I had a false start. I wavered back and forth with indecision as to whether or not I was really ready to altogether quit. It helped to think it was "temporary". I've smoked since 2006. Four years with no break, not even a day, at least not one I can remember. At least 1/8th weekly. The justification, a-motivation, concealment, guilt, paranoia... basically the negatives began to outweigh the "mood-uplifting" benefits of the habit. It became an expense that was making me feel spent.
Today will be day 5 or 6, I can't tell you. The moods, soreness, restlessness, ugh. Slowly it is dissipating, and because day by day I am noticing more and craving less (or getting used to cravings going unfulfilled), it *is* getting easier. These forums have been helpful, because the hardest part is feeling alone (I became a loner stoner, so losing Mary Jane is like parting with a comrade as you well may know), not knowing which of the symptoms are "me" and which are "withdrawal". Seeing others struggle helps me realize this bumpy road has been well traveled. All I know is I broke down in a panic attack tonight (after only crying intermittently throughout the week), sobbing out of control and feeling hopeless for hours. Afterwards came relief. So much of the emotions I'd dulled down or smoked away, finally liberated. Painful, but I feel so much lighter. This isn't easy, but it's getting easier. Reading and sharing these words has been a source of support during this transition.
I did brownies my last week to help curb the smoking. It helped somewhat, but once the compounds leave the body, there will be withdrawal symptoms. Especially with high-grade potent MJ products that many of us have serious connoisseur-status love affairs with. Addiction is addiction, and it takes its mental toll. I want to remember my dreams, desires, and what I was like before I engaged in a co-dependent relationship with cannabis. It's medicine...until it becomes a crutch. I'm not disabled and I don't want to be *needy* anymore. I want to stand on my own two feet.
Ideally, I'd like to one day be able to have a hoot on rare occasion. But I recognize I am one of those people where if I have it, it will get consumed, not saved for a rainy day. So this is why I cannot seek it once I stop. It is a medicinal plant, meant to be kept in a respectful, sacred context. Not abused by OCD high-strung emotionally mal-adapted lost young adults such as myself. It's been a long-term relationship... maybe not 20 years, but even so, it's become enmeshed in my personality and I'm ready to find out what I'm like without artificially-enhanced dopamine levels.
Mary Jane, you've helped me through tough times. I thank you for the times of contemplative self-discovery, of social inebriation, of euphoric wonder. But now it's time to help myself through tough times. I hope your liberation is as empowering, if not more, than your discovery. May we meet again only in passing, if even then. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for letting me [let you] go, and finally helping me realize I was the one helping you use me by using you. Peace.
Today will be day 5 or 6, I can't tell you. The moods, soreness, restlessness, ugh. Slowly it is dissipating, and because day by day I am noticing more and craving less (or getting used to cravings going unfulfilled), it *is* getting easier. These forums have been helpful, because the hardest part is feeling alone (I became a loner stoner, so losing Mary Jane is like parting with a comrade as you well may know), not knowing which of the symptoms are "me" and which are "withdrawal". Seeing others struggle helps me realize this bumpy road has been well traveled. All I know is I broke down in a panic attack tonight (after only crying intermittently throughout the week), sobbing out of control and feeling hopeless for hours. Afterwards came relief. So much of the emotions I'd dulled down or smoked away, finally liberated. Painful, but I feel so much lighter. This isn't easy, but it's getting easier. Reading and sharing these words has been a source of support during this transition.
I did brownies my last week to help curb the smoking. It helped somewhat, but once the compounds leave the body, there will be withdrawal symptoms. Especially with high-grade potent MJ products that many of us have serious connoisseur-status love affairs with. Addiction is addiction, and it takes its mental toll. I want to remember my dreams, desires, and what I was like before I engaged in a co-dependent relationship with cannabis. It's medicine...until it becomes a crutch. I'm not disabled and I don't want to be *needy* anymore. I want to stand on my own two feet.
Ideally, I'd like to one day be able to have a hoot on rare occasion. But I recognize I am one of those people where if I have it, it will get consumed, not saved for a rainy day. So this is why I cannot seek it once I stop. It is a medicinal plant, meant to be kept in a respectful, sacred context. Not abused by OCD high-strung emotionally mal-adapted lost young adults such as myself. It's been a long-term relationship... maybe not 20 years, but even so, it's become enmeshed in my personality and I'm ready to find out what I'm like without artificially-enhanced dopamine levels.
Mary Jane, you've helped me through tough times. I thank you for the times of contemplative self-discovery, of social inebriation, of euphoric wonder. But now it's time to help myself through tough times. I hope your liberation is as empowering, if not more, than your discovery. May we meet again only in passing, if even then. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for letting me [let you] go, and finally helping me realize I was the one helping you use me by using you. Peace.
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Hey Guys, I'm 19 years old and I started smoking mj 2 years back. I honestly have to say that I rarely post online but I was so moved by reading so many similar emotions and experiences to my own. I really cannot believe how much I feel I have in common with some of you. I picked up the habit when through friends of mine who all smoked heavily. I regret to say that I now am among the heaviest smokers in the group. This past year I was smoking up to 1/2 o a week.. meaning 4-5 "seshes" per day ( each one being either one joint and perhaps a bong hit or 2-3 bowls). I found the time I need it most is at night, I have this routine of just lying in my bed from around 11 to 3 pm continuously smoking and watching tv until I pass out. I have always found it a little hard to fall asleep and I think this may be related. I also suffer from anxiety, and have been diagnosed before with OCD (in high school), although I think this was just my anxiety as I do not experience the OCD symptoms the way many. But I would describe myself as a happy person who also deals with some anxiety. Anyways.. I'm also the type, as many here mentioned, who will smoke it if I've got it. I find that when I don't smoke, my body, especially my stomach, feels uncomfortable and that's when I end up getting high, sometimes at the expense of other things. Anyways, I've been off for two days now because I was visiting home, and I found that I would sometimes feel very lost and today I cried for a long time over the tiniest thing..
but. I am trying the gradual approach as I still would like to someday be able to smoke only on occasions. Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys all know that you're not alone and good luck to all!
but. I am trying the gradual approach as I still would like to someday be able to smoke only on occasions. Anyways, I just wanted to let you guys all know that you're not alone and good luck to all!
