Well I can't really say there's any nice way of putting this, so I'll just put it as it is.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a good 6 years or so now. It's been a long relationship, and we tend to stray from the "Lovers" end a lot.
We play games together, cook together, sleep together, all of that. But in terms of intimacy.. It's non existent.
I'm personally not good with being "soppy", and I prefer to keep clear of it, as it makes me feel uneasy. And my boyfriend is well aware of this situation. And he understands, and never over steps that boundary.
The thing that bothers me is..
We are together, all the time. So, we always have each others company. But just recently.. No, not just recently. In all honesty, since before Christmas, he's starting to distance himself.
We usually use the same passwords, and for some reason he likes to keep track of what I register to, and what my passwords are. I'm not sure why, but I'm pretty sure it's because I tend to forgot my passwords.
Well anyway.
He recently started changing his passwords. I know he's entitled to his privacy and all. But sometimes I'll log onto his accounts, to send a friend a message and so forth.
I don't interfere with anything, although I will, well I used to, at least kill his junk mail. You know the ones. "I'm a foreign princess" and all that jazz.
So he changed his passwords, and told me to not log onto anything of his. I found this to be odd. But I said Okay, as I must of un-knowingly upset him.
He also avoids confrontation. Constantly. If there are problems, he will avoid them. Regardless to if I approach them delicacy, in a humorous way (to try and make him feel more comfertable) or, head on. Either way it gets avoided.
The main thing is, masturbation.
I'm not really that interested in sex myself, but I have never refused him. He can hint, he can ask, anything he wants, he gets it. I'm more than willing to give him what he wants, when he wants it. (Unless I'm not feeling well, of course.)
But now, he doesn't even hint. Nor ask, or anything.
Just 2 years ago, I found out he had been masturbating. I have no idea if it was with other people on the internet, or to porn.
All I know, if that the house began to smell, and I found out why.
Stuffed tissues, coated in old cum. Socks, coated in it, literally, clothes, you name it, he'd wipe it, re-use it, and hide it. Stuff it anywhere he thought I wouldn't find it.
But I did.
And this has been going on 2+ years, that I know of. It could of been going on longer.
He wont tell me why, and at the beginning I respected that. As I thought, "Must be a guy thing." Even though he got ample supplies of sex and what not.
But it's gone on, and keep going on.
He'll even go so far to refuse me, when I offer, or ask for sex.
Yet, I'll find wet, soggy socks or tissues, stuffed in all kinds of places.
He'll stay in bed longer than me, no porn in the bedroom, no print out pictures, nothing of the kind. And a few months down the line, I'll find, a mound, literally, a mound of tissues of socks so covered in cum, their still wet!
It's to the point where, I'm past thinking it's guy thing. It's just utterly disgusting now!
He's managed to make me feel like sh*t, and each time and try and talk about it, he will ignore me.
I've even spoken with him, and told him this can't carry on, not if he's not willing to be honest, or tell me why he's doing it.
I got so upset at one point, that I just said I'd leave. I was ready to pick up the phone, and get out of there, yet I figured he'd try and stop me.
But.. He just said if my mind was made up, that was that...
And just so everyone knows. I'm the one with the money here. I'm the only one out of us two, who earns money. I pay the bills, I pay for his and my games and luxury items.
The place is mine, all the bills are in my name. I do the lot.
He gets to sit at home, playing games. As that's what makes him happy. (We're both in our early 20's)
I do the washing, the cleaning, and he "sometimes" helps with the dishes.
So it's not as If I ask much of him. The only time I've ever really flipped at him, is when the whole masturbation thing got too much.
He seems to think everything is fine, and dandy. But I know it's not. He's still doing it, and still being secretive about some of the things he does on the computer.
And why I try and talk these problems out, I'm the one he makes out to be a jerk.
He can make me feel so paranoid, even more so when I say I've found his tissues and socks, and he says "Not mine!" We are the only two people who live here. We don't have people stay over or anything!
He'll deny it, even when I round them all up in a bag, and put them on his lap.
