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This is long, i'm sorry. But I don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend is 40 and im 32. He's smoked pot since high school. We were long distance for 2 years, 5 years ago I left Miami to be with him. Around that time I also found out he was cheating on me with other women and going out with lady friends a lot. I forgave him. Now he has a habit of looking for women on the internet to masturbate and has no intention of making love to me. He never initiates and gives me the excuse that he is tired. When really he's just too burned out from pot smoking or masturbating. He smokes about 5x a day and works a full time job. I can't lie he is responsible when it comes to payments and work. He's been offered managerial positions because he is a good, reliable worker but refuses them because doesn't want to commit to a better position. He puts more importance on buying pot and going out with friends than furthering himself. Whenever I travel for work, he is out consistently, but when i'm home he doesn't even want to spend time with me because he is "broke or tired." When his suppliers or friends call he runs to them while refusing anything to do with me. We have no children and have tried several times but no success. We're still rooming with friends because we can't afford an apartment. I don't get along with his friends because they are disrespectful ignorant idiots. He says that he has no control over his friends. He backs them up 100% and yells at me when i stand up for my self. He is an extreme procrastinator and every time I try to bring up this topic he has absolutely nothing to say, always stays quiet then feels guilty and claims he is going to change for and goes back to his ways after a few days. I feel as if he doesn't care. He is too delirious to realize anything and don't know if I want to continue. I'm so angry that I put my life and career aside for this but I love him so much. I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely and desperate. :'(


Hi Guest,

"I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely and desperate."  The answer to that is pack your bags and leave, NOW.

He doesn't want a better position, he wants to remain immature and hang with his friends.  Why would you want children with him?  He may pay the bills but he's neglecting you, and not really supporting you that well if you're living with his friends.  Odds are that he'd ignore his children too, just so he can hang out.  How are you going to afford children?  They aren't cheap!  He's not supporting you emotionally either.

Stand up for yourself.  You are still young, go find yourself a career that you enjoy and find a boyfriend that respects you for you.

YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO CHANGE HIM.  Only he can change himself.  Unfortunately, it sounds like he has a strong support network of "idiots" in place that back him up and he backs them up.

Respect yourself and move on.  Don't look back.

Good luck.