I see alot of other people venting on similar subjects so i figure ill take my shot. im about 24 and ive been smoking heavily, multiple times a day for about 6 years. i finally decided to quit after spending an entire school/work day smoking. i was getting to the point where id wake up at around 8, smoke a bowl outa my bong, go to class (im a biochem senior), get out of class, smoke consecutive bowls for ~5 hours, go to work, and smoke every chance i got. 

My main motivation is that i was stasrting to smoke instead of studying/doing homework. the smoking before school thing also scared me. especially when i told myself i wouldnt.. and then an hour later walk into inorganic chem stoned outa my gord. no like.. tehe... but like high as f**k.. like 2 bowls in 15 minutes to myself. 

I s'pose at some point i realized that i was literally smoking against my own will. all of my immediate family smokes, which doesnt make it any easier, as its literally readily available. not 10 minutes ago i was out hunting for my dad's stash. its funny, cause i never considered myself an addict until now. luckily i had enough self control to not smoke his ganja (i found it, hes shitty at hiding things). even as i talk about it tho, the monkey is a scratchin.

someone on here suggested that addictive persons had psychological problems before smoking, and upon smoking, theyve found a way to essentially "run away" or mask their problems. "im not antisocial.. im just high" type of thing. personally i feel this is very true. i have a recorded history of anxiety and depression, which went along with an antisocial attitude.

when i started smoking after i moved from home to go to college, i used it as a means of interaction with other people, as i felt personally unable to interact with out a common medium, so to speak. i feel like this mentality has been the driving force for my addiction, even as i became more antisocial, i rooted my small bit of sociability to being high. 

Sadly i have now alienated myself from anyone in my life that didnt smoke, with the exception of my girlfriend. as someone that has previously dealt with mental disorder, i speak for myself when i say that weed hasnt helped at all with the condition. it simply allowed me to be distracted, to put aside aspects of my personal growth, that in my sober mind i now realize ive been lacking.

i cant attribute any illness to withdrawls, as i often was kept awake as a child due to anxiety. ive also been having considerable stomach issues for the past year, likely due to onset of lactose-intolerance. I have noticed that about 85% of my day is spent thinking about smoking weed.

being only 2 days sober at this point, i can say that im craving ganja terribly, but i enjoy my newfound clarity. its amazing what you lose, and what you take for granted when youre always screwed up (high, drunk, w/e). i wish i could say that i plan to be sober the rest of my life, but i dont think this is realistic. i aim to severely cut back on my consumption though. 

for the record, saying things or thinking thing along the lines of that last paragraph DOES NOT help.

All i can suggest to those going through a similar struggle is to set realistic goals for the short term, things that you can feel accomplished by on the regular. it'll help improve your idea of self worth through achievement, especially in a time when your mind is telling you how worthless you are or have been during your time of addiction. 

while i feel my will breaking as we speak, i can help be feel considerably more optimistic, having made it this far after such a long high. (i dont think i allowed myself to come down for 6 years, no joke) 2 grams a day was a light/dry day for me for a little while there. 

typing is helping me resist, but zeppelin is screaming "go burn a bowl and veg the f**k out" damn you jimmy paige, why must your guitar seduce me so!!!

Good luck guys, i think im gonna give in for today and take a hit, maybe itll be the slap in my face to make me not want more. you know.. self induced anxiety attack... peace!!!!

 

"Been dazed and confused for so long, its not true"