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Well, thanks for all of the comments, they are all great! Well it's my second day not smoking and it's 8:30AM and I am still awake. I did not know that these feelings that I had of tossing and turning and anxiety and.... were common withdrawal symptoms. I have had a very different smoking pattern than most of you. Well I got to know a bunch of stoners when I was 21 and I smoked everyday(5-6 bong hits) for a several weeks before I had to move. When I stopped smoking back then I did not feel any withdrawal symptoms at all, or maybe I did and I didn't even realize it. After that I smoked rarely (like 2-3 times/year), but for the past 3-4 months I have been smoking heavily and irregularly and I feel withdrawal syndromes a lot because of my pattern of smoking. So this is how I have been smoking: 1)get like 7grams and finish it with 1-2 friends in like 2-3 days. Then I don't buy it, because I can't, and then again after maybe 2-3 days I get some. But this time I smoke this in the evening for like 1 week every night or every other night. There is no pattern in my smoking, but I definitely don't smoke continuously though I smoke a lot each month, and I have smoked so much that I don't really get that high, and it's very short-lasting. So the problem is that I have low back pain and it gets a lot worse the nights I don't smoke and I can't get any sleep at all until I drop dead in the morning (but then i can sleep however long I want).
Sometimes when I have to get to class or work I only sleep like 5 hours for 2-3 days. INSOMNIA and RESTLESSNESS are the worst syndromes I am experiencing.
Very recently I had started to feel a lot of anxiety both when I was on or off, but I am better smoking. I used some of my knowledge from college and wrote down all the things that worried me on paper, and even added more to the list later. First I accepted that I had been behind on the schedule and I have f**ed up, but then I planned out how I should take care of my problems and with only a little bit of time just knowing that I am going to take care of the problems and things will get better without those problems my anxiety gradually went away. And each time, especially at night, that one of these problems popped up in my head (making me panic), I told myself that's not a problem anymore and tried to forget it, and this actually worked for me.
I am not here to quit, but I might be quitting soon. My problem is that I spend too much time smoking instead of working/studying. But I was told by everyone that MJ has no withdrawal effects, and it's all fine. But I feel all of the things you mention during the time I don't smoke (anywhere from 1-5 days) but I tend to cope with them by working out, or taking warm showers late at night. My worst enemy has been insomnia, because I already had a little problem falling asleep before and with weed I enjoy sleeping. Right now I feel kinda sore and very restless in bed.
Sometimes when I have to get to class or work I only sleep like 5 hours for 2-3 days. INSOMNIA and RESTLESSNESS are the worst syndromes I am experiencing.
Very recently I had started to feel a lot of anxiety both when I was on or off, but I am better smoking. I used some of my knowledge from college and wrote down all the things that worried me on paper, and even added more to the list later. First I accepted that I had been behind on the schedule and I have f**ed up, but then I planned out how I should take care of my problems and with only a little bit of time just knowing that I am going to take care of the problems and things will get better without those problems my anxiety gradually went away. And each time, especially at night, that one of these problems popped up in my head (making me panic), I told myself that's not a problem anymore and tried to forget it, and this actually worked for me.
I am not here to quit, but I might be quitting soon. My problem is that I spend too much time smoking instead of working/studying. But I was told by everyone that MJ has no withdrawal effects, and it's all fine. But I feel all of the things you mention during the time I don't smoke (anywhere from 1-5 days) but I tend to cope with them by working out, or taking warm showers late at night. My worst enemy has been insomnia, because I already had a little problem falling asleep before and with weed I enjoy sleeping. Right now I feel kinda sore and very restless in bed.
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Hi everyone....thank you all for being so honest on here, I'm just off the ciggie butts for 80 days today, and the pot 48 hours, I'm an emotional wreck....crying my eyes out, but I want to stop not sure if I should taper down, do u know how long it will be tough if I just keep this cold turkey going..,I'm tired of fighting the fight of ciggies and still wheezing and not smelling as well as I should be now....anyhooo yep I was cronic big time, I've had a couple oz's since the first of April soooooooooo I need I want to stop.....thanx
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I'm almost 60 and have "fired one up" most of my life. I stopped a week ago (heavy, heavy KGB smoker) and it IS tough. I feel more energetic, but it's not focused. having a plan for your "nerves" is a very good idea. I fortunately have hand-eye projects to entertain my unstoned brain. I tie complicated knotwork and fish a lot. I wasn't prepared for the short temper and loss of "F U who cares" attitude. now everything seems important and critical. DON'T surprise your partner by quitting cold turkey without letting them know first as they will see a marked difference in your behavior and perspectives, wondering WTF is up with you. Both you & things won't seem as "fun" as before as seriousness is the unfortunate side effect of joining the real world again. but a positive side is your wallet seems to always have something in it besides old papers, screens and post-its with #'s on them of who knows who and the cop in the rear view mirror is just cop, not the "transformer" one dreads when buzzed. if I survive this I'm bound to be better off. good luck to you AND me.
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Hello to all my fellow quitters,
Here's my story: I began smoking at 13, because my dad smoked (from the Islands/listens to reggae) and it is a part of my culture. I was always told that it is not a drug, but an herb from God. I still believe that there are far worse legal substances and perscriptions, but we will not go there. I was always active, smart, social and worked with ease... yet needed to relax with a blunt at the end of every day. When I moved out of my parents house, I smoked when I woke, for lunch, and as soon as I got home-till I fell asleep! I would plan my meals, shopping, work, games... ect, with how I was going to toke beforehand. I was smoking so much, that I only felt "weird" when I wasn't high; and nobody could tell the difference because I was high all the time! I recently had a baby girl 6 months ago and decided I needed to change for her. It got to the point that when I ran out, or if I was stuck somewhere or with someone and didn't have a chance to blaze, then I would do whatever it took to somehow get blazed... no matter what!
When I stopped, I did it cold-turkey without thinking it would affect me. I was WRONG!!! I never trusted doctors, and still don't, but the symptoms were unbearable and I checked myself in to the E.R. thinking I had a brain tumor or some other type of cancer eating away at me. They did tests (scans, lab work, ect... ) Thank God nothing was found! My symptoms were:
-Headaches: dull pressure behind my eyes, from temple to temple. I could feel it move around my brain and get worse and worse.
-Insomnia: Couldn't fall asleep, and when I did, I would wake every other hour or so. Dreams were vivid and mostly scary.
-Nausea: Couldn't eat anything for the first 4 days without wanting to throw it up.
