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Hey everyone,

 

I'm 26 in a couple of weeks and my wife is 22, we've been together for 6 and a half years now (married for 3/4 of a year). 

We have talked loosely about having a baby a few times in the past and we've always seemed to agree that down the line it will be great. But recently her want for a baby has suddenly escalated and I don't feel anymore ready now then I did a couple of years ago! It's become a worryingly strong issue to her that I keep saying I'm not ready yet.

I'd like to nest and make some positive movements with our life first before having a baby. I understand that there's probably no "right time", but I'd like to get out of our rubbish flat and into a house first, as well as change jobs as I'm currently not happy with the one I'm in and wish to move to one that pays better (I'm working on the job thing but we've searched for a while now and haven't had much luck finding a house).

Don't get me wrong, I DO want to have a child one day and it'll make me happy when I do, but I don't want it to be so soon! I always kind of saw myself having a child around 30 or so (making her around 26). This doesn't seem like a long way off to me, and it would also mean we still have some time left to enjoy oursleves and do things that may become a lot more difficult to do once there's a kid in the mix. It almost appears to me that her image of a baby is one-sided, and that she's not seeing that despite being an amazing thing to do it will also be terrifying, hard work and time consuming in the extreme!

I've asked her why she wants a baby now and she keeps saying things like "A baby is a symbol/creation of our love" and "don't I want that?", but I always thought our love was a symbol of our love. Am I not enough for her on my own anymore?

There seems to be loads of posts already on here of women on my wife's side of things- desperate for a baby but their significant others are saying the same kind of things as me, but instead of getting constructive advice all they seem to get are more women desperate for a baby and in the same situation responding and saying they feel this way too! There's no helpful advice.

Can anyone actually advise me on what I should/could do?

Thanks for anyone who can help,

Brad

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Hi Brad, first of all I am a woman and I certainly wouldnt side with your wife on this one.  Im married and have children and know the costs involved both financially and emotionally.  26 years old and you are still young, your wife is even younger.  You both have ample time ahead to have a family and before that should happen having a decent home for you to raise a family in and be financially  stable is a sensible idea.  No one should push you into making any decisions about your life and how you feel about issues that have bearing on your happiness in the future. Good luck in staying strong on your prinicpals and remind your wife that you do love her and that you only have your future families happiness in mind.!
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It's quite nice to hear a stranger take my side, especially a woman too!

I'm going to be seeing her tomorrow, and hopefully we'll be able to sit down like adults and talk stuff over. What can I say if anything to convince her that WE're definately not ready yet? She seems so irrational about the whole thing that normal, sensible sentences may not work!

Thanks again by the way! And wish me luck with tomorrow! :- 1

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Thats a good idea, and bearing in mind if she doesnt understand that at least you have done the right thing in being honest and upfront with her in explaining and being open with your true feelings.  Any wife should respect that.  Hoping all goes well and good luck with it all!
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