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Hey everyone,
I'm 23 and gay and just recently started experimenting with sexual activity, though I'm an experienced masturbater from way back lol.
So far all I've done is some touching and stuff, but every time a guy touches me or tries to give me oral sex my penis is so sensitive that it hurts to be touched. I'm not circumsized and have always had a sensitive glans, though I've gotten to the point where I can touch the glans when it's flaccid and it just feels mildly unpleasant. But it definitely feels more unpleasant to have my glans touched when I'm aroused, and it's really put a damper on sex for me. I may have been maturbating "wrong" all my life...I've noticed from porn that guys tend to pull down on the penis when masturbating, and I've always stroked in an upward motion. I'm really scared that I'm sexually dysfunctional, especially because I've started so late and haven't been masturbating in the normal way. Is there any way I can fix this? I've had highly enjoyable experiences while masturbating; should I "teach" the guy I'm with to pull upward on my penis instead of pulling down or when giving oral sex to pull up on the penis instead of moving his mouth in a downward motion? Is there anything unhealthy about not doing it the "conventional" way? I didn't anticipate this kind of pain, I never had any conversations with anyone about masturbation technique so I just assumed the upward stroke was normal, haha. I haven't even tried anal sex yet, so I don't know how that would work with this problem.

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Health Ace
6889 posts

I've never studied how the guys of porn do it but I have always put more attention on what I call the down stroke, that is, from the head toward my body. I never got much satisfaction out of pulling it the other way, like milking a cow. I figured the downstroke more closely imitated the action of inserting it in a vagina.

I don't think there is any law that says which way you are supposed to do it, just do it the way you like it best.

I'm not circumcised either and my head used to be super sensitive but the sensitivity seemed to go away during sex and I enjoyed having my wife stroke the bare head after we really got going.

Eventually I got tired of my head being so sensitive and I took it in my hand :-|  to fix that.XD 

I desensitized it. :-S

 

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Haha, but how did you do that exactly?  Not to get too graphic with it lol, but I can't get any pleasure at all when I touch the bare head while masturbating.  It's just too painful.  I think it is becoming a problem, because anytime I'm trying to get off with someone else and we're not creating the exact conditions that I'm used to from masturbating (having my penis flush against a surface and rubbing on it in an upward motion) it starts to get painful and my arousal diminishes.  Is there anything else I can do to desensitize it or does it just take a long time to get it to not be painful?  I don't want to make it so sore I never want to use it again haha.
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Health Ace
6889 posts

When I was a kid we didn't have the internet to look at so we actually got together to compare parts and sometimes play with each others parts. The first time I pumped a circumcised guy I was careful not to touch his head and he quickly showed me that's waht he wanted me to do. When I rubbed his head I couldn't believe we didn't have to peel him off the ceiling. That's where I would have been if someone rubbed mine.

So I reasoned that the poor kids who were circumcised at birth were subjected to it rubbing against everything, all the time. That's why theirs were no longer sensitive and that's what I was going to have to do to desensitize mine. So I decided to bare it and force it to get used to being touched.

By the time I decided to desensitize it, I had already stretched my foreskin so it slid over the head without being tight and my frenulum was already out of the way due to tearing when I was younger. I was able to pull my foreskin all the way back so the tip was down at the base of my penis and the inner side was fully exposed along the shaft.

I washed it and let it dry then I cleaned it all over using cotton balls soaked with rubbing alcohol. This was to get rid of any skin oils and stickiness of the skin. I also cleaned my fingers with the rubbing alcohol. The rubbing alcohol feels cold at first, then you get a warm tingly feeling. If you have any broken skin it will sting. When it was fully dry I was able to gently slide my fingers over it to get it used to being touched. Very lightly at first because that's all you can stand but I put as much pressure on it as I could stand.

As you might expect doing what I was doing was going to cause an erection and some very turned on feelings so I usually ended up finishing off by masturbating. I usually did that by tugging back and forth on the inner foreskin but keeping the head fully exposed so I could touch it as much or as little as I liked with the other hand. At first, while it was still very sensitive, I found touching it with some very soft flannel was quite pleasurable.

Obviously it doesn't become desensitized right away and you have to do it many times. It was so much fun that was never a problem for me. The only problem I ever had was creating what bikers call road rash on the surface of the head, if I got carried away. Then I had to wait for that to heal but it usually did in a day or two. As the head gets used to the rubbing you can increase the pressure you apply and even do away with the flannel and the possibility of road rash diminishes greatly.

I got so I really liked masturbating by dry rubbing it with the foreskin held tightly back and that's the only way I've done it ever since. Also the inner foreskin is stretch sensitive so tugging it a little while holding it back tight adds a unique pleasurable feeling.

