ever been raped, will i ever have a chance at a normal, healthy sexual relationship?

im sorry that happend to you i also got raped but by a cousin =( even to now i still get sad which it happend wen i was 15 and now i am 18 im not saying ur sex live well be perfect u might even have times u dnt wanna have it casue those images will pop out in ur mind and get u sad and feel like ur just being used even if ur doing it with the person u love, u just have to hold them tears back and just smile casue ur okay nothing bad happen like if u got killed or sumthing

wow when i read your story it reminded me of the stories i heard about my grandpa soppusily doing stuff my ganddad is a wonderful man he would never hurt a person at all he has never touched me or cousins and we have stayed with him many times. you guys are very strong to be able to deal with that kind of thing. unlike my grandpa i cant handle people tht do certain things.like this. i admire you girls for being so strong though you probally dont feel so at times.

that is the stupidist exucse for a sick minded man to rape a baby like that he could hv done something else to pleasure himself to ruin a 3-4 yr old baby girl.

this post is really hurtimg me. i know whta you mean by keeping quiet about things like these. you are very lucky your mum believed you when you told her. i was rapdwhen i was 4 and did not tell anyone until i was 21. when i finally told my mum she said i was lying and that was the worst day of my life because the experience has been tormenting me all my life..... i need help so badly and i wish i were dead to be fair

Hello there I am Jesus Davila im a senior at W.W.Samuell High School in Dallas Tx. I need some help and i really need it now i have a friend who is a sophomore at my school i cant say her name at the moment but she has been being raped for a few years now and she's a really special friend of mines and the help i need is that she wont tell anyone, supposedly her family already knows who it is and that they don't care and wont do anything to stop the assault the people that are rapping her are part of her family and my friend has told me that her mom was the one responsible for this screwed up torture the one that is mostly resposible for her being raped,she even encouraged it and is in fault its all her mothers fault. My friend has told me that her family never wanted her and that she's used to it but that's not something anyone can get used to though here at school she acts as if nothing is going on and always puts on a cheerful smile but i can see through it and it makes me cry sometimes I can see it in her eyes and the way she sometimes shuts her self away from people just a few minutes ago when we were switching periods she told me she was raped again just yesterday and shrugged it off like if it was nothing please i need a reply as quick as possible on what i should I've asked her to report it to the cops but she keeps saying no that she doesn't want any problems and that i better not do anything but I know i have to do something so please someone please give me an answer soon.

I don't know the law where you are but where I live I can go to jail for NOT reporting that if I know or I suspect it's happening.

You might report it to the school nurse or guidance counsellor or a trusted teacher but be prepared for her to not be happy with you. They may be able to keep it anonymous so your name won't show up in any reports but that doesn't mean she won't suspect or blame you.

That is certainly a sick situation.

when i was 16, i had my first boyfriend and it was quite nice until he started begging me for sex. then one night when we were all alone in his room it was just supposed to be a simple date with maybe some kissing, but then i fell asleep around 10 and since im a very heavy sleeper, i woke up in terrible pain because a few hours ago, i was still a virgin and he popped my cherry. i went home and was bleeding. boys... =.=... dont trust those mother fuckers -_-

Thanks for sharing your story, I am 34 years old and I was raped. I just told my mom today. I was raped in her home between the ages of 10-14.

I was abused I get flashbacks by a man from church and my older brother I now suffer an Anxiety and depression I feel that I need to go to the police to get closer for myself but I'm scared I told my mum not long ago and I told my dad are you hello and he said I must have done something to entice them on which really hurt my feelings are really bad

I know it has been six years since this post was made but wow i am reading this and i just question how did u move on everyday i feel ugly and worthless and don't take care of myself properly i am so sad inside still and it pains me to look at myself in the mirror what should i do? God really has helped me but i feel am in my own way of getting completely better, i am only 18 and im so overweight from emotional eating.

wow not to compare but people always think they have had it bad until they read someone elses story. i thought my life was hard and now even though i have been through horrible things i feel as if i am just complaining about little things.

Wow! Keekee you are so brave! well, I had a distant friend that had a story like yours