-Weakness/Extreme Fatigue: May be due to lack of sleep and eating, but I had no energy to do sh*t! Mind you, I am an athletic 27 yr old man. I had to nap each day for 2 weeks so far!
-Mood swings: From worried, to depressed, and would snap at anyone who even looked at me wrong! My baby girl couldn't even cheer me up <--- she's my world! My mind is constantly cloudy, like I'm in a haze or high, but not the good high- a constant bad trip!
-Respiratory problems: I was coughing up tar and plegm every waking minuite! When I talked too much or beathed to hard- my throat would hurt.
I knew that I took this WAY TOO FAR!!! I litterally smoked so much, that every part of me was used to having weed for every and any occasion! It was Killing me from the inside out! The detox that was taking place within my body, and the regrowth of new tissues within my lungs/throat/stomach were litterally draining all of my nutrients to where I was a walking zombie with an attitude!
Here's what I did: For the first week or so, I drank water like no other!!! About 10 bottles a day easily! I had no appetite, so I forced veggies, salads, fruites (dried & fresh), grains (no flour)... basically whole-foods. I stayed away from lactos, red meats, sweets, caffiene and grease. I am on my 16th day or so, and am just beginning to feel better. I still have all the above symptoms, but they are starting to fade slowly but surely. First, find a source of strength... some type of support. For me: The Bible, my family and real friends! I tried doing it alone, and would have ended up crazy googling cancer symptoms & sh*t, not knowing that quitting any type of smoking habit is like any other detox!
I have to relearn how to live my life without bud! I can legally smoke (from CA, & have medical license), but why? If this is what is happening then why? I love Bob Marley, I would rather kick it with a rasta than a weenie any day, but too much of anything is BAD!!! I hope this helps someone out there, becuase I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me.
P.S.- You are not my fellow quitter! A quitter would have that bong in his mouth instead of manning up to this habit! I'm not saying I'll never toke again! But I WILL NOT LET THIS CONTROL ME EVER AGAIN!
Here's my story: I began smoking at 13, because my dad smoked (from the Islands/listens to reggae) and it is a part of my culture. I was always told that it is not a drug, but an herb from God. I still believe that there are far worse legal substances and perscriptions, but we will not go there. I was always active, smart, social and worked with ease... yet needed to relax with a blunt at the end of every day. When I moved out of my parents house, I smoked when I woke, for lunch, and as soon as I got home-till I fell asleep! I would plan my meals, shopping, work, games... ect, with how I was going to toke beforehand. I was smoking so much, that I only felt "weird" when I wasn't high; and nobody could tell the difference because I was high all the time! I recently had a baby girl 6 months ago and decided I needed to change for her. It got to the point that when I ran out, or if I was stuck somewhere or with someone and didn't have a chance to blaze, then I would do whatever it took to somehow get blazed... no matter what!
When I stopped, I did it cold-turkey without thinking it would affect me. I was WRONG!!! I never trusted doctors, and still don't, but the symptoms were unbearable and I checked myself in to the E.R. thinking I had a brain tumor or some other type of cancer eating away at me. They did tests (scans, lab work, ect... ) Thank God nothing was found! My symptoms were:
-Headaches: dull pressure behind my eyes, from temple to temple. I could feel it move around my brain and get worse and worse.
-Insomnia: Couldn't fall asleep, and when I did, I would wake every other hour or so. Dreams were vivid and mostly scary.
-Nausea: Couldn't eat anything for the first 4 days without wanting to throw it up.
-Weakness/Extreme Fatigue: May be due to lack of sleep and eating, but I had no energy to do sh*t! Mind you, I am an athletic 27 yr old man. I had to nap each day for 2 weeks so far!
-Mood swings: From worried, to depressed, and would snap at anyone who even looked at me wrong! My baby girl couldn't even cheer me up <--- she's my world! My mind is constantly cloudy, like I'm in a haze or high, but not the good high- a constant bad trip!
-Respiratory problems: I was coughing up tar and plegm every waking minuite! When I talked too much or beathed to hard- my throat would hurt.
I knew that I took this WAY TOO FAR!!! I litterally smoked so much, that every part of me was used to having weed for every and any occasion! It was Killing me from the inside out! The detox that was taking place within my body, and the regrowth of new tissues within my lungs/throat/stomach were litterally draining all of my nutrients to where I was a walking zombie with an attitude!
Here's what I did: For the first week or so, I drank water like no other!!! About 10 bottles a day easily! I had no appetite, so I forced veggies, salads, fruites (dried & fresh), grains (no flour)... basically whole-foods. I stayed away from lactos, red meats, sweets, caffiene and grease. I am on my 16th day or so, and am just beginning to feel better. I still have all the above symptoms, but they are starting to fade slowly but surely. First, find a source of strength... some type of support. For me: The Bible, my family and real friends! I tried doing it alone, and would have ended up crazy googling cancer symptoms & sh*t, not knowing that quitting any type of smoking habit is like any other detox!
I have to relearn how to live my life without bud! I can legally smoke (from CA, & have medical license), but why? If this is what is happening then why? I love Bob Marley, I would rather kick it with a rasta than a weenie any day, but too much of anything is BAD!!! I hope this helps someone out there, becuase I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out what the hell was going on with me.
P.S.- You are not my fellow quitter! A quitter would have that bong in his mouth instead of manning up to this habit! I'm not saying I'll never toke again! But I WILL NOT LET THIS CONTROL ME EVER AGAIN!
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Hello to all those like me.
I have read every single post on this thread since I found it two days ago. I want to cry because I realize I am not as insane as I feel. I'm 29. Smoked every single day since 19. I'm a female. With an eccentric personality, everyone loves to call me a hippie and crazy. It used to make me fun. Now it makes me a sad story. So I'm on a 'decade'. This is probably about the time I started smoking extremely heavily (and alone) when I began ten years ago. I have been in a pattern of self hatred for the last 7 years. I knew when I began that it was an issue. "Just one little blunt" stuck home alone. I endlessly justified it. I have definitely become reclusive. I have gained so much weight because I ate what I wanted - I'm a great cook and a delicious meal was always more fun than a healthy one, when you're smoking.
