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Hi,

I have been reading posts on these and other forums and thought it might help someone else in my situation if I shared my story (so far!)

Back in February I had a fairly unpleasant breakup with my boyfriend, it was a week before a really important exam and about the time my period was due. My period never came, but I put this down to stress, upset, anxiety etc etc...

Anyway the exam I took really put me under a lot of stress, I was finding it hard to eat, hard to sleep etc etc, so feelings of nausea etc etc I basically ignored due to my situation. I had also taken myself off the pill so I figured this was why I hadn't had a period. Looking back on it now I know I was just in denial.

Pregnancy was always on the forefront of my mind, but I just kept telling myself I couldn't be, and every time I felt unusual I had a different medical explanation for it in my head. Basically I was just too damn scared to take a pregnancy test. I lost my mum to cancer just over 3 years ago, and mainly due to a bad relationship have lost a lot of close bonds with my friends, and those left I find it difficult to talk to. I guess I'm quite a private person and I don't seek help very often.

I started drinking and smoking a lot, eating badly and basically thinking of ways to make the baby if there was one go away - anything to avoid the possibility of pregnancy, and just wishing for a period.

A few weeks ago whilst lying in bed I felt a lump in my tummy, it freaked me out, but again I looked up all kinds of medical explanations. Gradually this has become more of a prominent problem, and my tummy feels hard in the mornings now, and also looks pretty bloated. I've been joking to my friends, and because of my bad diet they have all put it down to indigestion.

Its 13 weeks now since I split up with my ex, and I've had no sexual activity since. Last week I joined the gym, and since then the hardness in my tummy seems more prominent in the mornings, and I have become more aware of gurgling and bloating. Today I finally plucked up the courage and took a pregnancy test. It was positive.

I wanted to share this story because i think If I had read this scenario it would have made me act on it sooner, and may have made the decision I am now faced with easier. I was too chicken to take a pregnancy test because i didn't want to face the outcome. Now I am facing it I know its harder than it would have been if I acted sooner, but i also now know what I am dealing with.

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Dearest hm: Sometimes we don't want to find out the answer, because we already know it!!!!! You knew you were pregnant, you just HOPED you weren't! I REALLY feel for you hun! Since you are classifed as about 17 weeks, your window for an abortion - IF IF IF that is what you are thinking about - is VERY near, in most countries you can only go to 20 weeks. So talk to planned parenthood and find out your options. I AM Pro- Choice, BUT an not a big advocate for abortions. But it is up to YOU and you alone! Right now your mind will be all over the place, and it is hard for you and I FEEL for you! Due to the fact that your are further advanced in your pregnancy a decision HAS to be made sooner than later. If you don't have anyone to talk too, call the pregnancy hotline nearest you. And I am always available for you to talk too as well. All I can offer is a shoulder to cry on. I must mention this too, there are a LOT of families out there who desperately want a baby, IF you are in the position to be able to go through a pregnancy and give up your baby - even an open adoption is a great idea! Then I would suggest that! I am a great believer in we do things subconciously that we really want to happen. Perhaps - even though your situation sucked - you really wanted a baby. Think about it hon! Talk to Planned Parenthood, get the facts! Look at what you want out of life, and see if a baby CAN and WILL fit into that. AND if you can go through a pregnancy. A dear friend of mine gave up her son when she was 16 they have been reunited for over 9 years right now. So adoption is not the end of the relationship - unless you want that OK? Like I said hon, I'm here, if you need to talk and let someone have it OK? Best of luck hun!
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