I thought I'd throw this out there?? I've been involved with an addict/alcoholic for about 8 years...this time he says he's been clean for 2 months, but the problem is I have a hard time believing him. He has been a habitual relapser. This January he lied to me about going to a rehab, and after a few weeks after finding out, he said he was clean and didn't need to go, but he'd go to meetings regularly. Well, maybe some of the red flags are going up from time to time here lately, but I honestly don't trust my own judgment with him anyway. He has become irate with me because I don't trust him and he gets really angry when I question him about this stuff.However, this isn't the first time I've heard he's going to meetings. He's lied about picking up chips-(has picked them up when he was using),stolen money, meds, kids things to pawn,he's disappeared on us,the list goes on, but mainly he's lied about being clean when he wasn't. I've been very honest about how I feel with him and the addiction, but lately it justs seems to set off a fight. I don't know what to do anymore, because I feel it will take time to get that trust back and I feel very hurt since the kids and I have been there time and time again for him, but he has no patience for us??? (sorry, sarcasm)His main complaint is that there is no natural sex drive coming from me(I have chronic back pain from an injury,which is a whole other list of problems between us) which I admit, it's hard to be sexually attracted and comfortable to someone that I have a hard time trusting. I complain we need to work on the relationship and get it stronger first, before worrying about sex and those problems. I have a hard time trusting him in the house because I'm afraid he'll steal my pills( I take one if back pain flairs up-low dose vicodin) and I don't want any money stolen either. He hasn't yet, but I need some time to see if he really is clean this time or if he's blowing smoke in my ear again. I told him this would be his last chance. I don't have the insurance for a counselor and my Al-anon group isn't the strongest in the world, but I still read the books. My oldest son goes to Ala-teen. Other than that I'm at a loss. I feel like we're on the losing end all over again. Does anyone have any ideas or opinions???
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As a former user in recovery, Id say the FIRST step for anyone is HONESTY...in my first couple months of not using, and realizing I was looking at an old lady on the street corner smoking, and actually fantasizng of knocking her over and running away w/ her smokes, i THEN realized...Im an addict...yes, of nicotine and smoking
I seriously quit 5 years ago, totally clean for 2 years , but intermittintly picking up, knda making excused for anxiety over bills and money, or needing the extra energy for second job....knowing Im fooling myself..Im taking a couple herbal remedies like Tyrosine and skullcap to help me cut down and quit...I was CAREFUL this time to not smoke regular, day and night, but realize, even a half pack a day is habit enough,,,,that as a n addicts, Im playing with fire...the freedom I experienced when I quit was wonderful, I could breathe better, and allergies were better...different substance, SAME game
Alanon can help, but sounds like you need more than that....realize as long as one uses, they play that I can stop at any time tricks and games....it is the addict mind, I know all about it
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