Several years ago, I transitioned from blunts and bongs to a small little glass or regular dugout. When I try and smoke a blunt with my friends, my lungs can't even take it. The paper no longer agrees with me. I've been coughing up little bits of black 'tar' (I guess its tar) for over a year in the mornings. I hate myself every time I look in the mirror. I've stopped looking in the mirror. I'm overweight. I stopped doing my hair and makeup. I don't care anymore. about anything. As I write this I'm getting sick to my stomach. I'm starving but its so hard to eat. I'm sweating next to an AC and I had my first anxiety attack last night in the middle of the night of course after a bout of horrible nightmares. (its scary to go from not dreaming to dreaming scary stuff - my heart is racing even still)
My father was like this - exactly like this. I watched it destroy him even as I would smoke with him. He died last year and was barely over 50. From natural causes, and I feel much of it was his depression due to how much this controlled him (and booze). He was such a smart man, I idolized him my entire life up until I understood what was happening to both of us. I believe substance abuse destroyed our relationship. I didn't know him when he passed, and im carrying this on my shoulders each day. I come from an extended family of habits. smoke. drink. etc. I couldn't even go a day without losing my mind to find SOMETHING. even shitty mexican brick - it didn't matter. I smoke the resin off my bowl - it makes me sick, but I didn't care. I ran out on like June 11th (I'm not even sure) and I tried to smoke my resin for a few days. I actually smoked all my resin - I'm so disgusted with myself.
So here I am, about two weeks in- I have massive anxiety problems before the pot, the pot relaxed my mind, my body. My mind races 24/7 like most do when they are on acid... I have a history of mental disorder on both sides of my family. People have been on lithium, committed suicide, and have all died early. I'm manic without a doubt. That was my main justification. I've been on Lexepro before. I've had a xanax problem. I REFUSE to take pills or pharmaceuticals. I kicked cigarettes THREE YEARS ago! And I was a 2 pack a day smoker. I've read thats the hardest thing ever - they are so f'ing wrong. Booze - I can and have quit - I go weeks without a drink. Pills - done its easily been 6 years. POT? FOR.GET.IT.
I've been reading a lot lately about the brain and heart and body connection. I'm terrified that my constant stress and anxiety is going to kill me. The stress I'm putting on my heart and body. My relationship. My life failures. I believe deep down inside I am strong enough - there is NO DOUBT. But I was a lazy girl long before the drugs. The laziness I exhibit baffles me, now -at a point in my life where I should be on top of the world grabbing it by the peanuts and making it work for me. I realized recently that I want to take the lsat. How can I even think I could do something like that baked all day?
My commitment has never been so strong - I think its because it is not available to me - I know it will show up here again - especially with the 4th of July upon us - parties, no one shows empty handed. Its moderation and self control - I once had it. I believe that I can do this. I believe I am strong enough to accomplish my goals. I believe I was the most resistant - and here I am, really trying. I can't say that I wouldn't smoke a bowl if it was handed to me - but like a child you can't give me the entire bag anymore. I need to be regulated. Its sad but true. I begged my man to ration me for a year before he finally started to help - he can go on and off, I have no idea how.
I've found reading your stories at times of extreme weakness throughout the past few days has helped me a great deal. To know I'm not alone in my self control.
I believe in the universe. believe in what ever god you pray to - if you don't believe in anything, at least believe in yourself. You can do it. You are so strong. We are all this strong. we just fell by the wayside. But we can all do it. everyone here clearly wants to regain control of their life. You are trying and that says so much about what we are seeking - to be better. For ourselves, or our children or our partners. Its in you - like I know it is in me. Chanting "I dont want it" in your head WILL help. YOU CAN control your body with your brain - its proven.
All the great life-coaches and hippy-dippy positive stuff tells us that you have to become uncomfortable to have change. Well, its safe to say we are all uncomfortable right now - so we are all changing. Change is good - and I'm a hypocrite as I try and start seeds in my kitchen. That justification? I want my medicine - I just want to stop ODing. Get back on top and then decide. I LOVE YOU ALL.
I have read every single post on this thread since I found it two days ago. I want to cry because I realize I am not as insane as I feel. I'm 29. Smoked every single day since 19. I'm a female. With an eccentric personality, everyone loves to call me a hippie and crazy. It used to make me fun. Now it makes me a sad story. So I'm on a 'decade'. This is probably about the time I started smoking extremely heavily (and alone) when I began ten years ago. I have been in a pattern of self hatred for the last 7 years. I knew when I began that it was an issue. "Just one little blunt" stuck home alone. I endlessly justified it. I have definitely become reclusive. I have gained so much weight because I ate what I wanted - I'm a great cook and a delicious meal was always more fun than a healthy one, when you're smoking.
Several years ago, I transitioned from blunts and bongs to a small little glass or regular dugout. When I try and smoke a blunt with my friends, my lungs can't even take it. The paper no longer agrees with me. I've been coughing up little bits of black 'tar' (I guess its tar) for over a year in the mornings. I hate myself every time I look in the mirror. I've stopped looking in the mirror. I'm overweight. I stopped doing my hair and makeup. I don't care anymore. about anything. As I write this I'm getting sick to my stomach. I'm starving but its so hard to eat. I'm sweating next to an AC and I had my first anxiety attack last night in the middle of the night of course after a bout of horrible nightmares. (its scary to go from not dreaming to dreaming scary stuff - my heart is racing even still)
My father was like this - exactly like this. I watched it destroy him even as I would smoke with him. He died last year and was barely over 50. From natural causes, and I feel much of it was his depression due to how much this controlled him (and booze). He was such a smart man, I idolized him my entire life up until I understood what was happening to both of us. I believe substance abuse destroyed our relationship. I didn't know him when he passed, and im carrying this on my shoulders each day. I come from an extended family of habits. smoke. drink. etc. I couldn't even go a day without losing my mind to find SOMETHING. even shitty mexican brick - it didn't matter. I smoke the resin off my bowl - it makes me sick, but I didn't care. I ran out on like June 11th (I'm not even sure) and I tried to smoke my resin for a few days. I actually smoked all my resin - I'm so disgusted with myself.
So here I am, about two weeks in- I have massive anxiety problems before the pot, the pot relaxed my mind, my body. My mind races 24/7 like most do when they are on acid... I have a history of mental disorder on both sides of my family. People have been on lithium, committed suicide, and have all died early. I'm manic without a doubt. That was my main justification. I've been on Lexepro before. I've had a xanax problem. I REFUSE to take pills or pharmaceuticals. I kicked cigarettes THREE YEARS ago! And I was a 2 pack a day smoker. I've read thats the hardest thing ever - they are so f'ing wrong. Booze - I can and have quit - I go weeks without a drink. Pills - done its easily been 6 years. POT? FOR.GET.IT.
