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Hey all.... It's so helpful to see that I am not the only one in this hellish situation. It all started for me a few years back after having kidney stones, then a badly sprained ankle. I got really sick when I went off em & called the doc. They of course explained why...so I tapered and did just fine getting off them.

Well. Fast forward 1 1/2 yrs, I developed severe carpal tunnel in both hands. I was in management and my job required me lift 50 lbs over my head on a regular basis (by the way I'm 5'2", 105 lbs). Anyway, got back on hydrocodone 10/500 (Lortab) for the pain. I was wasting time waiting on work comp to do something, all the while just trying to get thru work. I'm a single mom of two small kids, so I HAD to work! Anyway, I finally got a lawyer and got my surgeries. Then I went thru physical therapy for about 6 months. In the meantime, I still had some pain, but I was ready to get off the meds. During all this time, I had started buying more from friends that had them, etc.. I started telling myself that I was going to get off them everyday...I told myself I'm taking them to just deal with the withdrawal. I doctor shopped thru 3 docs. I was taking 20-30 of the 10/500 per day! I had built such a tolerance, I wasn't even getting high anymore, it was just keeping the wd away.
Well. Finally, last week I just tired. Tired of lying to myself, lying to everyone around me. I got so tired of planning my whole damn day around these pills! I couldn't take my kids to the pool or anything like that b/c of the withdrawal. Just decided it wasn't worth it. Felt like a freakin monkey was on my back. Not to mention how scared I felt everytime I went to a pharmacy to get them..hoping that i wasn't red-flagged!
So... I went to a detox center on Friday. One of those detox centers where you don't really need money. They put me up in a bed that night. I haven't used since that Friday morning 8 a.m. I'm not going to lie it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt in my life. I'm sure everyone knows the withdrawal symptoms but anyway... bone chilling cold, hot/cold sweat, ungodly leg cramping, creepy crawly feeling throughout your entire body, nausea, vomiting, diareha, stomach cramping, weakness, sleeplessness, restlessness, constant head fog, hallucinations, sneezing, runny nose, etc...
They gave me sirex (sp?) and clonidine. For me...they did nothing. I asked if I could use my prescribed sleep meds that I'd used for years (not abused at all), clonazepam and trazodone. They told me not without consulting my regular physician...which i didn't want to happen for anonymity reasons. So I stayed and roughed it the first night and day. They wouldn't give me the sirex or clonidine anymore b/c my blood pressure was too low. I tried to explain to them that when I am in pain it plummets. I have low blood pressure anyway..usually runs below 80/60 normally. I decided to leave and go home, b/c really at least I could have my meds that I wanted to sleep. I am fortunate enough to have a hot tub for leg and back cramps as well. In the detox place I didn't even have a tv in my room, plus I had a roommate with no curtain between us.
I guess the detox place was a good starting point to make myself serious and take a look at other people that were fighting around me to get better as well.
Anyway...I'm now officially 4 days 3 hrs 49 min clean! YEAH!
It still hurts. I'm very tired and have no energy. Even walking across a room is quite a task. I am hopeful though, for the first time in a long time! I didn't realize before how much I was denying myself and my family. The clonazepam & trazodone did help with sleep. Immodium is a must! The hottub was great for body aches and to get my body temp up, instead of being so cold. I'm taking a multi vitamin now, and trying to replenish a lot of fluid. I am eating a lot of bland food right now, b/c I still have nausea. <<Maalox isn't bad for nausea either, if you can stand to drink it. Also, I was a two pack a day smoker. Since last Friday, I have had one whole cigarette smoked at different times. Funny...it just doesn't taste as good? I had a bad mountain dew habit as well, but can't even choke one of those down. Only water and juice so far. I'm really quite dizzy a lot, but as soon as I feel I can safely do so I plan to exercise and get this sh*t outta my system!
I think the key to my success so far has been a combo of things.... I just had to want to do it---first and foremost! God! I know he had to have helped me somehow! I have fantastic friends that when I explained it to them were there for me...not in person, but encouraging words by phone. The tool I'm finding currently the most powerful is... positive thinking. I think of all the things I'll be able to do again with my kids and myself. I am a big music fan, so I've taken solace there and used it to channel some energy. Plus, I've noticed if I watch a movie where some is empowered it makes me feel the same. Case in point, I watch Cinderella Man the other night. Man, I wanted to get up and box! LOL I couldn't of course, but at least my motivation was there!

Anyway...this is probably too long of a story. I just wanted to share my experience with others. Maybe someone will find it helpful? I know I will struggle internally for awhile with wanting to use again...so my plan is to get to a group as soon as I can next week. In fact, I have a prescription ready to be picked up that are my Lortabs! It's tempting at times...but you know I keep thinking i made it thru that hell and I'm getting better everyday....DON'T SCREW THIS UP! I'm not going to give in! Keep moving forward!

Good luck to all of you who are struggling...I understand your frustrations.

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Well folks.... i filled the lortab script :-( But the good news is I didn't use!

It went something like this. I have a girlfriend who had surgery yesterday and the freakin doctor gave her darvocet (I mean let's get real...that's like baby aspirin). She was in so much pain. I felt so bad for her. She knew my plight, and felt for even talking to me about it. I was like hey, we are both in bad ways right now, we'll be there for each other..you know?
So... against my better judgement I went to the pharmacy and picked up my script. I sat in my car afterwards & stared at the bottle & thought to myself...wow, I could take just one of these and feel so much better. Then I thought...WTF! I'd just have to start the hellish detox all over again! HELLS NO!

Anyway..drove the meds to the friend. I had a bottle of 40, gave her 10, with strict instructions to only take when she absolutely needed it, otherwise take the darvocet. I then called a close friend at work and explained the situation. I took the remaining 30 pills to him to hang on to (he doesn't use).

You know it sounds like it was a stupid thing to do..but... I feel like it was my ultimate test of how serious I am about this! I had a bottle of 40 in my hand! I never put a pill in my mouth! Whew! I'm glad I faced my fear, it only makes me feel stronger! Not that I would recommended ANYONE doing what I did!!! Just wanted to share my small victory.

Hey also, does anyone know how long it takes to get rid of the chills. I'm still freakin cold in 80 degree weather! How about walking across a room? I'm in day 5 and doing ok. I'm just itching to get out and freakin do something already! I know it takes time...after all I didn't get this way overnight.

Any comments or suggestions are welcome. I'm just happy to find this place to have somewhere to vent.

Good Luck Ya'll WE CAN ALL DO THIS!
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