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I was a tomboy when i was a kid. really happy and energetic, always talking. People used to love me. then my parents divorced when i was 9. i never saw my dad again. me and my brother were not raised with love and i took care of my brother the way i always wanted to have been raised. he is a good kid and my mom loves him more than me. i was so angry all the time and i just wanted to yell at everyone. at the age of 12 i started doing stupid stuff. i had friends and they did not put any pressure on me, though i fell into their way of handling hard situations. eventually i got addicted to drugs and could not control myself. the worst thing though is that the drugs took some of their lives and i saw them pass away. i kept doing the sh*t anyway and were close to end my life twice. compared to my friends who were good kids fallen into addiction, which eventually took their life, i had during those both times not been affected by anything. i had full control over myself, but i really wanted to end my life. when i was 15 it all just went to such an extent, far beyond the limits and i knew i had to change. so without having any kind of motivation, i just flipped my whole life upside down and started concentrate on school. i did and managed to get such high grades and got in to this awesome college. i put everything behind me and even shut down my Facebook account to get rid of my past. but the truth is i just did it for my family, they did not know anything of me, drugs and my life. and i admit know (im 17) that i made a mistake. i left the world i loved so much and the friends that were my family to become a "better person." and i did, but i lost myself along the path. i've lost interest in everything and i don't understand why i wake up everyday, go to school and come back home just to feel the same f*****g feeling the next day. i dont give a sh*t about anything and nothing seems to bother me, not even what meant most to me once. i was close to being raped and have been bullied once and abused throughout my whole life. people always tend to say things get better, but they never do. im lost within myself and i dont know how to get rid of the pain. there might just be one solution left and before i decide to end it all i come here to ask for advice. please help me. i want to become normal. i dont care what i have gone through, im not emo, i just wanna be happy and get to see the bright side of life.

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I am proud that you gave up on drugs and focused on school. I gave up on self-harm and tried to off myself. What saved me? Navy. Crazy right? Everywhere I turned, the Navy showed up so I figured, why not? I have nothing to lose. I'm not in school, I'm single and I can't find a job no matter how hard I try. I'm not saying run off and join the army but do something that'll give you hope. I don't want you to give up because you're still so young. And I'm, maybe, a few years older. You have a lot to live for. Trust me.
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You have to find what makes you happy. the military has many options and many careers. but whether you do that or not, you have to ultimately love what your doing, and who you have become. im only a few years older than you. my parents split when i was 8. my dad stayed gone. my mother gave my sister and i to the state when i was 11. i got out at age 18. i went and found my mom, she turned out to be a low life for lack of a better term. then a few years later i found my dad just by chance. i went and seen him, mind i lived in pa at the time and he was in sc. when i got there he told me i wasnt what he expected and spending time with me would be a waste of his time. thankfully my husband was there for me and we had already had our daughter. i was a young mother at 16 married at 19, and am now two weeks away from being 21. you have to find a rock in your life. depend on yourself before you depend on anyone else. if you end yourself, you let everyone who has ever hurt you win. prove them wrong, do what you love to do and be happy with yourself no matter who tells you your not worth. be you!! be happy! live for you!! good luck chick!!
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