I've been reading a lot lately about the brain and heart and body connection. I'm terrified that my constant stress and anxiety is going to kill me. The stress I'm putting on my heart and body. My relationship. My life failures. I believe deep down inside I am strong enough - there is NO DOUBT. But I was a lazy girl long before the drugs. The laziness I exhibit baffles me, now -at a point in my life where I should be on top of the world grabbing it by the peanuts and making it work for me. I realized recently that I want to take the lsat. How can I even think I could do something like that baked all day?
My commitment has never been so strong - I think its because it is not available to me - I know it will show up here again - especially with the 4th of July upon us - parties, no one shows empty handed. Its moderation and self control - I once had it. I believe that I can do this. I believe I am strong enough to accomplish my goals. I believe I was the most resistant - and here I am, really trying. I can't say that I wouldn't smoke a bowl if it was handed to me - but like a child you can't give me the entire bag anymore. I need to be regulated. Its sad but true. I begged my man to ration me for a year before he finally started to help - he can go on and off, I have no idea how.
I've found reading your stories at times of extreme weakness throughout the past few days has helped me a great deal. To know I'm not alone in my self control.
I believe in the universe. believe in what ever god you pray to - if you don't believe in anything, at least believe in yourself. You can do it. You are so strong. We are all this strong. we just fell by the wayside. But we can all do it. everyone here clearly wants to regain control of their life. You are trying and that says so much about what we are seeking - to be better. For ourselves, or our children or our partners. Its in you - like I know it is in me. Chanting "I dont want it" in your head WILL help. YOU CAN control your body with your brain - its proven.
All the great life-coaches and hippy-dippy positive stuff tells us that you have to become uncomfortable to have change. Well, its safe to say we are all uncomfortable right now - so we are all changing. Change is good - and I'm a hypocrite as I try and start seeds in my kitchen. That justification? I want my medicine - I just want to stop ODing. Get back on top and then decide. I LOVE YOU ALL.
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Hi Everyone.. I'm in England as i guess this is a U.S site.. i've been smoking v.strong like 20% thc weed now for 15 years with only a day here and there without any and usually between 4-6 a day... Its really changed me as a person in both good and bad ways!! The paranoia is getting worse and some weed i get really 'sketches me out' like i cant even look at people and when i do i seem to fixate and stare!! f*****g wierdo!! lol ;-)
So ok i'm gonna cut down big time.... not stop completely, as i mentioned earlier this is a special herb and has some wonderful benefits but like a lot of us on here the habit and ritual take over... 15 years and i still love getting the grinder out and skinning up! ;-) My plan Dont smoke in the day and just have that one nice one before bed! sussed!!
I can relate to so many of you on here,thats why i decided to post.. only other post ive ever made was on a salvia divinorum forum(for those not familiar...its a legal shamanic type herb you smoke which is trippy..) Biggest understatement ever made!!!! this stuff is legal and its the most powerful mind altering psycadelic drug u could ever imagine.. you know how like mushy's and acid give you a different 'slant' on this reality.. walls moving in and out and sh*t.. well this stuff f*****g removes you completely from REALITY!! it proper takes you into another dimention SO BEWARE!! Be Brave and maybe try some sometime.. also it has found to be very usefull for getting people off Heroin and alcohol so i guess it would work with weed but f**k that i'm not doing THAT again!!! lol
Anyho back on subject.. the reason i posted was to suggest many of you try what i'm suggesting. . we might even be able to get that nice buz from it again! and the cost of smoking like that would be minimal..
Another thing worth mentioning for me , is that when i'm round at my mates were passing,building joints all night and smoke loads with always a couple going round.. now.. when i'm at home i can roll one and quite happily sit with it for an hour even two sometimes before its finished..so theres my thoughts hope i aint rambled on too much but i'm having my nice one b4 i go to bed! ;-)
P.S a lot of you seem to think your missing out on life by being stoned a lot but for me i see that as a major positive as you can kinda sit back and watch all that crazy nonsense and let it pass you by and at least be comfortable in the knowledge youve realized it is all crazy nonsense..Let me sum up by saying i dont think i would have got a grasp on how the world REALLY works if it wasnt for weed.. cause.. if it wasnt for weed i would be part of this crazy world!! XD Cheers for listening J
So ok i'm gonna cut down big time.... not stop completely, as i mentioned earlier this is a special herb and has some wonderful benefits but like a lot of us on here the habit and ritual take over... 15 years and i still love getting the grinder out and skinning up! ;-) My plan Dont smoke in the day and just have that one nice one before bed! sussed!!
I can relate to so many of you on here,thats why i decided to post.. only other post ive ever made was on a salvia divinorum forum(for those not familiar...its a legal shamanic type herb you smoke which is trippy..) Biggest understatement ever made!!!! this stuff is legal and its the most powerful mind altering psycadelic drug u could ever imagine.. you know how like mushy's and acid give you a different 'slant' on this reality.. walls moving in and out and sh*t.. well this stuff f*****g removes you completely from REALITY!! it proper takes you into another dimention SO BEWARE!! Be Brave and maybe try some sometime.. also it has found to be very usefull for getting people off Heroin and alcohol so i guess it would work with weed but f**k that i'm not doing THAT again!!! lol
Anyho back on subject.. the reason i posted was to suggest many of you try what i'm suggesting. . we might even be able to get that nice buz from it again! and the cost of smoking like that would be minimal..