 

 

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That makes sense.  Thanks, I think I'll try doing some of that.  I have been touching my penis head more in the shower lately, and while it's uncomfortably, I can imagine it being like touching my eyeball, which was really uncomfortable and painful for me when I first started wearing contacts but has become tolerable now.  It's hard right now for me to imagine making the leap to touching my glans actually being pleasurable, but I hope I can get there.  How old were you when you did all of this?  I'm scared that I may have become so accustomed to having a sensitive glans at 23 that it's going to become very difficult to develop sexually.  I'm already self-conscious about being a "late bloomer" anyway, and this is really not helping.
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Health Ace
6889 posts

I kind of compare it to what happens when you tear off a toenail. After the immediate pain of losing the nail is over, the skin that's underneath is about as sensitive as your glans at first but before the nail grows out it becomes quite tolerable to being touched. 

I was in my mid 30s when I finally decided to do it. If I'd known how nice it would be, I'd have done it sooner. Of course I didn't have any discussion group like this to get other peoples ideas and experiences. I came up with the idea all by myself and the method was my own idea too. I was a little hesitant about using the alcohol but it was fine. Also I think I was afraid I'd lose too much sensation like I thought the circ'd guys did. When I was a kid, theirs didn't appear to be any more sensitive than my finger tips and I certainly didn't want that to happen to my penis.

I think having a foreskin to cover it when I'm not using it probably keeps the level of sensitivity just right.

Make sure you let the alcohol dry so there is nothing to make your fingers stick and just touch it lightly to see what it feels like. You're in control. Touch it as much or as little as you like. Now that I've done it, I don't want to masturbate any other way. Lubricants just get in the way and they are messy. Being able to feel the dry surface of everything is soooo erotic.

It also did not diminish my pleasure while having sex with my wife, one bit. I think it improved it if anything, because the sensitivity sometimes was not pleasurable at all.

I had a lot of fun doing it and a lot more as it progressed.

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Great!  I'm so relieved now.  The way you were describing it, I thought you were a teenager when you went through the "desensitization" process.  I was worried that if I didn't get to a certain place in my sexual development by a certain age, that I would be sexually dysfunctional for the rest of my life.  I think I tend to worry about that with a lot of things in my life.  But like I always tell myself, it doesn't matter what age you get to achieve something, just as long as you can fully enjoy it once you've achieved it.  Besides, once I get my penis to stop being so sensitive, I can invest my energy into making up for lost time. ;)  Thanks so much for the advice!
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P.S. Is there anything I can use in place of rubbing alcohol?  I don't think we have any in the house, and I'm kind of embarrassed to ask my parents for it lest I have to explain to them my little "experiment." haha
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Is there anything I can use in place of rubbing alcohol? I don't think we have any in the house, and I'm kind of embarrassed to ask my parents for it lest I have to explain to them my little "experiment." haha
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Health Ace
6889 posts

I can't think of any substitute but the objective is to get the skin as clean as possible so washing with soap and rinsing the soap off well then getting it really dry should work.

 

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So does getting the skin of my glans dry ultimately make it less sensitive?  I've been washing it with soap and rinsing it off and then letting it dry for a few days now, and once I've gotten it dry, it doesn't hurt to touch as much.  However, after I'm done and let the foreskin retract back over my penis and I go about my day, it seems like the moisture just comes back.  And when I go to wash my head the next day, it doesn't really feel any less sensitive.  This just takes time, right?
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Health Ace
6889 posts

After you dry it, you need to touch it a lot to get it used to being touched, and yes it will become sensitive again after the foreskin covers it again. It gets less sensitive over time from the touching and rubbing you do while it's dry. So the more you rub it while it's dry the sooner you will notice a difference.

After doing this several times, I found it was becoming quite pleasurable and I kept doing it until I reached orgasm. So I began masturbating this way and that was sort of an enticement to do it more often so it wasn't too long until I gained the desired lack of sensitivity. The fact that the foreskin kind of keeps it from getting as desensitized as a circumcised penis is a plus in my mind. I don't ever want mine to be as toughened as the circumcised kids were.

 

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So if you don't mind me asking, how were you able to desensitize it?
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Health Ace
6889 posts
If you look just above your post you will find out.
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This is totally normal. And yes... communicate with your partner... this is key to good sex. And you should use a penis health creme once a day. These are applied to the penis skin, which will desensitize it over time. It will also deliver important vitamins and nutrients to the penis that will help with its function, skin texture, hygiene and more. My partner and I both use one called ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** advertising products is not allowed***​ and we love it. Hope this helps and good luck!

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