This has gone on for so long now, it's wearing thin.
Talking, is a dead end, spilling my heart out and telling him how I feel, also a dead end. Either way, he's not interested when I want to know why, or explain how it makes me feel.
I've gone so far, as to ask if he wants to to split up, he's said no. Nor made any effort to leave me.
I'm just so unsure and confused as to what would make him act this way.
Is it a guy thing? Am I really the one in the wrong?
If you have anything that may help, then please feel free too.
I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, I'm not. I have my off days, and will vent at random objects. I always try to sort things out, and all my methods have failed.
I'm somewhat in a cycle, going back and forth, thinking what it could be, when he wont tell me.
Sorry for the wall of text.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a good 6 years or so now. It's been a long relationship, and we tend to stray from the "Lovers" end a lot.
We play games together, cook together, sleep together, all of that. But in terms of intimacy.. It's non existent.
I'm personally not good with being "soppy", and I prefer to keep clear of it, as it makes me feel uneasy. And my boyfriend is well aware of this situation. And he understands, and never over steps that boundary.
The thing that bothers me is..
We are together, all the time. So, we always have each others company. But just recently.. No, not just recently. In all honesty, since before Christmas, he's starting to distance himself.
We usually use the same passwords, and for some reason he likes to keep track of what I register to, and what my passwords are. I'm not sure why, but I'm pretty sure it's because I tend to forgot my passwords.
Well anyway.
He recently started changing his passwords. I know he's entitled to his privacy and all. But sometimes I'll log onto his accounts, to send a friend a message and so forth.
I don't interfere with anything, although I will, well I used to, at least kill his junk mail. You know the ones. "I'm a foreign princess" and all that jazz.
So he changed his passwords, and told me to not log onto anything of his. I found this to be odd. But I said Okay, as I must of un-knowingly upset him.
He also avoids confrontation. Constantly. If there are problems, he will avoid them. Regardless to if I approach them delicacy, in a humorous way (to try and make him feel more comfertable) or, head on. Either way it gets avoided.
The main thing is, masturbation.
I'm not really that interested in sex myself, but I have never refused him. He can hint, he can ask, anything he wants, he gets it. I'm more than willing to give him what he wants, when he wants it. (Unless I'm not feeling well, of course.)
But now, he doesn't even hint. Nor ask, or anything.
Just 2 years ago, I found out he had been masturbating. I have no idea if it was with other people on the internet, or to porn.
All I know, if that the house began to smell, and I found out why.
Stuffed tissues, coated in old cum. Socks, coated in it, literally, clothes, you name it, he'd wipe it, re-use it, and hide it. Stuff it anywhere he thought I wouldn't find it.
But I did.
And this has been going on 2+ years, that I know of. It could of been going on longer.
He wont tell me why, and at the beginning I respected that. As I thought, "Must be a guy thing." Even though he got ample supplies of sex and what not.
But it's gone on, and keep going on.
He'll even go so far to refuse me, when I offer, or ask for sex.
Yet, I'll find wet, soggy socks or tissues, stuffed in all kinds of places.
He'll stay in bed longer than me, no porn in the bedroom, no print out pictures, nothing of the kind. And a few months down the line, I'll find, a mound, literally, a mound of tissues of socks so covered in cum, their still wet!
It's to the point where, I'm past thinking it's guy thing. It's just utterly disgusting now!
He's managed to make me feel like sh*t, and each time and try and talk about it, he will ignore me.
I've even spoken with him, and told him this can't carry on, not if he's not willing to be honest, or tell me why he's doing it.
I got so upset at one point, that I just said I'd leave. I was ready to pick up the phone, and get out of there, yet I figured he'd try and stop me.
But.. He just said if my mind was made up, that was that...
And just so everyone knows. I'm the one with the money here. I'm the only one out of us two, who earns money. I pay the bills, I pay for his and my games and luxury items.
The place is mine, all the bills are in my name. I do the lot.