Another thing worth mentioning for me , is that when i'm round at my mates were passing,building joints all night and smoke loads with always a couple going round.. now.. when i'm at home i can roll one and quite happily sit with it for an hour even two sometimes before its finished..so theres my thoughts hope i aint rambled on too much but i'm having my nice one b4 i go to bed! ;-)
P.S a lot of you seem to think your missing out on life by being stoned a lot but for me i see that as a major positive as you can kinda sit back and watch all that crazy nonsense and let it pass you by and at least be comfortable in the knowledge youve realized it is all crazy nonsense..Let me sum up by saying i dont think i would have got a grasp on how the world REALLY works if it wasnt for weed.. cause.. if it wasnt for weed i would be part of this crazy world!! XD Cheers for listening J
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I smoked alot in the past 6 months than most of u in your life time..........All im sayin is i got a dui got on probation and im getting drug tested........I have ARD probation but still gettin drug tested....But anywayz i quit once before cuz i left the country told myself not to smoke when i come back........lol yeah it waz good for about 2 months.......i guess when your alone and bored and u know how to smoke and dont have to worry about it......and have it i guess u will end up smokin.......basically all people in my circle smoke, friends that iz.........my mom and dad and bro always tellin me to stay off that ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting**.//u know how i do i be like blah blah i dont even smoke ma, what u talkin about......shes like whats that smell then///i come to the house lookin high its like worse than airport security........but damn im tired of it........but im more concerned about my future which is a Good Payin Job and this bullshiit probation......i stopped yesterday morning.....and let me tell yall it aint eazy......i took some bong hits from some dro and sh*t and said good bye.......lol......but i cant sleep and i dont eat and nothin is entertaining........but u know what like someone said its just some temporary symptoms and sooner or later it will all be over......but one thing iz it aint eazy.....cuz im goin thru some hell......holla @ me ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed **
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I have read every single post on this thread and it seams everyone here is having a serious case of anxiety and a mental fog.
It's good to know I am not alone. Here is my story and symptoms:
26 year old male with a 10 year history of smoking weed every day, 3 times a day. I have been sober for 6 weeks and still in a major mental fog and social anxiety.
Good luck to all of you.
-E
It's good to know I am not alone. Here is my story and symptoms:
26 year old male with a 10 year history of smoking weed every day, 3 times a day. I have been sober for 6 weeks and still in a major mental fog and social anxiety.
Good luck to all of you.
-E
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Thank you all for the insightful posts.
Like all of you, i too am quittin the ganj. Ive been a regular pot smoker for 2 years now. A bong rip after work, and many more until the stress and problems of the day fade away. Whenever i had a problem it felt like the pot put a bubble around it. No matter how hard i tried i just couldnt break through the bubble, and i found trying hard to think about stress and problems was stupid, why try?
I decided to quit on a spur of the moment idea. The day started just like all the rest. I found a site similar to this, was inspired, and took it on full force, no looking back. I got off work, gathered $500 worth in paraphernalia and ran it to my buddies house. We decided that would be my last hoorah i guess you could say.(rigged a 6ft and a 4ft together and took 4 or 5 rips off of it.) It went well and i felt like it was a worthwhile effort to quit. The next day rolled by, went to my buddies house after work like always. They were passing around a joint and all i could do was run. i drove home as fast as i could and got away. A good first day, of course, this was before the withdrawals....
Day 2 and 3 went by very easily, its summer time now and river floats and lakeside BBQs took my mind off of it, even though it was being smoked around me i was fine, no side effects...
Until now. Day 4. I feel like this post holds my sanity, i cant sleep and i have to work in a few hours. Im going through alot of stress at work(more than most could fathom) and had a mental breakdown about an hour ago. Me and my gf decided to get into a heavy discussion about my life (around 10:30) And 2 hours later i cant see myself sleeping anytime soon. My heart races my brain swims with activity. Maybe its just not used to working at 100% speed and its tripping over itself. I dont know.
I was considering niacin to help flush my system. Is it good for only piss tests or does it legitimately get the toxins out? Will i feel better sooner if i take it? I took it to pass a piss test a year ago.
I feel much better after spilling my brains out onto the screen. I dont want to smoke again only because i dont want to go through this again.
One day at a time....one day at a time....
To all those reading this, i thank you for helping me stay sane, and any feedback would be appreciated.
Time to lay awake in bed,
-NoLongerGanjad
Like all of you, i too am quittin the ganj. Ive been a regular pot smoker for 2 years now. A bong rip after work, and many more until the stress and problems of the day fade away. Whenever i had a problem it felt like the pot put a bubble around it. No matter how hard i tried i just couldnt break through the bubble, and i found trying hard to think about stress and problems was stupid, why try?
I decided to quit on a spur of the moment idea. The day started just like all the rest. I found a site similar to this, was inspired, and took it on full force, no looking back. I got off work, gathered $500 worth in paraphernalia and ran it to my buddies house. We decided that would be my last hoorah i guess you could say.(rigged a 6ft and a 4ft together and took 4 or 5 rips off of it.) It went well and i felt like it was a worthwhile effort to quit. The next day rolled by, went to my buddies house after work like always. They were passing around a joint and all i could do was run. i drove home as fast as i could and got away. A good first day, of course, this was before the withdrawals....
Day 2 and 3 went by very easily, its summer time now and river floats and lakeside BBQs took my mind off of it, even though it was being smoked around me i was fine, no side effects...
Until now. Day 4. I feel like this post holds my sanity, i cant sleep and i have to work in a few hours. Im going through alot of stress at work(more than most could fathom) and had a mental breakdown about an hour ago. Me and my gf decided to get into a heavy discussion about my life (around 10:30) And 2 hours later i cant see myself sleeping anytime soon. My heart races my brain swims with activity. Maybe its just not used to working at 100% speed and its tripping over itself. I dont know.
I was considering niacin to help flush my system. Is it good for only piss tests or does it legitimately get the toxins out? Will i feel better sooner if i take it? I took it to pass a piss test a year ago.
I feel much better after spilling my brains out onto the screen. I dont want to smoke again only because i dont want to go through this again.
One day at a time....one day at a time....
To all those reading this, i thank you for helping me stay sane, and any feedback would be appreciated.
Time to lay awake in bed,
-NoLongerGanjad
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ladies and gents,
The reality is that Mary ruins your cognitive abilities — simply put it makes you unintelligent or much less intelligent then you normally would be.
I've never responded to blogs and like a fella noted earlier I read, absorb and laugh.
But here I am on day 3, it's 3.30am and I can't go to sleep. I've experienced everything mentioned in this blog.
But I have a decision to make: I can keep smoking and my life will amount to to nothing or I can struggle for a few months and make something of myself. I can't have my cake and eat it too. You won't reach your full potential in life if you smoke weed daily, those who claim they can are fooling themselves. Very successful people smoke weed, but they weren't smoking on the way to becoming successful, they also keep things in moderation. I can no longer be moderate.
here is one thing to keep in mind: stimulate your mind with books and knowledge.
p.s. so now I am gonna stop and make something of myself. If I am lucky to live old, I am gonna move to the hill country of Texas, buy a farm and get back together with Maria.
good luck
The reality is that Mary ruins your cognitive abilities — simply put it makes you unintelligent or much less intelligent then you normally would be.
