I am 33.
I have been smoking heavily, daily, probably for 7 years. I have been binge drinking for the past year. My prior relationship with alcohol was much more severe and binge drinking is a strange sort of welcome stage. I am also addicted to nicotine and caffeine but have almost quit caffeine completely. For every cycle I break I seem to create a slower but fundamentally equally as dangerous cycle. For example between dope purchases I will tell myself I have quit and then inevidibly drink. Then I get to tell myself that drinking is really bad, dope is the lesser of evils and I have permission from myself to smoke. But I don't smoke because of self permission, I smoke 'coz I can't get through the day without weed.
I have tried twelve step recovery and it makes me so uncomfortable I'm grateful for drink and drugs.
I am in councilling. I am trying real hard to break some cycles and turn my life around.
More recently I have been involved in a really abusive relationship. My first....least where I'm not the abuser. Like drink and drugs it creates it's own pull. My rational self screams for release and my wretched self, wrecked with self loading and substance abuse presses replay.
I want out! from all of it. As my name suggests I want to be pure. This is not my last chance saloon 'coz somewhere beneath my tired tripping mind lies a force that draws me close to home.
This is a just a place in cyber space to honestly speak my case and ask for genuine heartfelt suggestions. Whilst I'm still in control of this post can I also ask for no time wasters please? If I could just stop f*****g whineing and using I would. I promise you.
All ideas gratefully considered.
I have been smoking heavily, daily, probably for 7 years. I have been binge drinking for the past year. My prior relationship with alcohol was much more severe and binge drinking is a strange sort of welcome stage. I am also addicted to nicotine and caffeine but have almost quit caffeine completely. For every cycle I break I seem to create a slower but fundamentally equally as dangerous cycle. For example between dope purchases I will tell myself I have quit and then inevidibly drink. Then I get to tell myself that drinking is really bad, dope is the lesser of evils and I have permission from myself to smoke. But I don't smoke because of self permission, I smoke 'coz I can't get through the day without weed.
I have tried twelve step recovery and it makes me so uncomfortable I'm grateful for drink and drugs.
I am in councilling. I am trying real hard to break some cycles and turn my life around.
More recently I have been involved in a really abusive relationship. My first....least where I'm not the abuser. Like drink and drugs it creates it's own pull. My rational self screams for release and my wretched self, wrecked with self loading and substance abuse presses replay.
I want out! from all of it. As my name suggests I want to be pure. This is not my last chance saloon 'coz somewhere beneath my tired tripping mind lies a force that draws me close to home.
This is a just a place in cyber space to honestly speak my case and ask for genuine heartfelt suggestions. Whilst I'm still in control of this post can I also ask for no time wasters please? If I could just stop f*****g whineing and using I would. I promise you.
All ideas gratefully considered.