I honestly don't know how to go with this but I've been wanting to vent and really understand. I've been with my man for 2 years and we are truly in love. I recently had an abortion. A baby was everything I ever wanted. It even made our relationship better. He made me believe we were not ready. I myself didn't have family and have abandonment issues. I don't believe in abortions and I definitely do not believe in adoptions. I was forced to do something I didn't want I regret it. After he told me he didn't want kids and it made me not love him. He's a mamas boy so he was scared and cared more then how I felt. I want to start a family and I don't know what to do. Then after everything I had a dream where I was holding my baby and tried to bring him back to life and I couldn't and I panicked and I couldn't find my partner.I have depression.  I feel alone and he never wants to listen. He always changes the subject. I now take birth control and I feel like I don't know how to love. I'm just a different person now. I just really to have a child with my soul mate.