I've never responded to blogs and like a fella noted earlier I read, absorb and laugh.
But here I am on day 3, it's 3.30am and I can't go to sleep. I've experienced everything mentioned in this blog.
But I have a decision to make: I can keep smoking and my life will amount to to nothing or I can struggle for a few months and make something of myself. I can't have my cake and eat it too. You won't reach your full potential in life if you smoke weed daily, those who claim they can are fooling themselves. Very successful people smoke weed, but they weren't smoking on the way to becoming successful, they also keep things in moderation. I can no longer be moderate.
here is one thing to keep in mind: stimulate your mind with books and knowledge.
p.s. so now I am gonna stop and make something of myself. If I am lucky to live old, I am gonna move to the hill country of Texas, buy a farm and get back together with Maria.
good luck
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Well, my story goes as follows:
I have been smoking pot for about 27 years. Since I was about 16.. I went into the military at 18 and had to quit for a few years but back at it once I got out.. I have been able to maintain pretty good jobs.. I own my own home.. I am now 43.. Life is moving along.. A few years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.. It was 2004, we decided on a llumpectomy had some chemo treatments with radiation and we were back on track.. Six years later, 2010 I've had a recurrence. During both my bouts with Breast Cancer I have not had to take any medication because I decided to use medical marijuana for the nausea as well as to keep my appetite up! .. It has been a blessing for me.. I have just finished the chemo portion of the process and I need to quit.. I have decided that tonight is my last night to smoke out.. I've been visiting the collectives now for a few months, smoking only the best meds.. I have just been feeling that as I need to quit..
So I've decided to do so... and starting tomorrow, 9/29/2010 I'm going to try to quit.. I know the first two weeks will be hard but I think its finally time.. For one thing my doc, ( plastic surgeon ) is requesting I eat brownies and quit the smoking.. I kind of don't want to but I know I need to.. I can tell myself its only for a while but I need to do this !! I will start to visit this site everyday if I have to.. to post my thoughts through out the day to let you know how I'm doing! It's going to be hard.. I've been off work now for a few months, since April and being home is tough, especially without your bestfriend ( the bud ).. but I have to do this.. I need to do this.
! :-)
So I just looked to the top of this portion of the page and it says: One day at a time... One day at a time...
Exactly.
Thanks for the time..
Will be back tomorrow to let you know how day 1 goes.. / went!
Vmonty
I have been smoking pot for about 27 years. Since I was about 16.. I went into the military at 18 and had to quit for a few years but back at it once I got out.. I have been able to maintain pretty good jobs.. I own my own home.. I am now 43.. Life is moving along.. A few years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.. It was 2004, we decided on a llumpectomy had some chemo treatments with radiation and we were back on track.. Six years later, 2010 I've had a recurrence. During both my bouts with Breast Cancer I have not had to take any medication because I decided to use medical marijuana for the nausea as well as to keep my appetite up! .. It has been a blessing for me.. I have just finished the chemo portion of the process and I need to quit.. I have decided that tonight is my last night to smoke out.. I've been visiting the collectives now for a few months, smoking only the best meds.. I have just been feeling that as I need to quit..
So I've decided to do so... and starting tomorrow, 9/29/2010 I'm going to try to quit.. I know the first two weeks will be hard but I think its finally time.. For one thing my doc, ( plastic surgeon ) is requesting I eat brownies and quit the smoking.. I kind of don't want to but I know I need to.. I can tell myself its only for a while but I need to do this !! I will start to visit this site everyday if I have to.. to post my thoughts through out the day to let you know how I'm doing! It's going to be hard.. I've been off work now for a few months, since April and being home is tough, especially without your bestfriend ( the bud ).. but I have to do this.. I need to do this.
! :-)
So I just looked to the top of this portion of the page and it says: One day at a time... One day at a time...
Exactly.
Thanks for the time..
Will be back tomorrow to let you know how day 1 goes.. / went!
Vmonty
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Hi Everyone,
This have been one of the most helpful threads I've found. It's completely devoid of the usual trolls who claim that pot is not addictive, works for them, etc...
We here all know the truth.
I'm almost 28 and I've been smoking essentially every day (with a few periods of respite) for over 10 years. Like many others, I've found marijuana incredibly difficult to quit. I can smoke or not smoke cigarettes, drink or not drink alcohol, dabble in any other drugs you can mention and stop immediately, but marijuana has pervaded throughout my adolescent years and way too far into my adult years.
I started by smoking weed my friend stole from his dad's girlfriend as a teen, and then soon we found other ways to procure it. We were all fledgling musicians, and it just seemed natural to us to smoke. It increased, we thought, our creativity and pleasure, and it essentially defined who we were. But it also defined who my friends were to be for years to come. I think we've all come to the conclusion that we tend to gravitate towards others who smoke, even though the years where I needed a "hookup" are over. I live in NYC and can have it delivered in less than an hour to my door, meaning even that miniscule and often meaningless social interaction with a connection or friend is eliminated. I can just get it delivered and smoke it alone, if I wish.
I can look back and see that marijuana has affected many life decisions I've made throughout my life. And making choices because of a drug is never the best choice. Never.
Despite smoking, I've managed to have a decent social life and a great job with a large amount of autonomy and a good salary. But we hear that a lot, don't we? Especially among people in the "art" fields. But what everyone seems to ignore is that you, as a person, a happy person, is not just your job and a handful of friends. Life should be about more. Connecting with others, helping others, getting out there and changing the world for the best.
I've heard stories from friends over the years about successful people who smoke, but what I've learned more and more often is that these "successful" people may only be successful in the capitalist sense of the word, which is meaningless for self-satisfaction and quality relationships. They're divorced loners, or have temper problems, or just don't "fit" in society. These are the successful smokers I know who are older, maybe 40+. I don't want to end up like that. I want to be happy and content and able to provide for a wife and kids one day. The longer I smoke, the more inept I become at dealing with life in a way in which I'M in control of the situation, not just a passive receptacle of whatever comes my way.