He gets to sit at home, playing games. As that's what makes him happy. (We're both in our early 20's)
I do the washing, the cleaning, and he "sometimes" helps with the dishes.
So it's not as If I ask much of him. The only time I've ever really flipped at him, is when the whole masturbation thing got too much.
He seems to think everything is fine, and dandy. But I know it's not. He's still doing it, and still being secretive about some of the things he does on the computer.
And why I try and talk these problems out, I'm the one he makes out to be a jerk.
He can make me feel so paranoid, even more so when I say I've found his tissues and socks, and he says "Not mine!" We are the only two people who live here. We don't have people stay over or anything!
He'll deny it, even when I round them all up in a bag, and put them on his lap.
This has gone on for so long now, it's wearing thin.
Talking, is a dead end, spilling my heart out and telling him how I feel, also a dead end. Either way, he's not interested when I want to know why, or explain how it makes me feel.
I've gone so far, as to ask if he wants to to split up, he's said no. Nor made any effort to leave me.
I'm just so unsure and confused as to what would make him act this way.
Is it a guy thing? Am I really the one in the wrong?
If you have anything that may help, then please feel free too.
I'm not saying I'm the perfect girlfriend, I'm not. I have my off days, and will vent at random objects. I always try to sort things out, and all my methods have failed.
I'm somewhat in a cycle, going back and forth, thinking what it could be, when he wont tell me.
Sorry for the wall of text.
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in my opinion hunny, i hate to say this but to me it sounds like hes losing interest. i had a guy once who was the same way. just always wanted me to please him, and i would whenever he asked. then it turned into him asking all the time and getting pissed at me if i didnt listen. then all of the sudden it was the same thing with the passwords. he would go on my sites and if he couldnt get in or if i changed my password he would accuse me of cheating or hiding something from him. it would get worse if i didnt tell him my password after he asked. i found out that the reason why was cuz he was talking unapperopriately [sp?] to girls i had problems with him talking to for personal reasons. i never found out his password, but he would go on the computer sometimes and forget to close his myspace or facebook or whatever and thats how i found out. you ever see a link with him logged in and no where around, go straight to the inbox just to see. privacy is important but him not explaining to you about why he is acting like this means he seems he will never tell you. then only way to find out if he is being faithful or not i suggest just to open the mailbox and see who hes talking to. if i never did i wouldnt have found out that my boyfriend of 4 years was all of the sudden sleeping with past girlfriends and lying about even dating me to them so he could get in their pants. as for the piles of gross kleenexs, it seems hes still a turned on f**k but this is where i get confused other than the blunt fact that it looks like he just isnt sexually interested. i hate sounding like this and i really do apologize but you seem like such a nice girl and i really dont want you to hold onto something if hes just sh**ting on you. but at this point hunny, it seems like a one sided relationship. especially if he said he doesnt care if you leave when you say your upset. to me this is a sign of him not caring or loving as much anymore. as much as he hates it i think you really do need to sit down and talk to him. let him see how sad and hurt you are. dont yell, swear or accuse. just talk calmly and also let him know that if you leave him that you will be gone forever.. and you are going to be the best thing that will ever happen to him. if he doesnt see this by then, then you gotta stick to your guns and leave or kick him out. it sounds hard but to be honest, the guy i was with for 4 years acted in such ways [and more] that i listed. and he left me many times for a few months.. go sleep with a few more of my friends and then come back to me. i would drop the friends and keep him no matter what. but then it got too much and i told him what i said to you. "i am the best thing thats gonna happen to you. and i dont get why your acting like this but it really hurts me " and blahblahblah. he continued to f**k around so i left. the next day i went out partying at a friends house and ended up meeting someone. since then we have spent 24 hours of every day together.. were getting married saturday. and he worships the ground i walk on. so dont forget there are so many people in this world.. this guy is dumping on you and you dont deserve it. just find your backbone, take a deep breathe, and take all thats happening to you with an open heart. i leave you with these words "good luck, i hope for the best, and remember... backbone backbone backbone."
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