Hey, I'm typing this up because I was inspired by a previous poster who documented their attempt. I'm going to keep track of my progress for myself. For anybody it helps: I'm going to post here again in awhile and see what progress I've made. I'm a 23 y/o college student who smokes about an OZ every month. I consider myself moderately intelligent and am aware marijuana has no physiologically addictive elements; but I realize I have an addictive personality. Runs in the family. (I see a few posters guffawing at our claims of addiction. Addiction isn't as black and white as those people make it out to be) I'm not the type of person who addresses their faults publicly; but the posts on this forum have helped me a bit and if my situation connects with anyone, maybe I can help them too.
I started seriously smoking (daily/several times a week) in the latter half of 2012. I've been smoking multiple bowls a day for at least the last 2 years....it's hard to remember how long. I cant f*****g believe its 2015. My friends are wrapping up college this spring, I'm drowning just trying to get to my three classes (dropped out of 3 already). At this rate: I'm graduating by 2017 at best. It doesn't bug me that my friends are getting started with their lives and are "leaving me behind". I'm frustrated that I cant accomplish any of the goals i set for myself. I've become a class-A couch melter. Exclusively hanging out with my buds (get it?), mary J, netflix, and many many video games. (Awhile ago I basically starved myself for a month so I could afford a expensive-high end "gaming pc" and marijuana at the same time. One or two top ramen packs a day. I lost 40 lbs in that month and the next. How f*****g crazy is that? I'm 6'1 so 40 lbs is pretty noticable, especially when you were fit BEFORE the weight loss)
I'm not exaggerating by any stretch: I have literally declined HUNDREDS of social invitations to family events/profession events/parties/hang outs/etc. I have MAYBE gone out once every 2 weeks for the past half a year, only when I'm feeling particularly lonely, and usually not to anything too big. (Although admittedly I remember always being a bit anxious around big social events before i stated smoking; but at least back then I'd make face and start having fun) You get the point, I have kept appearances to a bare minimum. That being said, I've always been good with people. I'm a good listener and can be a smooth talker, I'm almost too socially adept. I liken myself to a Game of Thrones character when I'm sober, in the sense that I'm good at figuring out the needs of people and telling them what they want to hear. One of the things I enjoyed about smoking was I didn't care about trying to make the people around me happy all the time. I would become insular and forget about world problems. I have stopped caring about almost everyone. I still have managed to keep some good friends, we go all the way back to elementary school; but they are all heavy stoners and one of them is my supplier. So i need to figure out how I'm going to have a social life when all of my friends are associated with ganja. That's something I'm admittedly anxious about figuring out. No game plan for that yet...
My diet is horrendous, I eat exclusively take out, and have been for almost all of these 2 years. I hate that about myself, and munchies aren't doing me any favors. This low nutrition diet definitely contributes to my depression and energy levels. Oddly enough I've stayed fit through all of this, at one point I was half-jokingly; but half-ready to write a book about the McDonalds 6-pack diet. LOL. I want to tackle this head on and start cooking natural ingredients in my home. I'll probably save 1k-2k a year and feel better. I've noticed my energy levels spike whenever I have gone over to my folk's for dinner x)
The last girlfriend I've had was before I started smoking heavily. My first and only true love. We ended up splitting amicably due to both of us dropping out of college and needing to go back to our respective homes. We thought we would keep the flame alive in the meantime....lol. So around 2012?? I think one of the many catalysts towards the habit was to fill that void left by her. I also experienced an "identity crisis" of sorts when I started balding at that time as well, at 21. ( I know, I know, first world problems. I considered myself pretty damn handsome at the time and was an aspiring entertainer) I was growing up and when i looked in the mirror, I slowly ceased to recognize myself. (For any dudes who are going through balding who are waaaaaaay too young: Seems to fall in spurts. My advice it to rock it till it looks bad then chop it down. You can get away with minor-moderate balding for years with the right hairstyles. Don't overcompensate and grow super long hair, trust me) Also at the time, I was trying to cope with an existential crisis, the meaning of life type of sh*t. (What am I doing, where am i heading, is this all a lucky accident or do we have a purpose) A mid-mid life crisis.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you can't let weed be a substitute to your problems. You need to confront your sh*t head on. Smoking has just become an excuse for me to hide from my issues. I get that some people function fine, and are productive while high. I'm not wired like that, and if you're reading this: chances are you might not be too. So this is me going for it, I'll let you folks know how it's going in a few weeks. Good luck to all of you, with whatever your goal may be. Stay strong. The clock has literally and figuratively ticked well past 4:20 (unfortunately, A.M., because I CANT SLEEP) as I've typed this. Time to try this sober thing.