I only smoke after work (the idea of doing my job high is just ridiculous. Too much to keep track of), but even smoking once or twice at night and on the weekends is enough to completely throw my brain chemicals off for the next day. I've only recently realized this after quitting for a few days. Yes, the insomnia is horrible, but I'm a more animated person, my drive to find a mate returns, the drive to have natural fun returns. Why would I ever want to go back to getting high? But yet the desire to smoke lingers. It's insane! I have so much more fun not high when I really compare it to when I'm high. I think the problem is that we only think about the initial high when we think about smoking weed. Yes, I feel more alive and funny and relaxed for about 30-40 minutes after I smoke, but after about an hour I just get tired and mute. And no amount of re-smoking rekindles that same high until maybe 8-12 hours later. I never "remember" that part of it. I chose to ignore what it makes me. I just think if the initial fun. Also, when I smoke with my weed friends, which are the majority of them, I don't notice this effect as much because we all come down at the same time. Conveniently, something for us to passively watch is always there to distract us from that fact. Now, getting high and hanging out with people who aren't getting high, I realize what it does to me. They continue to have fun and smile and laugh and make witty jokes, the guys aren't anxious to talk to girls, while I become quiet and slow in the mind. That's the insidious nature of this drug! It slowly takes hold without the user knowing how it's affected them!
Someone else said that just smoking in the evening is good. That's when I would smoke. Well, yes, it's better than smoking all day, but now that I've stopped smoking I've noticed that smoking at night, even just once or twice, would affect my brain chemicals for the NEXT DAY OR TWO. OK? I would be groggy getting up, grumpy, in need of massive amounts of coffee just to get going. Of course, on the weekends I'd wake and bake, essentially ruining and chance of productivity for the day before it even began. Sickening. And the hangover from that would last into the following week. Now I'm up and enjoying life much more. It's crazy how much better I feel despite still having a jones for the green! Why do I still lust for it? The dulling of the mind? The feeling of a warm blanket over the day's problems? The ability to ignore my extra-workplace responsibilities? My ineptitude in taking life "by the peanuts" as someone else said? I can only imagine that it's going to take a long time off weed before my desire subsides to a manageable and generally ignorable level. But this time I'm doing it. For real. Good luck everyone. You all deserve better than you've given yourselves. It's never too late to start having real, tangible happiness in our lives, not just imagined contentment between our ears.
This have been one of the most helpful threads I've found. It's completely devoid of the usual trolls who claim that pot is not addictive, works for them, etc...
We here all know the truth.
I'm almost 28 and I've been smoking essentially every day (with a few periods of respite) for over 10 years. Like many others, I've found marijuana incredibly difficult to quit. I can smoke or not smoke cigarettes, drink or not drink alcohol, dabble in any other drugs you can mention and stop immediately, but marijuana has pervaded throughout my adolescent years and way too far into my adult years.
I started by smoking weed my friend stole from his dad's girlfriend as a teen, and then soon we found other ways to procure it. We were all fledgling musicians, and it just seemed natural to us to smoke. It increased, we thought, our creativity and pleasure, and it essentially defined who we were. But it also defined who my friends were to be for years to come. I think we've all come to the conclusion that we tend to gravitate towards others who smoke, even though the years where I needed a "hookup" are over. I live in NYC and can have it delivered in less than an hour to my door, meaning even that miniscule and often meaningless social interaction with a connection or friend is eliminated. I can just get it delivered and smoke it alone, if I wish.
I can look back and see that marijuana has affected many life decisions I've made throughout my life. And making choices because of a drug is never the best choice. Never.
Despite smoking, I've managed to have a decent social life and a great job with a large amount of autonomy and a good salary. But we hear that a lot, don't we? Especially among people in the "art" fields. But what everyone seems to ignore is that you, as a person, a happy person, is not just your job and a handful of friends. Life should be about more. Connecting with others, helping others, getting out there and changing the world for the best.
I've heard stories from friends over the years about successful people who smoke, but what I've learned more and more often is that these "successful" people may only be successful in the capitalist sense of the word, which is meaningless for self-satisfaction and quality relationships. They're divorced loners, or have temper problems, or just don't "fit" in society. These are the successful smokers I know who are older, maybe 40+. I don't want to end up like that. I want to be happy and content and able to provide for a wife and kids one day. The longer I smoke, the more inept I become at dealing with life in a way in which I'M in control of the situation, not just a passive receptacle of whatever comes my way.
I only smoke after work (the idea of doing my job high is just ridiculous. Too much to keep track of), but even smoking once or twice at night and on the weekends is enough to completely throw my brain chemicals off for the next day. I've only recently realized this after quitting for a few days. Yes, the insomnia is horrible, but I'm a more animated person, my drive to find a mate returns, the drive to have natural fun returns. Why would I ever want to go back to getting high? But yet the desire to smoke lingers. It's insane! I have so much more fun not high when I really compare it to when I'm high. I think the problem is that we only think about the initial high when we think about smoking weed. Yes, I feel more alive and funny and relaxed for about 30-40 minutes after I smoke, but after about an hour I just get tired and mute. And no amount of re-smoking rekindles that same high until maybe 8-12 hours later. I never "remember" that part of it. I chose to ignore what it makes me. I just think if the initial fun. Also, when I smoke with my weed friends, which are the majority of them, I don't notice this effect as much because we all come down at the same time. Conveniently, something for us to passively watch is always there to distract us from that fact. Now, getting high and hanging out with people who aren't getting high, I realize what it does to me. They continue to have fun and smile and laugh and make witty jokes, the guys aren't anxious to talk to girls, while I become quiet and slow in the mind. That's the insidious nature of this drug! It slowly takes hold without the user knowing how it's affected them!
Someone else said that just smoking in the evening is good. That's when I would smoke. Well, yes, it's better than smoking all day, but now that I've stopped smoking I've noticed that smoking at night, even just once or twice, would affect my brain chemicals for the NEXT DAY OR TWO. OK? I would be groggy getting up, grumpy, in need of massive amounts of coffee just to get going. Of course, on the weekends I'd wake and bake, essentially ruining and chance of productivity for the day before it even began. Sickening. And the hangover from that would last into the following week. Now I'm up and enjoying life much more. It's crazy how much better I feel despite still having a jones for the green! Why do I still lust for it? The dulling of the mind? The feeling of a warm blanket over the day's problems? The ability to ignore my extra-workplace responsibilities? My ineptitude in taking life "by the peanuts" as someone else said? I can only imagine that it's going to take a long time off weed before my desire subsides to a manageable and generally ignorable level. But this time I'm doing it. For real. Good luck everyone. You all deserve better than you've given yourselves. It's never too late to start having real, tangible happiness in our lives, not just imagined contentment between our ears.
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